Friday, August 31

GAY UNDERTONES ON A FAMILY PROGRAM!


Maybe I'm just reading too much into it, but is there a super gay subtext to this scene, and pretty much all of the scenes between these two?

MORE SIMPSONS MADNESS!!!


If you haven't been to the promotional site for The Simpsons Movie, SimpsonizeMe.com, you're really missing out. Here's another look at one of the many graphics you can create... it's me, on the set of Krusty The Klown's show!

Thursday, August 30

AVENUE Q, BOISE, IDAHO



This mash-up features music from Avenue Q, the Tony-Nominate Broadway hit, now playing in San Diego, and on its way to Los Angeles. And I must say, this is pretty darn funny.

Wednesday, August 29

HOW INSULTING!!!

From Uncle John's Book of Quotes, here are some of my favorite, famous insults:

"If you can't be a good example, at least be a horrible warning" -Catherine Aird

"He looks like an explosion in a pubic hair factory." -Johnathan Miller about journalist Paul Johnson

"So boring, you fall asleep halfway through her name." -Alan Bennett speaking about Greek writer Arianna Stassinopolous

"Your manuscript is both good and original; but the part that is good is not original, and the part that is original is not good." -Samuel Johnson

"She had lost the art of conversation, but not, unfortunately, the power of speech." -George Bernard Shaw

"She looked as though she had been poured into her clothes and forgotten to say, 'when'." -P.G. Wodenhouse

Tuesday, August 28

FILE UNDER: INSULT + INJURY

I guess I should not be surprised that yet another staunch Christian conservative Republican windbag, famed for his "moral" stances against homosexuality, fell from grace this week. Yes, Sen. Larry Craig, from Idaho (the reddest of red states) admitted to pleading guilty to charges stemming from an attempt to engage in same-sex activity in an airport bathroom.

This is a man who, for "moral" and "religious" reasons, voted with several anti-gay measures before the Senate during his illustrious career... a career which includes several other allegations of sexual misconduct of a homosexual nature. (Some of this alleged behavior includes minors, and goes back several decades.) It sickens me that any Senator has a public voting record considered Anti-Gay. (This label was slapped on Craig by MSNBC - a centrist channel.)

This is a man who lead the call for Clinton's impeachment, citing the moral-less road we were being lead down my our then-commander in chief.

After this latest addition to his list of alleged criminal, homosexual behavior, Craig stepped down from his role in Mitt Romney's presidential campaign. But today, he announced he will be attending a rehab clinic in Florida. No, he's not hiding from his misconduct behind the veil of substance abuse (like the last Republican member of congress accused of illegal homosexual activity). He's attending Promises, Promises, to become straight... or at least to "correct subversive and latent" behavior.

I'm no expert in reparative therapy (and, according to all the major psychological organizations, no can be, as it is not an actual scientific discipline), but I think any man who has had gay sex in public restrooms for more than 20 years of his life is officially beyond help... so far beyond help, in fact, I'd have to label him pretty flaming gay. I don't care if he's married, or how many children he has, straight men don't have sex with other men. They don't accept offers of sexually gratifying behavior, and they most certainly don't solicit it from other men, either... especially not in public restrooms, they way Fairy Craig, uh, I mean, Larry Craig did.

This is yet another example of the conservative right needing to get their own house in order before they go legislating or calling for legislation enforcing their moral views. It is also a reminder that the moral majority is neither.

Monday, August 27

THE PINATA FINALLY BREAKS

It should come as no surprise, unless you've been under a rock all day, Attorney General Alberto Gonzalez resigned under a cloud of shame and spin. Fox News (yes, I watch it sometimes) went on the immediate defensive declaring Gonzalez had made a "positive mark on America" and "helped us win the war on terror." Really? No, REALLY? We've won the war on terror? Oh, so that's why he's resigning! According to the @ss-wipes at Fox Noise, we've won the war on terror!

And no, I didn't hear them wrong... I waited to hear the "news" reporter dig in deeper, or correct the other reporter, but that moment never came. He just nodded in agreement, and shook his head, as though Alberto resigning was a shame; as though Gonzalez hadn't been given a fair shake. Again, I'll ask: really? No, seriously... was there anything the now former-Attorney General did that didn't result in scandal, congressional hearings and the eventual discussion of impeachment of both himself and the President?

