BAD, BAD BOOKS

I found these twisted takes on children's books somewhere online, and just had to post them:

I'D LIKE TO JOIN THIS BOOK CLUB

Russel Ash and Brian Lake compiled a list of unusual book titles, called Bizarre Books. Here are some of the real-life book titles they found:

What To Say When You Talk To Yourself (1982) Shad Helmstetter

What Do Bunnies Do All Day? (1988) Judy Mastrangelo

The Romance of Proctology (1938) Charles Elton Blanchard

How To Become A Schizophrenic (1992) John Modrow

Teach Yourself Alcoholism (1975) Meier Glatt

Not Worth Reading (1914) Sir George Compton Archibald Arthur

How I Know That The Dead Are Alive (1917) Fanny Ruthven Paget

Hepatopancreatoduodenectomy (1996) F. Hanyu

Warfare In the Enemy's Rear (1963) O. Heilbrunn

THE HARRY POTTER QUIZ

Think you know the world's most famous wizard? Here's a simple quiz, from Sunday's Parade Magazine. The cover of the magazine featured Emma Watson, who plays Hermoine Granger in the new installment, out this week.

For the answers to this quiz, click here. For a more advanced version of the quiz, click here. (And I fully expect you to take the quiz and check your answers... this means you, Julie.)

1. What sport do they play at Hogwarts?
a) broom ball
b) rugby
c) cricket
d) quidditch

2. When was the first Harry Potter book released in the U.S.?
a) 1999
b) 1998
c) 1997
d) 1996

3. What does the "J" in "JK Rowling" stand for?
a) Janine
b) Jillian
c) Joanne
d) Jessica

4. True or false: J.K. Rowling is worth more than the Queen of England.

5. What's the highest number of Harry Potter books sold in the U.S. in one 24-hour period?
a) 6.9 million
b) 5 million
c) 2.7 million
d) 7.8 million

6. Which of these is not a name of a Harry Potter book?
a) Harry Potter & The Order of the Phoenix
b) Harry Potter & The Glass Prophecy
c) Harry Potter & The Half-Blood Prince
d) Harry Potter & The Deathly Hallows

7. Official translations exist in all the following languages except:
a) Ancient Greek
b) Russian
c) Estonian
d) Zulu

8. What is the highest grossing Harry Potter movie to date?
a) Harry Potter & The Sorcerer's Stone
b) Harry Potter & The Chamber of Secrets
c) Harry Potter & The prisoner of Azkaban
d) Harry Potter & The Goblet of Fire

For the answers to this quiz, click here.

MAKE A RUN FOR...

The border? The toilet?

Jenny Whatshername, of Singled Out and Basketball fame, in her first autobiography discloses her love/hate relationship with Taco Bell. She loves the salty, sweet'n'nasty taste of cheap, mass-produced, but thanks to IBS, she has to run to the w/c as soon as the meal is done. I guess you could say she runs because she has the runs, but... well, I'm a little off the point. (There are several things about the first sentence of this paragraph that should scare and/or alarm you:

1. She wrote more than one book.
2. She wrote an autobiography (and got it published) when she was still in her mid- to-late 20s.
3. I actually read the damn book.

OK, go get a napkin so you can wipe-up whatever beverage you just spilled, or the tears running down your face because you're laughing at me now. But in all honesty, it was a good book, with a surprisingly positive message about body-image (she tells, in great deatil, the horror story that was her first boob job). I don't really understand what all the fuss was about, back when she was on Singled Out.

[For you youngsters out there who are scratching your head and wondering what I'm talking about: Singled Out was a horrid, mass-moron dating show on MTV, back in the days when they played music videos. I know, it's hard to imagine, the MUSIC television channel, actually playing MUSIC videos, but there was a time when they did... and then, slowly, so no one noticed, the began replacing the music with 'original programs' like... Singled Out. Our dear Jenny with the IBS was the 'co-host' of this show. Oh, just frackin' Google it, OK?]

While I never understood the reason everyone was so ga-ga over her (she openly enjoyed public activities no girl ever showed on TV before, like picking her nose and farting), one day I found myself sitting in my friend's living room, waiting for the rest of our faggle to show up for a night of fun... and there, was her book. (I read the whole thing in one sitting, before the first pitcher or Mai Tai got passed around, as it was mostly big, gross drawings.) I read the whole thing, and I enjoyed it.

Yeah, I liked it--enough to remember it to this very day. But reading her book is similar to my love affair with the Taco Bell Crunchwrap Supreme: I wouldn't want anyone to know I enjoy it as much as I do.