CLAP FOR HIM, AUDIENCE*

*This is how each guest is introduced on this show.

So I've been meaning to mention how much I like Isaac Mizrahi's new talk show on the Style Network… no, really. It's a real hoot, and not just because he's a newbie. Oh, sure, he makes the occasional mistake, but so does Saint Oprah. OK, so her mistakes have more to do with hair, than forgetting names, or insulting guests… but we'll get to that.

What I love about this show is the honesty – and the format, too. Both are a refreshing, given today's media climate. At some point during each show, Isaac usually takes questions from the audience, dispensing fashion advice and even making a sketch for each person. He also has help from the so-fabulous-you-could-just-die Simon Doonan (on the left side of this picture), whom I adore. (He makes life seem like a fun, mod movie—achingly glamorous, but never taking things too seriously. If you haven't ever read his book, you're missing out!)

The show also features a live, in-house band, but not like the cheesy ones on Letterman or Leno. No, these guys hold it down, from the first downbeat, to the last credit. I actually wish they would play a little more, but that's just me. Isaac also has a little coffee shop of sorts, which is nice… I mean, fresh espresso for guests, and all. I just wish it wasn't staffed by a young, black man. There's something a little step-and-fetch about it. Maybe it's the way Isaac talks (down) to him, or maybe the boy isn't all that bright… can't say for sure.


One recent episode featured Teri Garr—this episode is a perfect example of how delicious this show can be. First off, we'll forgive Isaac for getting a little too excited, and calling her, "Hollywood Royalty." I'm not sure who I would consider worthy of the title, but I do think it is a little over-the-top to just throw those kinds of titles around. It's how Michael Jackson became the King of Pop… and MTV's Artist of the Decade. (There's no such award, by the way). Balancing out Isaac's hyperbolic overstep was his next move. See, he'd been off to the side of the main stage for a fabulous makeover segment, and when he came back… Teri was there, ready for her interview. But when he came back to sit down (and bark out an order for coffee), there was a new set piece. It was a simple, little vase with a single lily in it.

Isaac proceeded to immediately freak out.

Well, not freak out in a way that was intentionally meant to hurt anyone's feelings. He made quite a fuss about how much he didn’t like the vase, and demanded to know who had placed it on the stage, several times, until Teri finally confessed.
“Do you not like it?” she asked, the hurt already seeping into her eyes.
He took a moment to glance, nervously at the camera.
“Well… no,” he finally muttered.
With a quick, under-the-breath sort-of apology, Isaac quickly re-gifted the vase out into the audience. But that was OK, since one of his previous segments was all about re-gifting. It turned out to be a great interview, despite this first misstep, and in spite of the fact Isaac didn’t remember previously meeting Teri.

But the reason I love the show so much is simple: there are too many images (whether fictional characters, or “real” people) of catty, bitchy, screaming, evil queens in the media right now. Don’t get me started on Will & Grace and the amount of damage it’s actually doing. I find it so terribly refreshing, and rewarding to watch Isaac. He’s clever and witty, without being mean, just to get a laugh. He’s fashion-forward, but not overly obsessed with trends, and doesn’t promote the negative, dominant body culture. In a word, he’s fabulous.

ON THE OTHER HAND…

In my last entry, I think I came across as disliking Madonna. OK, not just disliking, but really hating. I don’t want it to sound as though I’m trying to jump on some backlash bandwagon. There seems to be a bit of Madonna-hating going on right now, although I don’t think it really rises to the level of “breaking news.”

There aren't really many people that I hate—Madonna isn't even close to being one of them.

No, I wouldn’t want to ever be seen as ripping on Madonna just for sh!ts and giggles. No, that would lump me in the same group as this tired, old, why-are-you-still-making-music relic of a queen. Hey, I may have my light-in-the-loafers moments, but this cheese-takes the cake. (And from the look of things, he eats that cake every chance he gets.)

THINGS THAT MAKE YOU GO HMM…

Read this post from the Mean Queens blog before diving into this entry.

OK, first of all, lemme say what an interesting / intelligent post this is. So many blogs fell victim to the Madge Media Machine, posting “official” photos, and composing epic poems celebrating her newest incarnation—kinda sad, really. I mean did she really need to come out with a wine?

I know her fan-base is getting older, but what’s next, an album with matching Depends? The collectible, limited edition Ensure bottles? At some point, we stop believing that a multi-millionaire, forty-something mother-of-two is still just a girl who grew up in working class Detroit who is just really in-tune with ghetto youth.

