SEPARATED AT BIRTH: Ginger Edition

Separated at birth: Jill, from The Real Housewives of New York City and the judge on People's Court?

For Volume One, click here.

UH... SAY THAT AGAIN?

President Bush threw out the first pitch at a baseball game in D.C. this weekend... and got booed. I'm not all that surprised that he was booed, but the surrounding media blitz, analyzing this fact was, well... interesting, to say the least.

The audio on the TV segments was hard to hear, but there were some, "boos" in there, for sure. The talking heads on the news debated what was the cause of the booing. (Take your pick, there are so many reasons to boo the moron in charge of our country.)

But what caught me off guard was the coverage on Fox News. They were comparing the booing of Bush to the standing ovation Obama's racist pastor got at a religious event the same weekend. One of the commentators said he understood why Bush was booed, citing, "Bush fatigue," adding:

"It doesn't surprise me - with all that's going on right now - that people are a little Bush-worn."

Uh, OK. I'm just going to let that one go.

A SIGN OF THE TIMES

While driving around recently, I've noticed more an more "foreclosure" and "bank-owned" for sale signs on houses in my community. It is one thing to hear about foreclosures and bank re-po's on the news and in the newspapers. But to actually see the impact in your neighborhood... it was a more than a little shocking.

HELP ME, PLEASE

I woke up this morning with Chitty Chitty Bang Bang stuck in my head, and I can't get it out. It isn't unusual for me to get a song stuck in my head all morning, but this... this is torture. I mean, I don't even really know the words.

THANKS, @SSHOLE!

President Bush, in one of his many economic speeches, mentioned his "stimulus package" was mean to off-set the decrease in American home values. For those of you actually getting one of these checks (I don't know anyone who qualifies, except my 71 year old grandmother), they will be worth $600 USD.

The average home value fell over 11 per cent this past year (the year the stimulus bonus is drawn from). With the average price of a home in the U.S. set at just over $200,000, that drop in value comes to about $20,000... which Bush gave them $600 to off-set.

Gee, thanks...

TIME GOES BY

And oh, how things change. That second picture pretty much sums up how I feel about Madonna these days. Don't get me wrong, I still rock out to her tunes - some recent ones, even - but as she approaches her 50s, I think it might be time to stop pretending she's a club kid, or that she hangs out in the ghetto.

YOU GO, SISTER WOMAN GIRLFRIEND

I love watching Comedy Central. From South Park, to the stand-up specials, it is one of my favorite channels. But one beef I have is with how male dominated this network is: it seems overrun by fat, obnoxious (and often very angry) white men.

Oh sure, they brought us The Sarah Silverman Show, but I dare anyone to tell me that show doesn't have a male slant, and male driven humor. (There are way too many scatological and genital references for the writers to be female.)

But every so often, they'll actually run a female comedian special One of my favorites is Kathleen Madigan. If you haven't seen her act, it is a riot. She is smart, funny and manages to deliver comedy that both men and women can enjoy. Her material is both accessible, and fresh - both in topic and delivery. And she manages to be funny without resorting to "persona" comedy, or hyper-character work. Her tales about her upbringing, American culture and observations about the world always leave me in stitches.

It is my sincere wish that comedians like Kathleen get more exposure in the mainstream media. But I think for that to happen, they must first receive proper support and exposure from within the comedy community. I realize stand up is a male-dominated field (like many others), but with over 50% of the population made of women, you think Comedy Central would try to court that audience by promoting and presenting more female comedians. Until that day comes, I'll keep watching Kathleen's specials.

Kathleen Madigan has several comedy albums available on iTunes. Her website is kathleenmadigan.com.

HONK HERE:

When you download files from Rapidshare, like I do, if you don't buy a premium membership, you have to enter a java-generated password each time you download for free. The passwords are supposed to be randomly generated, and vary from download to download. In reality, I've seen some passwords come up more than once. But they pretty much never spell any actual words... until the site generated this password:
Not that funny, but given the number of random combinations of letters and words the site can generate, and the fact that some of the nonsensical words have repeated, it is pretty amazing this word showed up at all.

