Friday, January 28

LATER NEVER THAN BETTER

Oh, I am soooooo confused right now, you know? No, you don't. There's no one out there.

OK, so I do have a couple of new posts (mostly for myself), but the "HoYay!" article I wrote for FRESHMEN magazine (site here) isn't ready yet -- in the copy edit part of the process, the "Tinkerbell Syndrome" and "The Salieri Complex" aren't even half-way to where I'd like them to be...

I'll get to them this weekend, if I don't make it to the Chi Chi LaRue party in San Diego...long story, need rest now.

Wednesday, January 26

FISH GOTTA SWIM...

and birds gotta fly..."
Man, oh man, on man. Gus Mattox (web site here). Do you know him? You should. It's not THAT unusual for a guy in porn to be sexy (great bod, killer smile, amazing...well F&B). But what's a little more unusual, is how smart and personable he is.

Don't get me wrong, there are lots of super cool, intelligent, crazy/sexy/cool porn stars:
Michael Lucas NO, his lips don't look like that all the time, and YES, they're real. He's actually one of the smartest, coolest, nicest guys I've met in porn so far.
Josh Weston He has a great bod, a sweet soul and it turns out he's a killer writer. What, you don't believe me? Watch out for the April issue of MEN magazine, on our new, signature back page.
Blue Blake...OK, wait.

I could sit here and list all the cool ones, but I was talking about Gus, and I was talking about him for a reason. He's been doing quite a bit of writing for me, in MEN magazine, and now he's got something going with UNZIPPED. Don't quite know what, but the guys from Unzipped are my favorite, and Gus rocks, so it should be awesome.

What really blows me away about Gus is how approachable and funny he is. He just got back from a COLT Studios (Buckshot) shoot with Dean Phoenix (how many covers do I have to put you on, before you say hello?), iPod Miklos and make-belive boyfriend #2, director/PR/marketing guy, Kristofer Weston. (Kris just hooked MEN up with a hot, hot cover for April, so make sure you keep an eye out for it. But the coverguy is m-b b/f #5, so hands off!), Anyway, Gus got home from the shoot, and sent me a bunch of great email, which got shorter, and shorter, and shorter until he finally admitted he was lagged and went to bed. (Alone? He didn't say...)

Anyway, there's just this...warmth surrounding everything he does, and when I checked my work email this morning, I read through his email again, and now I can't stop grinning...

Oh yeah, there was a debate in our office as to whether or not he looks like Cary Grant or somebody. I dunno. He looks like him, which is all he needs.

[NEW POST LATER TODAY on HoYay!, Blogspeak and Other WWWierdness, as well as a posting of my original essay on "The Tinkerbell Syndrome" and other social phenom. See? Told ya I was gonna be back.]

Sunday, January 23

CLOSER TO THE LIGHT (Part 1)

Forgive me father...it's been almost a month since my last post. I'll try and do this each Sunday/Monday to recap/map-out the seven days He gave me...and that I seem to be wasting.

THE SOUND OF ONE HAND SNAPPING
The reason I've been so low-profile? Drugs. No, seriously, my boss has been making my life really sh!tty for a while now. He just announced he's stepping down, which is a good thing...I think. He's going after something else, something he says will make him happy. So I'm happy for him. But it begs the question, as my friend Philip is so fond of saying. [SNARK: Just saw him for the first time in a couple of years, with his partner Josh. They haven't changed a bit. J'adore them. J'acan't imagine them in my life now, but not opposed to it, on some level.]

So, the question: WHAT THE HELL? No, really. What has the past couple of months been about. I mean, what is he like? What's he like, anyway? I took this job for him. Well, I took it for the person I thought he was. He failed to mention (as did the VP of HR and the president of my company) that he wouldn't be around for the first six months...the time that was supposed to be spent training me, molding me.

[SECRET] You see, I'm perfect for this job, I've just...uh, never done it before. Much love and respect to the pres. of the co. for taking such a huge chance on the kid, and even deeper, profound love and respect to her and the rest of the troops who stuck by me (or in some cases, came around to my "side"). I've been told, by people at this company, that I "require a lot of attention."

Uh, duh!?! A new employee, especially one who needs training, usually requires attention. And attention must be paid, one way or another. I'll spare (myself mostly) everyone the long, boring drama...it wasn't really about me, in the end. I took it, dealt with it the best way I knew/know how. And even though my supervisor leaving (thus, oh, I don't know, DOUBLING my work load?!) being out of the picture wasn't the resolution I had in mind, it's the one life gave me.

The president of our company, and indeed many of the new-hires she brought on in the wake of my arrival (OK, so I'll go back over The Drama in a later post, I'm trying to be a big boy and not dwell, OK?) rock, and rock hard. There's a general feeling of, "this should be more fun," taking center stage now, and it feels right. I mean, it's porn...GAY porn, at that, and our company is on the verge of becoming the Turner Entertainment of gay porn, so if I can just hold out...

AND THAT'S IT
No, really. I've never wanted anything so much, and had to just be...someone other than me. It's downright sh!tty at times. I get hazed pretty hard, have to deal with some major passive-aggressive behavior, am held to a different standard that most of the other employees, have to deal with my "street cred" with the staff and put out strange fires...like the rumor/joke that the prez and I are related. I won't get into THAT one, but if you know my boss, and you know me, you know how laughable it is. The more I learn, the more I master my job (and I mean MASTER, have you seen the February issue of my flagship magazine yet?), the more twacked things get...which is the exact opposite of what you'd expect, right?
It should get easier, the harder I work, but it doesn't. But at least I know what part of the mess is mine, now. And with my parole officer, uh, I mean, boss, on his way out, there's more mess to clean up/more ground to claim.

Yeah, it's a mess...but if this what success feels like (and I don't know if it is), I'll take it.

I'LL TAKE IT ALL