Thursday, August 31

LOOKING FOR A FEW GOOD...

So it turns out John Cena has been a busy boy... I've noticed he was only getting his head smashed open (by a bench, table or TV set) on WWE once a week or so, and I wondered why.

Then, as I was running errands, I noticed a poster for a new movie: The Marine.

Here's a picture of an, "action sequence from said film.

YUMMY (IN PRINT, ANYWAY)

Check out the cover of the Faces Rainbow Festival magazine! That's COLT stud Brian Hansen, and boy does he look good. Faces is a joint up in Sac-Town (Sacramento, to those of you outside the Golden-Shower State).

He's such a hottie, no? A bunch of the COLT Men will be making appearances this month, and throughout the year, but since the new "Bar & Event Coordinator" can't seem to find SoCal on the map, I'm not going to plug any of their events this time.

Also, has anyone else seen Brian's debut, Big Rig - it was great, but his scene left me softer than the applesauce at a senior citizen's home. (Serioulsly, I've have bm's with more heat. It was like, in the middle of a hot movie, all of a sudden... a scene from an All Worlds video. Blech!) Oh well, maybe his next one will be better. Until then, I have this picture to hold me over.

Wednesday, August 30

OH YEAH...

One more thing... one track I didn't mention on my August tunes list was the 25th Anniversary Edition of the Battlestar Galactica Movie soundtrack. It contains a disco version of the original '70s theme song, lasting over five minutes. Mmm, tasty.

You can check out the track here.

BATHLAZAR'S UH, UH...

Just so y'allz know I'm not lying, here's a picture I ganked from Mr. Too Punk For U's LJ page, from the new season of Nip/Tuck, featuring Saved By The Bell star Mario's ass.

Don't ask me what they were doing in a shower together, or how Mr. TP4U got this pic.

[Aside to Mr. Punk: sorry to hear about the crabs, and thanks for the photos!]

THE NOBLE ORGAN

According to my favorite research institute, Napoleon (the real one, not the moron in the movies) had his wee-wee chopped off after he died. In the the 12th Edition of the BRI's, uh, trivia reading collection, the priest who performed Napoleon's last rites (after being murdered, and robbed — although, maybe not in that order) was found to be in possession of a small, "unpleasant looking piece of dessicated tissue," said to be... well, you see where I'm going with this.

Over the years, the "artifact" has been sold to many different people (for many, sick, sad reasons), and is now a part of the collection at Columbia University.

I'm guessing this doesn't happen to people who win wars, and have big doingers.

Tuesday, August 29

BRAD ON ICE...

How much do we love the fact that COLT Man, Brad Patton placed so well in the Out Games this year? And on the ice, no less.

So hot... wonder how they kept the ice from melting.

BRAVO! MILLION DOLLAR MORONS

Well, it's hats-off the bobos over at the Bravo! Network: the new show they're rolling out, Million Dollar Listings appears to be even more vapid, stomach-turning crap than... well, anything!

Right on the heels of the whole Mel Gibson fiasco, we have a show that glorifies the Melibu lifestyle... I mean, just look at the opening clip, "Welcome to Malibu, full of celebrities," bleets the bloated, tired-looking woman, only half-looking at her client, as she pulls her cell-phone hands-free device free from her ear... with her hands. (Not so hands-free, I guess.)

But this isn't my beef -- there will always be morons on TV; there are just too many stations on-air to avoid this. No, my problem with this show is that it offers nothing new, or of value. Yes, shows like Project Runway may not make for a M.E.N.S.A.-style discussion, but at least I can say I've learned a little bit more about the world of fashion. (Plus, any show with Nina Garcia deserves a place on TV: you go, sister-woman-girlfriend!)

With Million Dollar Listing, all we're left with is a the same ol' garbage! Another choice cut from the show's preview offers a montage of childish tantrum-throwing agents. Why reward this behavior? Why glorify it? Who, in any state of lucid, alert mental activity would justify it by showing off the price-tag of these homes? President Bush always says terrorists hate us for our freedom, but I think they hate us for shows like this.

Monday, August 28

HEY, YAAAAH

I wanted to take a moment out to praise the new film, Idlewild, from the guys in Outkast. I've been reading a number of press sources, all dumping on the film, and it kind of ticked me off. I mean , what do a bunch of old, white men know about what's hip anyway?

The film is smart, sexy and brings the entire genre of musicals into a new era. It sings, dances, dazzles... and just delivers. I highly suggest this film to anyone who knows what cool is, or just wants to know.

The only negative thing I have to say is that the seats weren't that comfortable, and that had nothing to do with the actual film. It was an A+ effort from all involved, so go see it.

Tuesday, August 22

SHIRLEY BASSEY: BEYOND THUNDERDOME!

OK, so this isn't my best Photoshop work, but I just had to do it! I just discovered a new Shirley Bassey album on a site I frequent, and it features a totally taste-free, typical Shirley Bassey moment: a cover of Tina Turner's "We Don't Need Another Hero (Thunderdome)," and Ms. Bassey turns in her usual over-the-top, lounge-diva performance... and I am in love!

Yes, the original is a great tune, but c'mon... nobody covers a tune like Ms. Bassey.

(If you go to the site, you can download a 30-second preview of the track, and see what I mean!)

IN SMURFLAND, THERE'S A BREWERY...

