FAT FIGHTERS!

I'm a huge fan of BBC America, because of shows like this. Little Britain is a sketch comedy show that always cracks me up. It differs from regular sketch shows in that it focuses on the same 12 (or so) sketches week in and week out. This is one of my faves, "Fat Fighters" (and we all know who they're making fun of, don't we?).

...BUT DON'T GET CRAZY

I saw this on Mad TV recently, and cursed the fates. You see, I had an audition for this show, before it went on the air, and they said, "You're talented... funny, but we're not looking for sketch comedy actors - we're only going to do celebrity impressions."

Yeah, um... B-OK! (Damn, I would have been good on this show.)

DO I WANT TO KNOW THIS?

Playing into fears of collapsing bridges, MSNBC launched Bridges.MSNBC.com, tracking bridge inspections across America. At first, I was tickled at the thought of knowing this information... and then the reality set in.

Three bridges in my area (none of which I ever drive on) are listed as structurally defeciant. I'm not sure how I feel about this. The other five bridges checked out OK, and had been inspected in the last 24 months. But as for those three?

THAT'S MY HOMEGIRL!

OK, so I wanna start of by saying I know the votes in Florida (and Michigan) don't "count" towards the Democratic Convention, but my homie Hillary Clinton won those states anyway, so suck it Obama! (Deep down inside, I don't really think they'll deny two major states their delegates, but that remains to be seen.)

After Obama trounced Hillary in South Carolina (by the same margin she beat him in Florida yesterday), there was all sorts of talk - both on and off television - that Hillary couldn't win the nomination now. But, I think Florida (and Michigan) are more representative of the nation, and speaks more to Hillary's elect-ability. But the true test comes next week, when states (like my home state) weigh in.

JANUARY MUSIC

I know I haven't posted much, in the way of music this month, so here's a couple of tunes for ya:

Piece of Me (Album Version / Bimbo Jones Remix) Britney Spears - A little slice of synth bitch pop tart to keep you toasty during the cold months. Not her best, but a strong return to here bubble gum pop background, while keeping with her new, trashy image.

(For a more blasphemous version of the single cover, click here.)

Kimme More (iTunes Only) Britney Spears feat Lil' Kim - This remake of Gimme More, featuring Lil' Kim is actually a lot of fun.

Green Light (Freemasons Club Mix) Beyonce - is there any funkier, greater throw down dance combo than Beyonce and the Freemasons? Easily one of the best remix duos of this decade, with one of the greatest artists of this generation... how can you go wrong?

Work (Steve Pitron & Max Sanna Remix) Kelly Rowland - One third of the great girl group, Destiny's Child, is at it again, with a new solo album, Ms. Kelly. This first cut got a great remix from this relatively unknown duo. While it isn't available to the general public yet, you can catch a sneak peek of it on The DJ Cruze Podcast (December 2007), which is available for free on his web site (here), or via iTunes.

I Wasn't Kidding (Album Version / Freemasons Club Mix) Angie Stone - I recently downloaded Angie Stone's greatest hits album, Stone Hits: The Very Best of Angie Stone and was promptly blown away at how funky, soulful and great this album was. This track, in particular, has been rockin' my stereo as of late.

Doomsday (Album Version) Maurry Gold & BBC National Orchestra of Whales - A must-have for any fan of Dr. Who, this is a re-vamped version of Rose's Theme - the one that played on the two-part episode where she "died." Gorgeous, dark, haunting and yet still beautiful and emotionally uplifting, Doomsday is one of those tracks I listen to on rainy, overcast days, and just float away, letting the symphonic waves wash over me.

HAPPY 50th ANNIVERSARY

This year marks the 50th anniversary of one of the world's most wonderful toys, Lego. I myself had them as a child... no, make that I had tons of them as a child, and they are currently in a box in my parents' attic.

As my family tree branches out, and the younger generation embraces its own traditions and toys, I am happy to report Lego made the cut. I'm saddened to say lame toys like Hanna Montana and others also made the cut, but as long as the most versatile, imagination building toy is part of their world, I still have hope for the future.

For some great photos of crazy things people make out of Lego blocks, click here. For the official Lego web site, click here.

EXTRA SPAM

Here are a couple of actual SPAM email sent to my Yahoo! account.

Extreme cat rape.
I like cats... I just can't eat a whole on by myself.

Overwhelmed with ideas?
Not at the moment.