RED MOON, BLUE BUTTOCKS

Here, as collected by the BRI, are actual English subtitles from films made in Hong Kong:

"Aha! I forget nothing. Elephant balls!"

"The wet nurse wants rock candy to decoct papayas."

"You really can't see the edges of the tea-bag underwear."

"A red moon? Why don't you just say "blue buttocks?'"

"Catherine is a nasbian!"

"Your dad is an iron worker, and your mom sells beans!"

"I am Urine Pot, the hero."

"I scare nothing! Even you become napkins!"

I HEART THIS SITE... SORT OF

I heard about JuicyCampus.com on the news, and I've been meaning to check it out before they got shut down. There's a campaign, led by Headline News and some do-gooder watchdog site to shut them down. And while I agree, sites like this can be harmful to the communities they report on. At the same time, freedom of speech is an important freedom, and we must be careful of any curtailing of our freedoms.

Juicy Campus is a "bathroom wall" site, meaning it publishes gossip of the prurient nature. I saw posts about who is the biggest slut on campus, who the closet cases are and a number of rants about race and ethnicity. (Although I must admit, I too always wondered what the difference between a Persian and an Iranian was.)

Morbid curiosity made me go to the site and check out my school, UCLA. It seems to me the majority of posts (at least for this school) were snarky people just trying to stir sh!t up. (I won't let this serve as a reflection of the type of people attending UCLA right now.)

My only beef with the site was the lame layout, and the way long-load time for reading comments. Also, you can't tab-browse on the site. But I'm guessing the people running this site don't really care about tech.

MADGE & JT SAVE THE WORLD...

After hearing Madonna's new single, 4 Minutes, in the latest Sunsilk commercial (see what you're missing, TiVo users?), I trolled the interwebs for a copy of the full song. Mission: accomplished (thanks, Valhummer!).

My general impressions of the song: it isn't the trainwreck I thought it would be, and it would be a whole lot better without the guest vocal from Justin Timberlake. But it this is what her new album is going to sound like, I may (finally) be abandoning Madonna, as a fan, after all these years.

RICK ASTLEY WOULD NEVER...

SHOW ME THE MONEY

Now that I've taken the time to understand what happened with Chase Morgan and Bear Stearns, all I can say is I am OUTRAGED. Bottom line (and I'm skipping a ton of boring details, here):

Bear Stearns was "exposed" to the highly volatile sub-prime market (meaning they got greedy and tried to make money off of people who didn't have a ton of money to begin with). As a result of their exposure, they were about to go belly-up.

In steps the U.S. Government, and, whoosh! Chase Morgan purchased the stock, paying 7 cents on the dollar, with the Feds picking up the rest of the tab... with public money.

So now, Morgan owns the controlling interest (the company, pretty much), but paid nothing for it. The tax payers footed the bill for a corporate merger, to "boost the economy." We, as tax payers, will never see a dime from this 30 billion dollar "investment."

Is this what the rest of Bush's term is going to be like?

THE IDES OF SPAM

Here is your March helping of SPAM, from my Yahoo! email account:

She/He will love this yaap
No thanks, I'm fine with yapp I have now.

You are very beatifull, Zippersparks
Uh, thanks... I think.

Toon Chick Gets Messy Cartoon Facial Hard-core
I'm all for letting people have their own fetishes and/or special interests, but cartoons? C'mon...

Toni Childers Lets Your Dreams Come True
Who is Toni Childers? (And who does number two work for? And why is poo number two?)

Daters wanted
I don't have anything funny to say about this... I just added it because I thought it was kind of sad: what kind of person would respond to this email?

Oprah has it
Uh... no, too easy.

Have you ever thought of becoming a police officer?
Yes, honestly, I have. But there are a few, uh, issues I think they'd have with my past.

