GEEKFACTOR: MOD YOUR MAC!

I found these in this month's Mac World magazine... these are NOT altered photos, but actual Apple products people customized, jes fer the fack of it.

Pretty nerdy, huh? (But I have a feeling that last one is going to tickle the boys over at the PNSexplosion, who are NOT celebrating episode #100 this week... oh, it is a long, story -- don't ask. I wasn't able to finish the megamix I was going to give them, but the radio remix of the SlutBaby song is done... I'll give it to them, right before I unsubscribe.)

SPAM ON WHEELS

MY TOP TEN FAVORITE SPAM MESSAGES (THIS WEEK)
Yes, these are all real subject lines from my email I’ve collected in the past week, or so. In no particular order, here are my favorites:


Toilet message from Kyle Painter.
Who is Kyle Painter, and why is he emailing me from the toitey?

We cure any disease!
Good, because a number of people I used to work with are afflicted with a serious case of stupidity...

Age is a very high price to pay for maturity Garrisonian.
South Park jokes aside... they kind of make an interesting point.

Test your luck!
At last, spam-mail willing to be 100% honest: click on these email, or their links, and you're really pushing it!

Nasty upskirt pics message from Merle Berger.
I don't understand how spammers stay in business—people must be dumb enough to fall for these cracky / wacky subject headers... but this one makes me wonder what they being drawn in by: the nasty element, or the use of a 'proper' name.

Percussive message from Katharine Wright
A percussive message? Now that I'd like to hear.

Drunk matuure momas governing frictions.
Heh, heh, heh...

Sexy baby, bad erection?
No, and uh... is there such a thing?

Babe using her fingers and getting wet
What... fingerpainting? Or maybe doing the dishes, or watering the lawn... I wish they wouldn't be so vague.


and the one that really takes the cake:
Vesicular archdiocese electronic cabbage mundane oint neuronal bayberry earthworm!
Amen to that, brother!

BACK WITH ANOTHER ONE OF THOSE...

Here are my music picks for July: a lil' bitta funk to move the junk in your trunk.

Has Your Man Got Soul [Jamie Lewis Darkroom Remix] Milk & Sugar

Just You & I [Original Dub] Demon Richie & Mister T

Stars Are Blind [The Scumfrog's Extreme Makeover] Paris Hilton

Do I Look Like A Slut? [Peter Rauhofer's Dirty Ho Mix] Avenue D

Bad Girls Go To Hell [Original Club Mix] Hakkan Libdo

Life Goes On [Almighty Definitve Mix] LeAnn Rimes

Back On A Mission [DJ Dan Remix] Cirrus

Feel Good Time [Boris & Beks Massive Club Mix] P!nk

The World Is Mine [The Fuck-Me-I'm-Famous Remix / Deep Dish Club Mix] David Guetta

and my number one, old school jam of the month is:

Release The Pressure [DJ Sneal & Doc Martin Remix] KingSize Funk

If you'd like to know more about these (or any other) tunes I've listed on my blog, post a comment, and maybe I'll send you a CD.

RATHERISMS (or, That's The Way It Is...)

I was reading a book the other day — a collection of trivia/trivial odds'n'ends, if you will — and I came across a collection of Dan Rather quotes... here of some of my favorites:

"This race is humming along like Ray Charles"

"In southern states, Bush beat Kerry like a rented mule."

"The re-election of Bill Clinton is as certain as a double-tied knot in rawhide."

"These (election) returns are running like a squirrel in a cage."

"This race is as tight as a too-small bathing suit on a too-hot car ride back from the beach."

"This race is spandex-tight."

"This race is shakier than cafeteria Jello-O."

They just don't make 'em like him anymore, huh? (By the way, did anyone else catch Access Hollywood anchor(ette) Billy Bush's sit-down with industry legend Mike Wallace? They showed a clip on E's Talk Soup... a sample question: "You're always so tan... so, is that, like, a spray-on type deal, or what?" The famous news-anchor's reply? A roll of the eyes, and, a simple, "Yes, of course." But Billy, being a Bush and all, really went for the high road here, with the follow-up: "You mean, you go to the spray-on place?" No, the really don't make 'em like Danny Rather anymore.)