And my personal favorite:
Hot, single, available, grumpy
Sounds like a keeper!

TWO OF MY FAVORITE GALS

This photo (courtesy of DailyNews.com) was taken last week at an Los Angeles rally for Sen. Clinton. The rally was held as CSUN, where my father teaches, and my sister attends. That's her (baby sis) in the middle right-hand corner of the photo.

GET DOWN TONIGHT

THE CHARLESTON

CONCERNS ABOUT McHEALTH

I finally saw Super Size Me, and I was pretty shocked. Even though I knew the way the movie would more or less go, I was... again, shocked. I have a couple of cousins with kids, and they feed their kids McDonald's on a regular basis, and I just wanted to cry when I saw what the way McD's markets to kids, and then feeds them death meals. I'm not sure if I'll say anything (yet), as it might come across a little preachy, but I think that was the point of the movie.

"IDOL" HITS A SOUR NOTE

Although the season premiere of American Idol won the night, the media is all abuzz over the drop in ratings. Over 30 million people tuned in to watch Simon, Paula and Randy weed through the untalented masses, which is an 11% drop in ratings from the same period last year. Some online and print articles attribute the decline in viewership to a general decline due the strike, but most are squawking about the death of the show and its ratings stranglehold.

It would be easy to read such a sharp drop-off in viewers as the beginning of the end for Idol, but this diagnosis seems premature to me. Most avid TV watchers I know aren't really watching TV as much as they were before the strike. I'm personally devouring HBO's Rome, and not missing my regular fix of network television. (On a side note, Rome is one of the best TV shows I've seen in years.) Even though I'd love to see the rejects from Idol, I'm less likely to tune in, as the strike has dulled my interests. It would seem a few million people also share my feelings.

OH, NOW I GET IT

I've seriously been shaking my head in disbelief, seeing the popularity of American Gladiators. Yes, this resurrected 80s show topped the ratings last week, and seems to be on an unstoppable ascent. But, like any cultural phenomenon elevated by Americans, now comes the dirt (and later, the backlash).

It turns out, one of the gladiators, and one of the contestants have prior careers in porn. Contestant Belinda Gavin, who lists her occupation as "bull rider," it turns out, has an extensive porn back catalog, including titles such as Bikini Airways and Countess Dracula's Orgy of Blood.

But raising even more, uh, eyebrows, is Gladiator Militia - who has a career in gay porn, as a model for COLT Studios. (Pictured here. Don't worry, it's safe for work.)

And what could be more appealing to American audiences than porn stars playing gladiator? NBC has yet to respond to this "new" information, but I doubt it will make an ounce of differences to any of the morons out there watching this show.

SCRUBBING, UH, SOMETHING...

It's been about two weeks since I installed my Scrubbing Bubbles Shower Cleaner... which is about the amount of time the box says I'll notice a difference. (Original story about the installation here.) My overall impression of the product would be positive, although I have a beef: it doesn't really clean, so much as it gives me the impression my shower is clean.

After I run the (noisy) cleaner, a wonderful (chemical) sort-of clean smell fills the shower. I don't really see a difference, the way the product (and the commercial) promises. I don't know what I expected, but I'll keep the damn thing until the cleaning solution runs out. I don't think I'll buy the refills. The product doesn't make my shower sparkle, like on the TV, but few things live up to their TV shine, I guess.

WADDA JUNO?

So, I finally gave in to the hype, and saw Juno. I want to preface this mini-review with the following statement: it didn't suck. But it didn't rock, either. And it doesn't deserve the best picture buzz, either. Don't get me wrong: it was cute. A little too cute a times, and way too into itself. It had cutesy lingo, and seemed to love how clever it was, but in that way that is annoying: "Look at me, aren't I clever!"

No, not that much. Allison Janney turns in a first class performance (but what else would you expect). And Michael Cera is great, and Jasom Bateman delivers. But the performance that blew me away was Jennifer Garner. I'm not her biggest fan - she was cute in 13 Going On 30 - but I've never been really thought of her as an amazing actress... until now.

She delivers a raw, real, emotional performance... usually these kind of roles can be hard to watch. They're too much, overacted or under written, or both. But Garner delivers a heartfelt, realistic, all too human turn as the adoptive mother of smart ass Juno's bastard. I don't think it is a performance worthy of awards, but it was the first glimpse of true artistry I've seen from her.

