YOU SAID A MOUTHFULL...

"In the past, as now, Hollywood was a stomping ground for tastelessness, violence and hyperbole, but once upon a time it turned out a product which sweetened the flavor of life all over the world."

Screenwriter, Anita Loos... who died in 1981.

A THOUGHT...

From an old Joop! jeans ad:

"We have degrees for murder, but not love."

SAY WHAT?

"The random nature of life can be be pretty scary." - Anne Rice

GONNA MISS THIS...

Here are some (more) classics Bushisms:

"I know how hard it is for you to put food on your family."

"I know the human being and fish can coexist peacefully."

"I will have a foreign-handed foreign policy."

"They misunderestimaed me."

SAY WHAT?

"America is the only country in the business of making bombs that can destroy the world, and TV shows that make it seem like a good idea." -Bill Maher

SAY WHAT, NOW?

"I don't think I'm straight. I don't think I'm bi. I just think I'm slutty... where's my parade?"
-Comedian Margaret Cho

DID YOU THINK THIS THROUGH?

Dispatcher: "911. What's the address of your emergency?"
Caller: "Can I give you my credit card number over the phone to pay on my warrant?"
Dispatcher: "What's the offense?"
Caller: "Credit card fraud."

-from What's The Number For 911, a collection of 911 transcripts collected by Leland Gregory

THE DUKE OF HAZZARD

Prince Philip, Duke of Edinburgh and husband to Queen Elizabeth II is, shall we say, less than polite and well-behaved in public. His gaffes, often insulting, and always entertaining, were collected by th BRI, and presented here, for your enjoyment:

To a driving instructor in Scotland: "How do you keep the natives off booze long enough to get them through the thest?"

To a chubby 13-year-old boy at a space exploration exhibit, pointing to a space capsule: "You'll have to lose weight if you want to go in that."

To a tourist, during a state visit to Hungary: "You can't have been here long, you've no potbelly."

On the "key problem" facing Brazil: "Brazilians live there."

To a smoke-detector activist who lost two of her children in a house fire: "My smoke alarm is a damn nuisance. Every time I run my bath, the steam sets it off and I've got firefighters at my door."

Speaking to British students studying in China: "If you stay here much longer, you'll all be slitty-eyed."

SAY WHAT?

"When authorities warn you of the sinfulness of sex, there is an important lesson to be learned: Do not have sex with the authorities." - Matt Groening

THAT'S SAYING A MOUTHFULL!

"We are now at a point where we must educate our children in what no one knew yesterday, and prepare our schools for what no one knows yet."

This prophetic quote was uttered by world famous anthropologist Margaret Mead, who died in 1978.

Imagine what she would say about the current state of education and cultural anthropology today.

RED MOON, BLUE BUTTOCKS

Here, as collected by the BRI, are actual English subtitles from films made in Hong Kong:

"Aha! I forget nothing. Elephant balls!"

"The wet nurse wants rock candy to decoct papayas."

"You really can't see the edges of the tea-bag underwear."

"A red moon? Why don't you just say "blue buttocks?'"

"Catherine is a nasbian!"

"Your dad is an iron worker, and your mom sells beans!"

"I am Urine Pot, the hero."

"I scare nothing! Even you become napkins!"

GOD BLESS...

"The American political system is like fast food: mushy, insipid, made out of disgusting parts of things - and everybody wants some." PJ O'Rourke

"America is the only country in the wold that's still in the business of making bombs that can end the world and TV shows that make it seem like a good idea." Bill Maher

"Instead of being dazzled by these corporate mega-mergers, there should be a nagging voice in all of asking: Is democracy going to be bought up to?" Thomas Friedman

"Having the right to do something does not mean that doing it is right." William Safie

FAMOUS LAST WORDS, Vol 1

"Is it not meningitis?" Louisa May Alcot

"Friends applaud, the comedy is finished!" Ludwig van Beethoven

"I am about to - or I am going to - die; either expression is correct." Dominique Bouhours, a French grammarian

"Turn up the lights, I don't want to go home in the dark." O. Henry

"Does nobody understand?" James Joyce

"Too late for fruit, too soon for flowers." Eugene O'Neil

"I've had 18 straight whiskies, I think that's a new record." Dylan Thomas

"Go away, I'm alright." H.G. Wells

FOOD FOR THOUGHT

"Anybody who wants the presidency so much that he'll spend two years organizing and campaigning for it is not to be trusted with the office" - David Broder

SIMON SAYS...