If you'd like to know more about the book where I picked up these "Ratherisms," click here.

RIDING THE BUS

A quote from Oprah Winfrey, on fame:

"Everyone wants to ride with you in the limo, but what you need is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down."

Amen, sister

ANN COULTER (AND OTHER THINGS MY MOM IS WRONG ABOUT, Part One)

My sister (the older one, not the younger one) wrote me an email about an argument she had with my mother. My mom said Ann Coulter and Kathy Griffin were exactly the same... my sister was pretty frustrated, as she felt she wasn't able to articulate the difference. So here's what I told her:

1. I sorta understand mom's point -- if you don't listen to what either one says (you know, the same way she doesn't REALLY know the lyrics to ANY song she's singing?), and just take a temp-reading from the amount of media coverage/talk-time at the family dinner table both one gets, yes, they are EXACTLY the same. Just like how Osama Bin Laden and George Bush are exactly the same... or how Bill O'Reiley and Anderson Cooper are the same, or like Oprah Winfrey and the host of 'Cheaters" are identical. (See definition of "kraz-eee")

2. While passionate, and correct (all digs at Julie Cleaver aside), I’m not sure you're taking the right approach with this line of thinking. The important difference between Kathy and Ann Cunter is that one has the capacity to grow, learn and expand their horizons. The other one is Ann Coulter. Yes, they both take extreme positions on their side of the political spectrum, and yes, they both say things for shock value, and/or to hear the sound of their own voice. But (just to name two examples of the important distinctions in character) consider:

a. Kathy used to bag on Celine Dion pretty bad; saying her husband starting having sex with her when she was 14, etc., but after meeting Celine (when Celine came through in a pinch, for one of Kathy's MANY philanthropic activities, and yes, that's Kathy's charities: 5, to Ann's, uh, well none), Kathy changed her tune. Yes, she still pointed out all the wacky, only-a-celeb would do this sort of antics, but she admitted she was wrong, and talked equally about how much she like Celine. Ann Coulter, on the other hand, has dug in her heels to the point where even the talking heads on Fox News starting distancing themselves.

b. Kathy, during a previous stand-up bit, took Stella McCarthy to task for her 'fashion' and other celeb-reality bullsh!t. Anyway, Kathy explains that her whole bit isn't to be rude (unlike Ann coulter, who writes entire books about how worthless other people are, simply b/c they fail to agree with her), but to joke, and make light of so-called serious celebs. But Kathy interviewed Gweynth and Stella, and Stella not only got the Kathy's whole bit, but played into/played along with it, she changed here tune... on Stella, but not Gwen-Gwen, b/c she was still a total biatch.

Ya see? The ability to take in new info and grow... it's what separates us from the lower life forms, like Ann Coulter.

JUNE TUNES

Yes, this is way late, but if you don't like that... you can just suck it. Here—in no particular order—are my tunes for this month:

Just You & I [Dub Version] Mister T

S.O.S. [Jason Nevins Remix] Rhianna

Get Together [White Label Remix] Madonna

Nobody Knows Me [Live] Madonna

Ready To Run [Album Version] LeAnn Rhimes

Ain't No Other Man [Radio Edit] Xtina

Oh, and anything remixed by Jacques Lu Cont/Paper Faces

And yes, that's it. Stand by for more...

THE RETURN

My computer is back from the repair shop, so... it's ON fool!

COLT Studio Signs Brad Patton

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OH YEAH... THAT WAS BUTCH

Sorry for the lack of posts this past week -- I have plenty to say, so I'll have to play catch-up.

I was listening to one of my favorite podcasts recently, and got a big surprise: another shout-out from the crew over at the Gay Pimp Podcast! This show really rocks, and if you haven't checked it out yet,
there's something wrong with you! I was flattered to be mentioned during the show, but I have this to say, to Str8boy Martin:

Oh, yeah... that was butch! Beating a girl in an arm-wrestling match?! OK, so she's a lesbian, but if you won the match, she obviously wasn't one of those bull-dyke types. I loves ya to death, but c'mon... butch it up; represent your demographic, man! (And if anyone out there thinks I'm wrong, examine the "straight" guy's one-word review of a song, or dragshow, or something: delicious. Now, what kind of straight guy uses that word, even when he's talking about food?)