That buttrick is prevalent
What is a buttrick, and were/why is it so prevalent?

Jerrod Hott bangged by wildd horrses site
Don't know who that is, and I assume you mean, "wild horses." But if you cannot spell it, I doubt you can deliver it, not that I'd want to see it, but I'm just saying...

Don't be shy over your size
I'm not shy, so much as I have the basic decency not to take pictures of it, and put it all over the web.

GOD BLESS...

"The American political system is like fast food: mushy, insipid, made out of disgusting parts of things - and everybody wants some." PJ O'Rourke

"America is the only country in the wold that's still in the business of making bombs that can end the world and TV shows that make it seem like a good idea." Bill Maher

"Instead of being dazzled by these corporate mega-mergers, there should be a nagging voice in all of asking: Is democracy going to be bought up to?" Thomas Friedman

"Having the right to do something does not mean that doing it is right." William Safie

GARLIC PARMESAN FRIES?

I tried Red Robin last night. I had the Whiskey River BBQ Burger with "World Famous" Garlic Parmesan Fries... it wasn't half-bad. (It doesn't look anything like the pictures on the menu, though. And speaking of the menu, when you try to browse it online, they make you identify which location you're going to first... lame!) I've seen their commercials on TV, and they looked good, but I'd recently heard some mixed reviews about the food. I can honestly say, greasy, thick fries aside, I'd try that place again... maybe.

HOT TRANNY MESS

While I won't deny this season's Project Runway winner is talented, I must say how annoying I thought he was. This SNL skit sums it up pretty well.

LEGO GALATICA

A quick nerd-search of the web - in anticipation of the final season of Battlestar Galactica - found a widget that counts down to the next, new episode, and these images of a Lego representation of the Viper launch bay:

THE VIEW FROM HERE

This is a representation of my current desktop. Someone pass the Malibu Rum! (Click on the image to make it larger.)

MARCH TUNES

I haven't been hearing new music I like, so this month's picks are padded with some older, but still great, tracks.

Love Is A Battlefield (American Idol) Brooke White - A great take on a classic.

Hello (American Idol) David Cook - Ditto. Another great Idol performance. Too bad they can't all be this good.

So Much Betta (Album Version) Janet Jackson - This little ditty, probably meant to be a throw-away, track filler is the go-to track when I'm in a goofy mood.

Ching-A-Ling (Album Version/Video Version) Missy Elliott - Another one, two punch from the queen of hip hop. While I was unimpressed with the 3-D video, this track has some serious pumps in a bump.

Fuego (Album Version) The Cheetah Girls - I love, love, love this song, and I'm not afraid to say it, now that TCG dumped a member.

Work [Steve Pilton & Max Sanna Extended Mix] Kelly Rowland - This one crept onto my playlist after hearing it on the DJ Cruz podcast. It took me forever to find this version, but I love it.

Go Girl (Album Version) Pitbull feat Trina & Young Boss - I have to confess: I'm a closet Pitbull fan. Lyrically, he's your typical, macho, sexist over-sexed Reggaton artist. But his backing tracks have the hottest live Latin percussion this side of the border. He also knows how to write a great hook: "Shake them dice, then roll 'em!"

Give It Away (Radio Edit) Deepest Blue - A great bit of Euro-Pop with a solid vocal and haunting hook.

Galvanize (Album Version) Chemical Brothers feat Q-Tip - As the time changes, I find I need something with a beat, a motivating lyrics to help me get out of bed... this one always fits the bill.

They Don't Care About Us (Album Version) Michael Jackson - I had an experience, recently, where racism reared its ugly head. This song was the only thing that captured the mood, but (somehow) helped me calm down, too.

The Game of Love (Album Version) Santana feat Michelle Branch - As the summer months approach, I'm getting more into fun, summer pop. This tops the list of tracks that make me wanna kick back and drink something with an umbrella in it.

Smooth (Blackwatch Radio Remix) iiO - The song I want to hear after a sun drenched day of drinking. Beautiful vocals, gorgeous Balearic guitar strumming and that soft, swaying beat.