From the BRI Book of Quotes, a collection of quotes from the American Idol judge everyone loves to hate: Simon Cowell.

"That was extraordinary. Unfortunately, it was extraordinarily bad."

"You have invented a new form of torture."

"Don't take this the wrong way, but I prefer you when I close my eyes."

"I think you invented notes never ever heard before in music."

Contestant: "Why wasn't it good?"
Simon: "Because you sang it."

"When you entered this competition, did you really believe you become an American Idol? [Contestant nods.] Well, then, you're deaf. Good bye."

YOU SO CRAZY

From another BRI book, here's a collection of quotes all about crazy:

"We're all crazy and the only difference between patients and their therapists is the therapists haven't been caught yet." - Herman Hesse

"Insane people are always sure that they are fine. It is only the sane people who are willing to admit that they are crazy." - Nora Ephron

"Do you know what crazy is? Crazy is majority rules!" - Jeffrey Goines

"When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained." - Mark Twain'

"I don't buy temporary insanity as a murder defense. Breaking into someone's house and ironing all their clothes is temporary insanity." - Sue Kolinsky

HOW INSULTING!!!

From Uncle John's Book of Quotes, here are some of my favorite, famous insults:

"If you can't be a good example, at least be a horrible warning" -Catherine Aird

"He looks like an explosion in a pubic hair factory." -Johnathan Miller about journalist Paul Johnson

"So boring, you fall asleep halfway through her name." -Alan Bennett speaking about Greek writer Arianna Stassinopolous

"Your manuscript is both good and original; but the part that is good is not original, and the part that is original is not good." -Samuel Johnson

"She had lost the art of conversation, but not, unfortunately, the power of speech." -George Bernard Shaw

"She looked as though she had been poured into her clothes and forgotten to say, 'when'." -P.G. Wodenhouse

DOLLY... or DALI?

For my 301st post (yes, it has been three years, at about one hundred posts as year), I've decided to feature a quiz from the BRI. The following twelve quotes are either from Dolly Parton, or Salvador Dali, the famous painter. And just for fun, there's one quote from the Dali Lama. See if you can guess the correct answer. For the correct answers, check here.

1. "The way I see it, if you want a rainbow, you gotta paint up the rain."

2. "I don't do drugs, I am drugs."

3. "Democratic societies are unfit for the publication of such thunderous revelations as I am in the habit of making."

4. "We never actually starved, but sometimes we never had quite enough to eat."

5. "I seated ugliness on my knee, and almost immediately grew tired of it."

6. "When I'm inspired, I get excited because I can't wait to see what I'll come up with next."

7. "When people say less is more, I say more is more. Less is less. I want more."

8. "It is good taste, and good taste along, that possesses the power to sterilize and is always the first handicap to any creative functioning."

9. "There are some days when I think I'm going to die from an overdose of satisfaction."

10. "Even though a bird can fly, it must land on Earth."

11. "I may be an eagle when I fly, but I'm a sparrow when it comes to feelings."

12. "Intelligence without ambition is a bird without wings."

For the correct answers, check here.

NEW YORK, NEW YORK

I've always been a big fan of New York, but I can't stand people from NYC (living in Los Angeles, or other bigger cities) who think NYC is the center of the universe. And I finally found a great writer who agrees with me...

"New York is not the center of the goddamn universe. I grant you, it's an exciting, vibrant, stimulating, fabulous city, but it is not Mecca. It just smells like it."

—Neil Simon

PASS THE DUTCHIE

Another (and the last, at least for a few weeks) quote from the BRI's book of quotes:

"I dunno, I never smoked Astroturf."

Tug McGraw, when asked if he preferred grass or astroturf.