Watching Bush's attempt at speaking today, offering his thoughts and comments on the latest rat to jump ship from the sinking ship that was our highest elected office, all I could think was, wow, this guy isn't just dumb, he may be mildly retarded. He spoke in broken, uneven cadences and couldn't deliver an entire sentence without looking down at his notes. I know what you're thinking: big deal, maybe he's not the best public speaker. But it goes beyond that: he couldn't even remember a simple cliche, describing Gonzalez as having been, "dragged through the, uh... (looks down at notes) ... uh, mud."

Our president is so out of touch with his own reality, so clueless as to the degree of trouble he's brought upon our country, he's unfamiliar with a simple cliche that best describes the way his staff operates. May God bless America, and may we recover from the current regime and their moral-less antics.

(Odd, but true: the plural of Attorney General is Attorneys General.)

Thursday, August 23

AND THE AWARD FOR BIGGEST HYPOCRITE GOES TO...

A report surfaced today naming the single largest employer illegal immigrants: the United States Government.

Yes, good ol' Uncle Sam, while holding sessions in Congress, and with the President giving speeches about the need to reform immigration in the US... employs over half a million known immigrants not cleared to work under current law. A large number of them hold non-work clearance from the Social Security administration. That is to say, the US Government knows these people are here (illegally), has issued them ID numbers and determined that as non-citizens they may not work... and then hires them to work.

Some of these people (an alarming percentage) even have US Government-issued warrants seeking deportation. It seems that no one bothered to a) check any of the over 500,000 employees against the deportation list, b) bothered to check any other employees against the list of immigrants not cleared to work or run any other type of background checks... for government jobs.

If our country could speak, in a single voice, it would probably say something like, "Where are we going, and why are we in this hand basket?"

PUTTING THE WINE BACK IN WINEHOUSE



I don't get half of the pop references (she's on a pop-quiz show called The Buzzcocks, but it is still hilarious. (Not safe for work, or for small children.) Thanks to the guys over at The Daily Purge for this great clip.

UGLIEST 'REAL WOLD' CAST... EVER!

MTV recently launched the 19th Season of the "mother of all reality shows" in Sydney, Australia recently. While the show certainly managed to break down stereo types, and cultural borders in its first few years, but in recent years... well, let's just say it would serves as an ideal advertisement for local AA chapters, or rehab clinics.

The drinking, alcohol-induced racist and homophobic rants and wild, unchecked sexual partnering on season 18 was an embarrassment to humans everywhere. If this was a sample of life in the real world, the real world is populated by morons, idiots and emotionally unbalanced people.

This recent criticism aside, one of the most common complaints about the Real World franchise is the number of model-quality gorgeous participants cast in each house - several casts looked like A&F catalogs come to life, which caused critics to cry foul. Many were upset by the idea that thousands of young people watching this show a) felt the need to live up to this beauty standard, and b) would think that if they didn't see images like their own on TV, they don't matter. (Some casts, like this year's, don't feature a gay or lesbian member, prompting further protests. Do gays and lesbians not inhabit the "real world?")

But, to my surprise, this current crop of Real World-ers breaks the mold: they are ugly. Almost borderline fugly, some would say. Don't get me wrong - after viewing the first episode, one has the distinct impression these kids are just as alcoholic and sexually immature as their predecessors... only markedly less attractive. The Real World, indeed.

Wednesday, August 22

WHO READ THIS REPORT?

According to a report published by the Associated Press, last year, less than 1/4 of all literate adults did not read any books.

I would have more to say about the sad, sorry state of adult literacy in America, but...

uh, well... I didn't read the report - just the headline in the local newspaper. But at least I'm looking at the newspaper, right?

GUILTY PLEASURE #346

VH1 doesn't offer many quality programs - witness Flavor of Love, The Fabulous Life Of... or Awesomely Wacky Celebrity Baby Names - and their new show, The Pick-Up Artist is so bad, I'm embarrassed by them, and for them.

I won't go too far out on a limb here, so as to suggest they've started quality programming... but I will admit to watching one of their shows quite regularly. (When the treadmill used to be in front of the TV, I would watch VH1 in the morning - the one time they actually show music videos.)

Yes, I will admit to watching the cheese-tastic Mission: Man Band. And not just the re-runs I happen to run into, but sitting down and purposely watching the new ones (Monday nights at 10:00 pm). Aside from the usual reality post-celebrity train-wreck watchability, the show boasts some decent eye candy. Enter, one Jeff Timmons, formerly of 98 Degrees.