Don’t get me wrong, I love that woman—even went to see Who's That Girl in the theatres. When I first took an interest in Madonna (somewhere around the “Open Your Heart” video) my parents decided to start monitoring my music / TV interests. They watched the Ciao Italia concert tape with me. The year my sister—in defiance of our parents’ direct orders not to—gave me the “Justify My Love” VHS single, rather than punishing her, or yelling at us, we sat down as a family, and watched the video. Several times, in fact.

We then had to do de-construct / analyze the imagery, message, tone, technique… you know, your basic film-theory discussion. We also had to defend our interest in her work, debated her impact as an artist and explored the possible motives driving a shock-as-art performer. Oh, and got a brief overview of the role of pornography from our dad—a short lecture after none of us knew what he was referencing when he called the video a, “borderline nickelodeon snuff pic.” (Yeah, if you think I’m a bit odd, you should meet the people who raised me to think I wasn’t.)

My father also, on several occasions, said that the reason Madonna always used black and Latino back-up singers / dancers was to make herself look whiter. No, I would argue, she’s just more comfortable around them. She grew up in working class Detroit, moved to New York, and as a struggling dancer, lived in the black and Latino neighborhoods…

I mean, why would someone want to appear so white, when being a darkie was starting to be so cool? Rap and Hip-Hop were blowing up in the mainstream media. Non-white actors were landing big-time, serious acting roles in film and TV and making money at it, too! So why would an artist who’s career success is based on introducing underground culture to the masses, became an icon because she’s such a trend setter, made millions upon millions by staying one step ahead of the mainstream tastes want to… oh.

Well, at least my dad never gloats when it turns out he was right.

PUT YOUR THING DOW, FLIP IT AND…

THE TUNES I JUST CAN'T GET ENOUGH OF, December Edition
In no particular order:

Cool [Richard X Mix] by Gwen Stefani – A tasty lil’ blend of sugary-sweet vocals, with some fatty-boom-batty breaks, to keep your head knockin’

Self Control by Laura Branigin – Yes, it’s the one you’re thinking of, from the 1980s. Can’t beat those over-cooked lyrics and Casio beats

Hung Up by Madonna vs My Humps by the Black Eyed Peas – an interesting, and oddly addictive mash up

Sorry / Jump / Like It or Not, from Confessions on a Dance Floor by Madonna – a great album. If you don’t already own a copy, go out and get one

La Tortura [Shaketon or Tracy Young Remix] by Shakira – I don’t have a clue as to what she’s moaning about, but I love, love, love this song

Everything Burns, from The Fantastic Four soundtrack by Anastacia feat Ben Moody – I’ve loved Anastacia, from the first time I heard her voice. But this song only served to deepen my appreciation for her talent (as a singer, and as a song writer), and showcase just how far she’s come as an artist

Do You Want To by Franz Ferdinand – I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of listening to this one

Mr. Brightside [Jacques Lu Cont Thin White Duke Mix] by the Killers – The Grammy nod for this remix made me fall in love with it, all over again. Lu Cont is a skilled remixer, and outstanding producer / arranger, and anyone who doesn’t think he deserves that Grammy should listen to the killer job he did on Madonna’s Re-Invention Tour

On the Dark Side from the Eddie & The Cruisers soundtrack – not only was the guy in this film hot, but it was a great song.

Star Tar, from Dames At Sea (Original Cast Recording) by Bernadette Peters – OK, so this one makes me a major queen, but after a call from an old college pal, I flashed-back to the time when I was in this show. On the final chorus, our lead belted through the vocal gymnastics as written (a series of octave-slides, from the bottom of the basement, up to notes above the staff) while turning cartwheels. Oh, and she stopped at the top of each vocal run… to twirl batons. The director said it best: Totally taste-free

I KNOW WHERE I'M TAKING MY NEXT VACATION…

…in MANCOUNTRY. I know it may seem like I go on and on about COLT Studio, their projects and (of course) their men. But can you blame me? I mean, look at them!

On the cover, are Luke Garret and Gage Weston (thanks for the hook-up, Kris). It is from the publicity campaign for COLT's next big release: MAN COUNTRY. (A big release from them means a big release for me. Sorry, but it had to be said.) Luke and Gage, aside from both being former members of the US Armed Services, are real-life boyfriends.

If you've never seen one of John Rutherford's movies, first of all… what's wrong with you? Even if you're not gay, they're worth checking out, especially now that he's the head honcho at COLT. There are plenty of people in the adult industry—straight, bi or gay—who play the game well. But onlhandfulfull of people actually change the way the game is played and perceived; John Rutherford is one of those people, and you're only depriving yourself if you don't check his films out. You'll thank me for it later, trust me…

just send any thank-you notes to MAN COUNTRY.