TOP POTTY-MOUTH, MORE LIKE IT

I watched the first episode of Top Chef: Chicago, and was struck by the amount of profanity the participants used. Don't get me wrong: I don't expect a bunch of adults - competing adults at that - to be all dainty and proper. And I should disclose the fact that I have a mouth like a sailor on shore leave. (Insert gay sailor, and/or seamen joke here... see? I'm a true dirty birdie.) But I was blown away by how vulgar (and unintelligent) this new crop of chefs sounded.

I've always enjoyed Bravo's programming: smart, slightly higher concept and sassy, they appeal to both the stuffy intellectual and naughty sides of my personality. But there's a fine line between avant garde, and just plain odd; a distinction between prurient and pure trash; a time and a place for brass, sass and true grit... and no place for common, vulgar language on "arts" television.

I know I said, after Hung won last season (robbing the much more deserving Dale) I wouldn't watch Top Chef again, but I love the show format and general concept. But tonight's premiere was a real let-down.

YEAH, I WANT (MORE) PIE

I'm excited to pass along a great piece of news: on the list of ABC Network shows returning to the air next season (this fall): PUSHING DAISIES!

AN IDOL STUMBLES

Media outlets - from print, to TV and the online world - declared this season of American Idol all but over, crowning David Archuleta this year's presumptive winner. Much like their declaration that Hillary Clinton would be the Democratic Presidential Nominee, it seems they may have rushed to call the Idol race a little too soon.

Anyone witnessing Archuleta's natural talents will admit he's a serious contender. But all this positive, glowing press coverage (combined with last night's dismal performance) may lead to early burn-out, or worse: a backlash. Most pop-culture phenomenon, at one point or another, experience a backlash of sorts, but Season 7's Mon-Chi-Chi has yet to develop a anti-fan base. (Other, more hate-worthy contestants, have already managed to secure the bile of sites like Vote For the Worst.)

I've enjoyed David's performances this season - hey, I even signed up to be on the ticket wait-list, and I haven't seen Idol live since Clay and Reuben - but the idea of this year's contest being sewn-up is a major turn off. I've (almost) been rooting for other singers, just to spite those who would crown David this early on. But what last night proves, is that this is still anyone's game, and the show is still watchable (but just barely... someone should really check Paula's meds.)

CRUSH OF THE MONTH: March

OK, so I'll start by admitting how strange it is to have a crush on a cartoon. But as March sees the return of Frisky Dingo, I've selected Xander Crews. (Dingo was named one of the best TV shows of 2007 by Entertainment Weekly. For more on this show, click here.) If I were a cartoon, I'd be all over Xander: he's hot, got a great bod, dumb as a rock and a billionaire. And yes, I know he's straight, but if you've ever seen Dingo, you know how many times Crews has been the, ahem, butt of smart, sexy gay humor.

Firsky Dingo is a super-smart, funny show with some great political and gay culture overtones. But it isn't for the faint of heart - it airs just after midnight on Sundays, on Cartoon Network. For more images of Xander (and his alter ego), click here.

WILD RICE IS NEITHER

I was amazed to read that wild rice is neither wild, nor rice. It is a grass (click here for more). As for the wild part... well, anything grown and mass produced for wide consumption can no longer qualify as wild.

THE ZOMBIE QUIZ

Here's a condensed version of the BRI's quiz on zombies. For the answers to this quiz, click here.