Harumph!

DOZE WERE DA DAZE

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BRAD DOES TEXAS

If you're in the Houston, TX area this weekend, check out hottie Brad Patton at South Beach!

GET MORE FROM T-MOBILE

... Toneesha Mobile, that is.

Here's the final version of the first (phake) ad I whipped up for the boys over at PNSexplosion... if this amuses you, but you have NO idea what its about, listen to the PNSexplosion podcast. I've been listening to cheeze guys since the first episode (back when that Oompah Loompah who runs the mic, and twiddles the knobs wasn't allowed to speak -- and it was called The Patrick & Noah Show), and it has quickly become one of my favorite shows.

I've got more podcast art goodies, customized icon sets and a few more ticks up my sleeve... so stay tuned.

THE NEW JAY (Take Two)

I wasn't pleased with the first graphic I whipped up for this contest on The Gay Pimpin' With Jonny McGovern podcast (I guess I was still in a funk over the news Jay* was leaving). This time, I opted for a more obvious approach (read: I'm still not happy, but have to be at work in a little while).

If you think you can fill Jay*'s gogo boots (or jockstrap for that matter), get your hot little bod over to www.GayPimp.com... your big, gay daddy needs you!

NOW ACCEPTING APPLICATIONS...

I was very sad to hear the news that Jay* (NYC Go-GoBoy, and all-around hottie) was hanging up his... uh, underwear/jockstrap, I guess. Now domesticated (or so they say), Jay will no longer be dancing, or appearing on The Gay Pimp's Podcast. [Aside to Str8boy Martin: butch it up, Mary! With Jay out of the picture, the nelly-factor will soar out of control. Keep it in check, or else it's sand in your vaseline... got it?] Jay was a regular contributor to the GPP, and while not on the level of cultural impact, of say... Sophia Lamar, he brought something unique to the show. (Large, and unique, from what I'm heard.) Although his movie reviews were, well... they were, uh... well, that isn't the point. He was really cute, and he's got a great ass, OK? There are plenty of hot, young gay guys out there with big doingers, and asses as sweet as vanilla ice cream, but not all of them can go-go, let alone give strip-tease movie reviews.

But I put my full faith in the big, gay pimp-daddy on the other coast: if there's a boy hot enough out there to fill the hole... eww, let's not go there. Jonny McGovern will deliver, cause that's just what he does. If you, or someone you know thinks they have what it takes to be the next big Go-Go/Movie Slut sensation, go to Jonny McGovern's site, and get to work!

MEIN LIFE, MEIN KARD

My name Nunyo Dambizness
My childhood ambition, according to the little book my mom filled out when I was a tot, was to be a garbage man, or drive a tractor. (Butch, huh? So what the hell happened?)
My soundtrack needs a knob to control the volume.
My retreat: my music.
My wildest dreams would scare you.
My proudest moment has yet to come.
My biggest challenge is avoiding the urge to climb up on a clock tower, with a high-powered rifle, and… ooops, uh, forget I said that one.
My alarm clock is set to some obnoxious ‘morning zoo’ morning-drive, radio program, so I’ll be sure to get out of bed and turn the damn thing off!
My perfect day would be around 67 to 73 degrees, Fahrenheit.
My first job was at a movie theatre. Actually, now that I think about it, I taught swimming lessons at our homeowner’s association pool one summer… but for some reason, I don’t count it as work.
My indulgence varies, from day to day.
My last purchase was a few boxes of those 100-calorie chip packages. It’s all about portion-control, people!
My favorite movie depends on my mood (and who’s asking). But I would say I’ve always been particularly fond of “Amadeus” and “Clue.”
My inspiration eludes me as I grow older.
My life is a drama, with a beginning, a middle and no end!
My card isn’t from some snooty, evil company like American Express—they screwed me once, and that was one too many times for my taste!

American Excess

SPAM-O-MATIC

Here are this week's top-picks for SPAM:

Cute young teen pussy fucking big cock
Is it the pussy that's young, or the teen?

Re: Lavyqo News
What news? Huh? Who are these people?