VIA CON DIOS…

Over the weekend, it was announced that John Spencer (of The West Wing, among others) passed. I love The West Wing, for a number of reasons, but I don't think I truly appreciated what this fine actor brought to the show until this weekend—not just because he died, but because my younger sister and I watched the first three discs of Season Three of The West Wing. In a word: amazing.

He will be missed, and loved… always.

IT'S A HONOR JUST TO BE NOMINATED

Once, again… it isn't like anybody asked my opinion, but why let that stop me? Here are a couple of my picks for the 2005 Grammy Awards:

Record Of The Year
Boulevard Of Broken Dreams, Green Day

Album Of The Year
Late Registration, Kanye West

Best Dance Recording
Galvanize, The Chemical Brothers featuring Q-Tip

Best Electronic/Dance Album
Human After All, Daft Punk

Best Remixed Recording, Non-Classical
Mr. Brightside (Jacques Lu Cont's Thin White Duke Mix) The Killers
Jacques Lu Cont, remixer


The recognition of these artists almost makes up for the insane number of nominations Mariah Cary got. Almost. Oh well… with or without The Retardation of Mimi, it turned out to be an OK year for the Grammys. I highly recommend any, or all, of these recordings. Enjoy!

NOW SHE THINKS SHE CAN SING

I don’t throw the word hate around very often—it isn’t a very imaginative term, and as a concept, it isn’t really an emotion worth investing in. But that’s a posting for another time. Right now, I actually have something unworthy of the term: that freakin’ lame-ass excuse of a spokes-whore for Overstock.com.

Now, I’m not exactly sure if everyone will know what I’m talking about. (You could, for all I know, be like my cousin Julie, and TiVo everything—skipping right over the commercials.) But if you’ve ever seen one of those damn ads… then you know. And I mean, you know.

It isn’t just that she’s annoying. I mean she’s pretty enough, or whatever. And, unlike those retards in the Eastwood Insurance ads (or any local mattress store ads), she actually has an on-screen presence—a watchable quality, if you will.

But there’s something about her voice that’s a little unsettling. Somebody told me she was from Germany, so English isn’t her native tongue… but that’s no excuse. If you don’t have a firm grasp on a language—because of the phonics involved, or if you’re just not that bright—you should avoid a career in the spotlight. (That goes double for you, Celine Dion!) I’m not sure what it is about the Overstock.com lady, but her voice/mannerisms get under my skin. Oh I know, I know: don’t sweat the small stuff. But trust me, if I start sweating the big stuff, I’d end up with my head in the oven. (Aside to those who know: they deserve each other. And that’s all I’m gonna say about that one, so stop asking.)

I don’t know if you’ve seen Overstock’s latest ad on TV, but let me just fill you in: it blows, in a way that makes me wish for the apocalypse. I mean, it wasn’t enough for that smug, “I’m cashing in on the whole M.I.L.T.F. thing, even though I’m about as fetching as a day-old casserole” spokes-slut to peddle her tired, sorry-ass wares. No, she had to go and sing. SING, I SAY! All while walking around an all-white (ethnically and decoratively) snowy set.

Yes, she waddles around a set that looks like the town square from Gilmore girls after a nuclear winter, singing about all the crap you can get on her precious little site… to the tune of “Jingle Bells.” And when she gets to the refrain, she’s suddenly joined by a group of back-up singers comprised of Benetton ad rejects. ‘Cause, you know, that’s what us darkies do: we sit around (on our stoop, no less), waiting for some honky to come along, so we can sing back-up harmonies, and clap our hands. OK, we do clap when a good song comes on, but only so the crackers know which beat is the right one, but that’s understandable. Why didn’t they just show them eating watermelon, or tap-dancing?

Damn, I hate that *#%$, you know?

AND NOW, FOR ANOTHER MANHUNT POEM…

[Taken from a member profile on ManHunt—where, it turns out, the poetry is the only thing worth keeping.]

A Poem inspired by Shel Silverstein
By BoYnBrIeFsOrLeSs

Nobody f*cks me or blows.
Nobody pops my cherries & holes.
Nobody gives me kisses & hugs.
Nobody gets off to pics of me on bear skin rugs.
Nobody jumps my bones as I come home at nite
Nobody molests me when off goes da lite.
Nobody sleeps w/me or moans.
Nobody thinks I’m hot enough 2 bring in their homes.
So if U ask me who my boy is, I will tell U my boy Nobody is!
But last nite I had quite da orgasm, I awoke & Nobody just made me spasm.
I reached out 2 stop Nobody’s wrist! In da darkness on my dick, Nobody’s fist.
Then My body shook across my bed, & I saw Somebody there giving me head!
I moaned till I gasped & now w/dawn, There's no doubt about it—Nobody’s gone.