For those of you out of the loop on the 1990s boyband mess, 98 Degrees was the runner-up... consistently. N'Sync had more record sales (they are represented in Mission: Man Band by the questionably talented strange looking Chris Kirkpatrick). And Backstreet Boys had better moves than 98 Degrees. But between Timmons and the brothers Lachey, 98 Degrees had the pecs, delts abs and hair-gel making their saccharine, washed-up, bleached-over tunes half palatable. (But only half, mind you.)

When Nick Lachey struck out on his own, and younger brother Drew headed off for a stint on Dancing With The Stars, that left Timmons (and the fourth, fugly member of 98 Degrees) out in the cold. And thanks to VH1, we now know why. Timmons, while lickable, likable and lovable, isn't much of a performer.

Don't get me wrong, he sings well... and that little body of his has only gotten better with time. He's just a little timid; a little reserved on stage and in the studio. And who would blame him? After a rocky career in a boy band, this Man Band (named Sureshot; check out their MySpace page here), doesn't seem like such a sure shot. But success or not, I'll be tuned in.

Tuesday, August 21

TNT's "THE CLOSER" CAN SUCK IT!

As I've blogged in the past, TNT's The Closer has claimed to be, "the most watched basic cable show of all time." What I didn't say, is how much posturing and puffery like this fails to impress me. No, let's be truthful - it annoys the crap out of me.

First of all, this type of advertising (also used in marketing movies) is just plain ol' lame. I mean, if you don't want to see a film or TV show, will the fact that it did well in the ratings or box office change your mind about wanting to see it? I don't know about you, but the "success" of a project does not change my mind... if I have no interest in seeing something, it doesn't matter how well it does, or how many people it dupes into watching it. (I mean, I despised every minute of Titanic, but that won several awards and made millions of dollars... which didn't make me like it any more.)

Well, at least now, I can rest a little easier. It seems as though TNT's The Closer has been knocked off its pedestal by Disney's High School Musical 2. While I don't care for this particular brand of entertainment (the music is too canned for my tastes), I'm happy to see Disney isn't trying to brag or cash in on this record-breaking event.

TIME TO BOYCOTT THE EMMYS

Not like I was going to watch them anyway, but today, I'm calling for a viewer boycott of this year's Emmy telecast. Why?, you ask? Because the ubiquitous, yet talentless man once described as, "bland ambition," Ryan Seacrest has been selected as the host of this year's telecast.

In announcing their decision, the Emmy producers said Seacrest, "appeals to a broad audience, including the highly desirable young adult demographic." Really? No, but... really? What imaginary "broad audience" is it that Ryan Seacrest appeals to? Just because a large (but declining) audience happens to tune into a show this goof ball hosts doesn't mean he personally draws a big audience. Was there no stand-up comedian out there the Emmy folks felt like giving a break to? I mean, look what happened to Elen Degeneres' career when she hosted the Academy awards! Is there no other person out there as worthy (or even more worthy) than the bland as dry toast Seacrest?

And to make matters worse, Seacrest was recently given the green light to make a show about another talentless individual, Kim Cardashian... who ever the hell that is! When will the reign of bland end?

WHAT'S THE 'M' FOR AGAIN?

A simple glance at your TV program guide for this week (and last week as well) will reveal some interesting things. First, the Disney folks feel like over-doing it with High School Musical 2. And yes, I know it was the most watched show in Disney Channel History, but c'mon... a sing-a-long, only two days after the premiere?

But even more disturbing, is what MTV is up to. They are showing, round the clock, and in between awful "reality" shows like The Hills and The Real World, marathons of America's Next Top Model. Now, don't get me wrong... I love me some Tyra Banks, Mister and Mrs. J, Nigel Barker, and Top-Model nonsense. But round-the-clock marathons? Every day? In lieu of all forms of programming?

Now, I know the premiere of the new season is coming up, and marathons are often a good way to build excitement for a new season of a show. (I think the folks over at Sci Fi could take a hint, and get on the ball with a Battlestar Galactica marathon or three, leading into their new season.) But MTV is supposed to be the home for all things music. I've forgiven the "reality" shows they've started, with the understanding that these shows are supposed to be a breeding ground for new music... in other words, if you watch these shows, you should hear new music during the course of the run. But this? This is ridiculous. What's the 'M' in MTV for now? Model?

Monday, August 20

TV REPORT (Finale, Pt. 2)

And now, for the final installment of my Summer TV Report: the stuff that didn't suck.

Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List - quote possibly the best season yet, on every level. Despite major setbacks in her personal life (too numerous and severe to go into here), Kathy's comedy was on-point all season long. But what really stood out for me was the "serious" stuff; i.e., the visit to death row, etc. Can't wait to see her next stand-up special, or the next season.

Damages - Even though this FX Networks drama is just getting started, I've enjoyed every single episode. Expertly written, acted and directed, each episode has been a shining beacon of what quality drama can, and should be.

Dr. Who - although I must admit to missing a couple of episodes, this Sci Fi Channel import from the UK continues to entertain on every level. Even my mom is hooked on the show now.

Chelsea Handler Lately - this late-night latest addition to the talk-show landscape has me in stitches nearly every time I watch it. We'll see if E! shows a little better judgment and keeps this show... or at least better judgment than it showed when it gave the thumbs-up to Sunset Tan or that show with Kim Kardashian. (Can anyone even tell me who the hell she is?)

Kyle XY - yes, this show blows, and blows on a weekly basis... but that's what makes it so much fun. I don't think I'll be back for another season after this one.

Countdown with Keith Olbermann - yes, as in the daily news program on MSNBC. If you haven't checked this show out yet, you need to. It is an amazing blend of news, satire and commentary... the kind this country could use more of. It's like The Daily Show, only for real.

AUGUST MUSIC EXTRA

I was a little too embarrassed to have included this one on my original August Tunes list, but after seeing it as the number single download on iTunes, and on video countdowns for both MTV Tr3s and BET, I figured I wasn't alone in enjoying this cheeseball tune.

Sean Kingston's Beautiful Girls samples pretty heavily from Ben E. King's classic Stand By Me, and while it doesn't have the same emotional or sentimental punch, it is just catchy. Sean's islander accent, like many others in the R&B industry (i.e. Sean Paul, Snow, for starters) may be fake, or over-acted, but it adds to the charm of this song.

Also adding to the addictive level of this track is Kingston's clever use of a vocoder (think Cher's Believe... only not lame, and plaid-out) on the back-up vocals. It's been a while - back to 1999, with the Basement Jaxx's Rendezvous - since I've heard a vocoder used this expertly. It's a nice sing-a-long track worth checking investing in, while realizing that you won't remember this track six months from now.

TV REPORT (Finale, Pt. 1)

Well, the summer season of TV is coming to an end, so it's time to give my wrap-up report.

So You Think You Can Dance - well, I was pretty bummed when they bumped Pasha from the show, but I was happy with the outcome, so I guess it washes out in the end. Interesting side-note: the show wowed critics, but failed to deliver the big ratings of previous seasons.

Shows That Bombed - We saw the usual carnage this summer, with early casualties like Creature Comforts, Paula Abdul: Straight Up and Victoria Beckham: Coming To America. I thought NBC should have given Posh & Becks more of a chance, but that's just me.

Shows That Just Plain Stink - Bravo managed to pull out a whole bunch of stinkers, including Flipping Out, Welcome to the Parker and previously mentioned Paula Abdul disaster. Another NBC Universal flop in the making is Sci Fi Channel's Flash Gordon. The script(s) and acting both need major overhauls. And yet another NBC Universal property stinking things up is USA Network's Burn Notice. And even though it delivered major ratings, and some Emmy nods, The Starter Wife was pretty stinky, too.

Other disappointments - ABC canceled Traveler without the usual notice or ceremony surrounding a cancellation. Episodes appeared online for a while, but were also yakned rather quickly. Fan and critic favorite Rescue Me has really started to stink as of late, focusing on preachy, AA sort of religious junk instead of developing plot or characters.

A Mixed Bag - Bravo's Top Chef still may be able to rescue itself from collapsing into a tired, predictable show... maybe. Sci Fi's Who Wants To Be A Super Hero is lame (again), but at least this year, it is playing up the camp-factor. USA's The 4400 is becoming barely watchable, but I'm hanging in there.

Stay tuned for Part Two of my TV report for the shows that rocked this summer.

AARP INSURANCE CAN SUCK IT!

Have you seen those commercials for AARP's Auto Insurance? The ones showing a bunch of young (mid 20s to 30s) drivers making horrible driving mistakes on the road, and an older, gray-haired driver as the responsible, capable driver. The commercial claims that if you're an, "older, more experienced drivers" you're more likely to be a "good driver."