Amazingly brunette babe using a vibro
How, pray tell, is someone or something "amazingly" brunette?

Bigtit babes gets lesbian fuck
How many are there? Grammar, people, grammar. I like my cheap internet porn to make sense!

Yummy teen stuffs pussy with hairh brush
Yummy? And is it more than one teen? Or is is the yummy one who is trying to comb-out the other one's hairpie?

Smoking hot teen babysitter threesome
Teens who smoke are not hot, and threesomes can be awkward..

Busty cheerleader massievly doggy styled
What if I want to see her only sort-of get styled?

You won’t find anything better, Cassie
They're not even trying, now.

You are lucky boy
No, I'm a lucky dog, but thanks for trying.

Real men never cry
No, but we do eat flan.

Fortune smiled on us
What-e-ver!

After a famine in the stall comes a famine in the hall
So sayeth the good book!

and my personal favorite:

Acquitting bartend reef dyad viscometer allegoric octile westward interim kulak
Amen!

LACRIMOSA! LACRIMOSA!

Lacrimosa dies illa, qua resurget ex favilla judicandus homo reus.
Huic ergo parce, Deus. Pie Jesu Domine, dona eis requiem.


Sorry I haven't posted in recent days, but my G4 — named Opus — kicked the bucket last week. I know this sounds silly, but I wept... I wept mostly because Opus was the last thing in my life that wasn't totally f*cked--so much so, that I never thought about how good I had it.

I spent a better part of the weekend online (on someone else's computer, mine just has this circle with a slash through it, and won't boot from the install disc or any back-up volumes) and trying to get in touch with Apple, and trying not to end up on top of a clock-tower with a rifle. I won't go into details, but let's just say this shouldn't have happened, as far as everything on paper goes, but...

Well here we are. I did manage to recover my external drive data — after a few short prayers, and a a few hours in Disk Utility repair options — so some of the extras I've been working on (my PNSexplosion 100th Episode Megamix, the custom icon sets I've made for The Gay Pimp, Entertainment Beat With Frances Gumm and the PNSexplosion podcasts a sample of which I've posted here, and my various personal music projects) are intact in one form or another...

but Opus (named for both the musical and comic strip meanings of the word), or at least the Opus I know is gone.

/sigh/

GET READY (AGAIN) MY LIL' GAY BABIES!

The second season of the 'Gay Pimpin' With Jonny McGovern' podcast kicked off this week... without a certain go-go boy, but with all of the sass, and all of the ass we all came to know and love. (And love to know and came all over.)

S'bout time, c*nts!

BETTER GET READY...

ready to ru-uuuuun!

I didn't post my music picks for April, so here's an extra-big, fatty May edition. I picked this photo for a couple of reasons. (Hope y'all can read the text, and everything's spelled rite... heh, heh, heh. That was a joke.) First off, my little sis' asked me for a copy of their song, "Ready To Run," but I didn't have it. Long story short: I fell in love with it. I already loved the gals, for a number of reasons, but this was the first time I actually paid attention to their music.

Yes, their stand on the war, and our President won me over. (The backlash against them wasn't half as bad as it was reported in the media, but I'll post on that, later in the week.) But what first caught my eye, and won them a place my heart was the ad campaign this photo is taken from. Yeah, Candies are kinda lame, and yeah, it is a bit of a sell-out move to take-on a huge sponsor like this...

But I love that the ad shows all three of them chowing down -- and I mean, wolfing down -- greasy, All-American fast food in the back of their limo. If you're smart enough to read this post, then you're smart enough to know how few positive images of healthy, real women circulate in our mainstream media. Yes, childhood obesity is on the rise, but somehow, at some point, those chubby lil' porkers start starving themselves (or worse) by the time they leave for college. Bravo, to the D-Chicks, for presenting an image of women eating food, and enjoying it. To the rest of the gals -- excluding the cast of the Charlie's Angels movies (you go, Drew!), I only have this to say: when your elbows are the largest part of your upper-body, it's time to re-think you relationship with food.

Eww... bit of a downer-post, huh? Oh well. Go cheer yourself up with some music - most, or all of my music picks can be found on legitimate music web sites, so go ahead, and get your groove on!