Previously

ManHunt Poem (June)

ManHunt Poem (May)

ManHunt Poem (September)

THE GODDAMN ROCK-SOLID GHETTO SHIZNIT NAME-GENERATOR

OK, so I posted this (a long time ago), but I think it might be time to break it out again. The upcoming holiday seasons can be a stressful time, so if you need a good laugh, check this out:

The Goddamn Rock-Solid Ghetto Shiznit Name-Generator

And if you're feeling brave, go ahead and post your name here, on my site. (I've turned off the sign-on protection, so you don't need a password to post.) I'll post mine at the end of the week.

So try it… mine was pretty funny.

Oh, I know, I know… you’re just so experienced—you’ve been everywhere (and I mean everywhere, you sick, horse-sex video watchers), seen it all and taken every last damn internet quiz and used every single name-generator… if you’re that jaded, then I’m suggesting you get a personality for Christmas, OK?

One love!

SURE, YOU'RE STRAIGHT…

OK, so I'm not usually into the whole gay-for-pay thing—I just don't buy it. I mean, everyone has the right (and the obligation, sometimes) to self-identify with the term that best suits them. I'm not going to deny anyone the right to call themselves straight, and then turn around and have gay butt sex.

Most of the online sex sites that feature original amateur content specialize in straight guys having gay sex—for the first time. Sean Cody is one of those sites (and one of the better ones, at that.) A couple of different sites regularly read had mentioned this new Sean Cody film, Bailey's Fuck Buddy, so I checked it out.

Hot. I mean, really hot. And not just cause they're a couple of greased-up beau-hunks who enjoy a good a banging (the oral lasted about, oh, all of 5 seconds, and then it was, anchors away!). No, what really, uh, blew me away, was how hard these two guys were trying to contain their enthusiasm. It seemed to take enormous amounts of restraint to keep the whole, straight-acting AberZombie thing going.

They both claim to be straight. OK, sure. One of them even says he has a, "serious girlfriend." But the, they mention that they're going to have sex with the same girl, later in the week (after a good ass-pounding, of course). Oh, and the girl making up the middle of this manwich is not his, "serious" girlfriend.

Now, again, I'm not saying they're gay. They can be whatever they want. Hell, they can call themselves watermelons for all I care. I'm just saying that I didn't really buy into it. I usually need some level chemistry between guys if I'm watching a skin-flick—which is why I usually avoid the whole gay-for-pay genre. (And most Eastern European stuff, too.) But these guys had real, barn-burning, wrist-chaffing sexual energy. There was something in their eyes that said they were really, really into this.

Again: I'm not saying they're gay. I didn't think they were gay during the whole naked work-out. And when they said they'd seen each other naked a few times, "in the shower" (at the gym, of course!), I still didn't think they were gay. No, that wasn't it. And I didn't start thinking they were 'mos when they kissed, gave each other spankings, or when Bailey called the other guy, "bitch," over and over again… I didn't think it when they got visibly excited (a little too excited, if you ask me), when the off-screen voice told them he'd brought a ton of toys for them to play with. ("We love toys," they both giggled, before expertly ramming dildos of various shapes and sizes up their holes.)

No, the moment I stopped believing they were straight was when Bailey told his "gym" partner to suck his, testicles. Testicles. I mean, I'm a big ol' mo—I flame like a charcoal briquette, and even I say balls.

Sheesh.

GOODBYE, AARON… I'LL MISS YOU

After 40 years, a Los Angeles landmark is closing its doors forever. Aaron's records, located on Highland Blvd., in the heart of Hollywood will be missed.

JUST HAPPY TO BE THERE

I'm not sure when this picture was taken—I think sometime in early 1978, I'll have to check with the parents on that.

That's my older sister (Laura) on the left, my baby sister (Marisa) in the middle, and that dork with the gap-toothed smile is me!

OK, NOW I'M GONNA HAVE TO GET A NEW iPOD

It was only a matter of time, I guess… the iPod revolution continues, as companies like COLT studios and Hot House announced plans to roll out their content in pod-friendly format.

Well, at least now I'll be able to take Jason Kingsley with me wherever I want. (Hey, I can dream, can't I?)

A MAN FOR ALL SEASONS

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

YOU GOTTA HAVE FRIENDS, Part 3

What can I say about MM2x4? (That's Matty, Matty, 2-by-4, to the rest of you.) We've known each other for the past six years or so, and he's one of the few people in my life who has been there for me, no matter what—like family.