Hmm... maybe I imagined all those reports of elderly drivers plowing into homes, or worse, crowds of people. Remember that elderly, "experienced" driver in Santa Monica, CA, who drove into a crowded farmer's market killing a bunch of people? It would seem, that the AARP, in their old age, forgot about these tragedies when they made this commercial.

They need to get their sh!t together before they go insulting the rest of us, and our ability to drive.

Sunday, August 19

DOLLY... or DALI?

For my 301st post (yes, it has been three years, at about one hundred posts as year), I've decided to feature a quiz from the BRI. The following twelve quotes are either from Dolly Parton, or Salvador Dali, the famous painter. And just for fun, there's one quote from the Dali Lama. See if you can guess the correct answer. For the correct answers, check here.

1. "The way I see it, if you want a rainbow, you gotta paint up the rain."

2. "I don't do drugs, I am drugs."

3. "Democratic societies are unfit for the publication of such thunderous revelations as I am in the habit of making."

4. "We never actually starved, but sometimes we never had quite enough to eat."

5. "I seated ugliness on my knee, and almost immediately grew tired of it."

6. "When I'm inspired, I get excited because I can't wait to see what I'll come up with next."

7. "When people say less is more, I say more is more. Less is less. I want more."

8. "It is good taste, and good taste along, that possesses the power to sterilize and is always the first handicap to any creative functioning."

9. "There are some days when I think I'm going to die from an overdose of satisfaction."

10. "Even though a bird can fly, it must land on Earth."

11. "I may be an eagle when I fly, but I'm a sparrow when it comes to feelings."

12. "Intelligence without ambition is a bird without wings."

For the correct answers, check here.

Sunday, August 5

AUGUST TUNES

Here are my music picks - a combination of both new and old - to keep you movin' for the whole month of August, 2007.

Don't Stop The Music [Album Version & More Drama Remix] Rihanna - This young lady is simply unstoppable! Her latest single samples Michael Jackson's Wanna Be Startin' Something, and rocks from start to finish. When I walk on the treadmill, I listen to this song 2 or 3 times in just one session... and yes, its that good.

Everybody's Changing Keane - I picked this track up back when it first came out in 2004 (or was it 2005?). But the true brilliance, and dark beauty of this song didn't sink in until my trip to San Diego last month, on the drive down.

Get Me Bodied [Album or Extended Version] Beyoncé - First off, props to Beyoncé for making the video for this song a tribute to all things Fosse, lifting the look and dance from Sweet Charity. This little ditty bumps and thumps, and manages to jam with only a rhythm section, and Beyoncé's vocals.

Get The Party Started Dame Shirley Bassey - Even though she now goes by the title of, "Dame," Ms. Bassey is still a classy broad. She manages to turn the out the jams on this cover of P!nk's party anthem. (You go, Dame Bassey!)

Perfidia Linda Ronstadt - For some reason, this tune (from the Mambo Kings soundtrack) is my summer, lay by the pool Latin groove. I'm not really a Linda Ronstadt fan - she's not anywhere in the vicinity of my typical interests, but I love her Spanglish version of this song.

She's Like The Wind [DJ Skribble Remix] Lumidee feat Tony Sunshine - This track should be credited to Tony Sunshine, as Lumidee only performs for about 20 to 30 seconds of the 3:44 duration of this track. I couldn't stand the original, Patrick Swayze version of this song, and DJ Skribble is a major tool to a sickening degree... but I actually really dig this song. Sunshine turns in a solid vocal, and Skribble delivers some phatty breakbeat styles.

U & Ur Hand P!nk - Another tune I've had since the album, I'm Not Dead, first came out, but it has found its way back onto my iPod. P!nk really struggled to deliver, artistically or sales-wise, after her smash album, Mizundastood. It took a couple of albums, but she's back on her A-game with this feminist bar anthem.

Way I Are Timbaland feat Keri Hilson & D.O.E. - I was bummed to find out that McDonalds had licensed this song for one of its "I'm Lovin' It" ads, but even with my strong dislike of the Golden Arches, I find myself listening to this jam each and every time I get in the car.

Welcome To My Truth Anastacia - This song is from her last album (the one before the premature release of her "Greatest Hits" discs and DVD), and somehow I missed it, completely overlooked it. I love Anastacia's voice - it is one of a kind. But this song touched me on a deeper, more profound level than any pop song has in years.