1. What is a zombie?
a) Someone possessed by the devil
b) Someone who's been given the evil eye by gypsy
c) A tropical drink containing lime, pineapple, papaya juice and four kinds of rum
d) A dead person come back to life

2. How does a person become a zombie?
a) Have a few of those rum drinks, and go and play in traffic
b) Flip through all 500 channels on your TV
c) Getting bitten or killed by another zombie

3. What do zombies drink?
a) Zombies
b) water
c) half decaf, half regular nonfat double lattes
d) nothing

4. How smart are zombies?
a) They'd be smarter if they didn't drink rum-based cocktails
b) Some intelligence but not much
c) Totally mindless
d) Dumber than mindless

5. What is the average life span of a zombie?
a) Until the next full moon
b) Two weeks at the most
c) Three to five years
d) With enough flesh, forever

6. How strong are zombies?
a) Weak - like a Zombie cocktail without the rum
b) As strong as they were when they were alive, just slower
c) Double the strength of a human
d) Able to leap buildings in a single bound

7. How do you kill a zombie?
a) Holy water
b) Destroy the brain
c) Feed it vegetarians until it dies from malnutrition
d) Tie it to a tree and wait for the sun to come up

8. What happens when you chop off a zombie head?
a) It dies
b) The body grows a new head, the head grows a new body
c) The body is dead, but the head still lives
d) The body will live on, but the head dies

9. What is the weapon of choice when fighting a zombie?
a) hand grenade
b) hatchet
c) flamethrower
d) rifle

10. How can you protect your pets from zombies?
a) Cats avoid them by instinct, but dogs will "fetch" an body parts fallen from a zombie
b) Bathe them in flea, tick and zombie soap
c) Dress them in little zombie costumes
d) Trick question - zombies only crave human flesh!

For the answers to this quiz, click here.

F**K THE CENTER OF THE UNIVERSE

I'll give any TV show at least one viewing... so in that spirit, I watched Bravo's The Real Housewives of New York. Let me first back up and say I like New York City. It is a great place to visit. I could never live there: the crime, the crazy weather, the smell and the over-priced nature of the city all turn me off. But I was willing to give these housewives a chance... big mistake.

Let's be clear: no true socialite would ever participate in a show like this. The truly rich and powerful people driving New York society life would rather be poor and powerless than participate in a display of vulgarity like this; reality programming holds no allure to the truly glamorous. (Just look at what happened to celebrated NYC author, Truman Capote when he wrote about his experiences with the NYC elite: he was destroyed for what was considered a betrayal of all this crowd holds dear.)

That being said, this show blew chunks. Serious chunks. These women seemed more like wanna-bes than actual socialites. They bragged about their money, status (or perception there of) and worshiped at the altar of New York... "New York is the center of the universe," one woman brayed, sounding more like Jersey trash or Long Island loser, than society dame.

OK, sure. New York city has impact and influence over many areas of society. Fashion, publishing and finance all have serious players located in NYC. But Paris and London are bigger (and older) fashion capitols, publishing is a dead (or dying) field and finance is a field in serious trouble (and suffering from an inflated sense of self worth.) But that doesn't make the people of NYC more interesting, or more important than anyone else, which is the less-than-subtle message the first show hits us over the head with. "Everyone wants to be like us," another woman says, seemingly speaking through her nostrils.

Uh... thanks, but no thanks.

NERD ALERT

I was browsing the iTunes store the other day, as I often do, and I stumbled across the list of top TV downloads. Included on that list, was something called Robotech: Shadow Chronicles. Yes, 20 years after Robotech aired in the United States, they finally made a new chapter.

For those of you not in the know, Robotech was the American version of a very popular Japanese cartoon... actually, the American version was a scaled-down version of several Japanese sagas. For whatever reason, they decided to streamline (and dumb-down) the original content into three mini-sagas, which aired in succession on American TV. The shows were as popular in the U.S. as they were overseas, spawning a line of toys and graphic novels. (Although, in the interest of accuracy, graphic novelizations existed before the show, too.)

I, for one, loved the show... although watching it now, I don't quite understand what it was I saw in the show. I get a warm, nostalgic feeling when I watch clips on You Tube, but I'm not rushing out to rent old seasons, or purchase the new one. I did, however find this clip:



Not the greatest moment in the American run of the show, but a great example of what foreign animation sounds and looks like when its been Yanki-ized.

JACK & HILLARY