Matt, and his amazing partner, Rick, have been there through all the ups and downs I've seen in my life:

When I wanna go out, grab a drink, dance all night or just catch a flick, they're always good company.
When work, life and love kicked my ass, they were there with a friendly hug and a word of advice… all without ever making me feel like I was being judged.

The last year of my life hasn't really been a picnic, and while I never doubted Matt's devotion, loyalty or love as a friend, I have to admit: I don't know where I'd be without him. He was there, every step of the way, offering a helping hand, a shoulder to cry on, willing to laugh at my stupid jokes.

Any time I feel overwhelmed by life, I just think about what a good friend Matt is, and keep working—working towards becoming the kind of person he treats me like.

Previously:
You Gotta Have Friends, Part 2 (click here)
You Gotta Have Friends, Part 1 (click here)

JESUS RAVES!

A day-party, back in 1999, in what used to be the Venice graffiti pit. Those were the days…

IT'S EASY… JUST THE WAY YOU LIKE IT!

Your little Gay Fun Show has been featured on iTunes Podcast Page!
Originally uploaded by feastoffools.

If you scroll down a bit, you'll see a new post detailing the many ways to check out the Feast Of Fools podcast... but for any of you blessed/cursed with a short attention-span, the host of the show has provided a screen-shot of where to look on the iTunes store. (Thanks, Fausto!)

Now, go get your Feast of Fools freak on! And tell 'em I sent ya!

TEN TUNES ROCKIN' MY WORLD RIGHT NOW

Not that anyone's asked in a long, long time, but here are the songs on heavy-rotation right now: (in no particular order)

Right Now by John Cena - The Champ. 'Nuff said.

Hung Up by Madonna - I wanted to hate this one, I really did... but c'mon, it samples ABBA!

House Is Not a Home [Moran Mixshow] Deborah Cox - damn, girl! What's gonna happen to your recording career if you ever find a man to treat you right? You'd have nothing left to sing about, now would you?

Allegro vivace from John Rutter's Gloria - Et intera pax hominibus bonae voluntatis, indeed. *

Flashlight by George Clinton et al. - Hey, man... smell my finger.

We Belong Together [Peter Rauhofer Reconstruction Mix] by Mariah "You So Crazy" Carey - another kickin' mix from Rauhofer, but I know I have a copy of ho's "All I Want For Christmas" somewhere...

Holiday by Green Day - if you haven't checked out the last Green Day album, they you obviously live in a red state (of denial).

Hole In My Heart (All The Way To China) by Cyndi Lauper - this little number has been my mid-day pick-me-up. Not because it's particularly upbeat or anything... the lyrics conjure up some intense, yet life-affirming images and emotions.

Left Outside Alone [Jason Nevins Global Club Mix] by Anastacia - cause I was. And because I know some people who should be.

Flagpole Sittah by Harvey Danger - been around the world, and found that only stupid people are breeding.

I'd Die Without You by P.M. Dawn - that opening piano lick is divine. No, inspired.

And what are YOU listening to, speaker bunnies? Drop me a line, or post it here!

* If you know what this means... then you know what it means.

TEMPT MY TUMMY WITH THE TASTE OF NUTS 'N' HONEY

Our Logo 2005
Originally uploaded by feastoffools.

OK, people... listen up: if you've never listened to a podcast, get with the times. If you don't own an iPod, or similar digital player, that's OK—you don't need one!

There are several ways of sampling a podcast:

1. Go to the iTunes music store-front, and select the 'podcasts' section. RIGHT NOW, THEY'RE MAKING THIS SUPER-EASY, TARD-PROOF: On the main podcast page, down at the bottom (under comedy), you can click on a direct link to the show. You can download a single episode to your computer for free! Like what you hear? Hit the subscribe button, and you're all set!

Once you've loaded the podcast into iTunes, you can move it to an iPod, if you want your funny on-the-go.

Not a Mac-type? That's OK. I love you anyway, and still want you to dine at the Feast of Fools.

2. You can go to the Feast of Fools site, and stream an episode via your internet browser.

3. You can also check out the new podcast service from Yahoo! (I mean, this is from the people at Yahoo! — it doesn't come any more tard-proof than this!

And after all that, if you're not a fan of FEAST OF FOOLS... well, then f*$#% you, who needs you!

Uh, I mean... there are plenty of other shows out there to explore.

[NOTE: Only Matt and Rick are excused from this ASSignment. Good luck with the new digs, guys. Shabba, shabba - shabba, forever.]