Overall, I'd rate the movie 3 our of 5.

OH NO, IT'S WORKING

NBC/Universal's plan to crush the writers' union with a parade of (horrible) reality, and non-scripted shows started paying off last week, with the debut of American Gladiators. In reality, this is the second run for this show - the first in the 1980s - but the show drew strong to moderate ratings, averaging around 11 million viewers on the its first two nights. (We'll see how the show does this week.)

I'm sad about the success of this show for a couple of reasons: first, it just looks awful. And no that good kind of awful, either... just plain bad. The second reason I'm sad about this Gladiator victory is that it gives the big bad studios more ammunition in their war with the writers (and soon, actors and other guilds). I, like many people I know, am already tired of the repeats and horrible gap-filling shows this strike forces on the air. Gladiators is just another example of why we need strong, thoughtful (or at least entertaining) writing behind network programming. Unfortunately for us, the people behind the programming are feeding us slop like this.

TRY THE SPAM!

Here (once again) are actual email sent to my Yahoo! account:

Become A New Man Max XL
If I were a new man, why would I be a fatter one?

We have an iPhone(R) waiting for you Juan
And switch to AT&T? Never!

Rita I let my sperm drip on my grandmother’s lips and face
Who is this Rita person, and why would you tell her something like that?
Classy Black Poser Chick With Huge Tits
Wow, "classy" and "huge tits" are words that were born to be together!
Busty Evelyne Shows Huge Boobs & Tight Cakes
OK, the boobs I get... but cakes? And tight ones at that?

Dirty hottie nailing right in horse stable
OK, firsty of all... no, second of all... uh, what?

Sexy Ninae Get Interracial Ride on Backseat Car
What, exactly, makes a car interracial?

Ass as scapegoat
I don't know what that means, but it would make a great punk band name!

Awesome orgy on the floor economic
Don't know what this means, either, but it sounds like some horrible Japanese to English translation of a porn title.

WonderCum has been developed to give you, the consumer, the ultimate semen
Uh, thanks but, until I know what "ultimate semen" means, I'm gonna have to pass.

CRUSH OF THE MONTH: January

It seems like every month or so, there's some guy who catches my eye, and makes my heart flutter... so I'm going to present him here, each month.

This month's crush isn't so much a new crush, as an old one intensified. I've been a fan of James Marsden for a number of years, but his recent success has caused my crush to go into overdrive. If you want to see a recent photo shoot he did, click here.

BIRDS OF A FEATHER

Leading today's political news is former Presidential candidate, and election loser, John Kerry endorsing Presidential candidate Obama. The pundits - the same pundits who swore Obama would wipe the floor with Hillary in New Hampshire this week - all claim this endorsement was a slap in the face to the other front-runners, and a sign the scales were tipping back in Obama's favor.

Really? No, really? We're playing this game again? The "Obama Is Our Savior" game? The man with no international experience, and not a single Senate bill in his name, is the inevitable choice to lead our nation... all because he's interested in, "change," without ever saying what that change is? We have a President who spent the last seven years getting on the job training: where's our economy? Our standing in the international community? Our protection from unlawful government behavior? Our constitutional rights? Thanks, Obama, but no thanks.

Besides, John Kerry lost the last election, against an unpopular president, with many of the bread and butter Democratic Party issues in his favor: domestic and human rights issues, the working and middle classes under the yolk of the fat cats and corporations... and he lost. What good is his endorsement? If a loser says he's on your side, that doesn't make you a winner.

BACK IN THE GAME... SORT OF

Alright, I decided to upload a few of my old photos, under a new name... digiJUAN. So if you're on the Flickr, look me up and add me as a friend.

SHE'S MY GAL

THANKS FOR NOTHING

Well, it turns out Flickr deleted my account because I violated the terms of the user agreement. They won't say which part of the multi-page agreement, and one of the "rules" is don't be creepy... so, with that sort of cutesy, vague asshole behavior (on their part), I am debating whether or not I want to start a new account.

I'VE BEEN REMOVED

Without so much as a warning, or a hint of trouble, I've been completely deleted from Flickr. Yes, the online photo service I've been using for the past three years, went and removed all of my photos, and any trace of my online presence.

I contacted them, and (so far), all they've told me is that "multiple queries regarding the same issue make the Magic Donkey cry." I'm not sure what that means, but I'm not expecting this to end well.