Ah, yes... those are the opening lyrics to, Smurfing Beer, by Father Abraham & The Smurfs. No, I'm not crazy (OK, well... maybe I am), but I'm not making this up.

Back
when I still lived in WeHo, my roommate had a thing for thrift shopping. And not always the good kind, either. We'd troll the thrift stores in Ventura, schlepp to the second-hand stores on Fairfax, south of Wilshire (such an area you should live in, boichik), and sometimes, we'd actually find cool stuff.

Other times, well... we'd find things like Father Abraham In Smurfland, on the original vinyl. I don't know what ever became of that album — I did manage to sample the first 30 seconds of said Smurf drinking song, for my DJ Tools collection — but I've always wondered where on earth this concept came from.

With a little help from the internet, I found out. No, I'm not going to tell you! It was really hard to track down the origins of this record (but not so hard to find some artwork, as you can see). And I think everyone should Google the term, "Smurfs" along with a good, Hebrew name, and see what wonders the world wide web has to offer.

"Are we there yet, Papa Smurf?"

SWEETIE, DAHLING...

My mom does crossword puzzles all the time — and I mean all the time. The only problem is, she feels the need to drag anyone and everyone around her into her activity, blurting out things like, "what's the name of an ice cream company, starting with the letter..." (and she's the ice cream fan in the family!)

Now, don't get me wrong: my mama's way smart; book smart (advanced degrees, multilingual) and pretty street smart for a senior citizen. (She's an amazing artist, too — watercolors, chalk, pencils, you name it!) But the crossword puzzle? This can be an activity spanning several hours. (OK, to be fair, she does the puzzles from several different papers, but still... those puzzles take up hours of her time.) I don't blame her for needing the occasional hint, but sometimes, the clues she calls out stump me, to the point of obsession. Other times, they spark my curiosity, and I end up off, on my own trivia-hunt.

The other day, she asked, "Do you watch, 'Absolutely Fabulous'?"

Do I? Why yes, I even own a box set of DVDs of that very show!


The answer was the name of one of the lead characters... an easy one, if you ask me. But it got me thinking about AbFab, and funny ladies, in general. A quick web-search took me to the BBC site about the show, and to the How Fab Are You? Quiz — a personality test, of sorts. I took the quiz, and the art next to this post shows the results.

If you've ever seen the show (and you have a sense of humor), get over to the site and take the test...

Hmmm... I wonder if Lacroix does personality tests, sweetie...

Tuesday, August 15

WONDERFUL ELECTIRC...


Alright, kids, it's that time again! Here are my music picks for August, 2006 (in no particular order):

Strict Machine [Album Version or Calderone Club Mix] by Goldfrapp - I nabbed this one when it first came out, but have to admit that hearing it on television adverts made me fall in love all over again. (I prefer the "Nip/Tuck" commercial over the Verizon one.)

Still Dirty by Christina Aguilera - I found most of the material on her new, two-disc set a yawn, and even though this track sounds a bit' left-over from her last album, it's a great track.

Love Sensation [Freemasons Club Mix] by Lolleata Holloway - this track is still the ultimate jam, after all these years.

Bossy [The Scumfrog Club Mix] by Kelis & Stars R Blind [The Scumfrog Extreme Make-Over Mix] by Paris Hilton - these two Scumfrog remixes rock... a huge improvement on the original(s).

Miss You [Jacques Lu Cont Remix] by Mirwais - Stuart Price (a.k.a. Jacques Lu Cont, Les Rythmes Digitales, Thin White Duke, Paper Faces, et. al.) can do no wrong in my book. Seriously.

I'm With Stupid [PSB Maxi Mix] by the Pet Shop Boys - one of the few pop artists from the 80s still growing, still keeping things interesting.

Hallelujah by Jeff Buckley - Pure genius. Period. (Loved it in "The West Wing," too.)

Not Ready To Make Nice by The Dixie Chicks - I absolutely love this song, and play it almost every day.

Thursday, August 10

MOVE OVER, PNSexplosion...

Now there's something meatier! (Props to you, if you get the reference... you fossil, you.)

I have a new podcast obsession: The MoPod Show and they rock. The audio-quality leaves a little something to be desired, but what they lack in audio quality, they make up with content quality. These are some funny-@ss mos... but don't just take my word for it; you can check out the show, either via iTurds, or via their site. Either way, it is worth checking them out.

From Star Trick (perhaps the first, and only funny send-up of Star Trek ever made), to "radio dramas" like Touched By A Crackwhore, or just following the misadventures of Barbara Bush and her lesbian dolphin side-kick (yes, you read it correctly), these boys know how to tickle my funny-bone. Come to think of it, that's not the only bone they stimulate, but, uh... sorry, kids, but my baby sister reads my blog e'ryday, so I'll keep it PG-13'ish.

Tuesday, August 8

FULL FORCE... STEP TO 'EM

OK, so I'm getting around to posting my August music picks, really... but I can't post without paying tribute to the amazing Ms. Jasmine Guy. I saw her in Chicago, when it came to town a few years ago, and she rocked. And I loved her in Dead Like Me (if you haven't seen this amazing show, they're re-running it on Sci-Fi on Tuesday nights, before that let-down of a show, Eureka.)

But what I love, and remember her most for, is the single my high school drill team threw-down to back-in-the-day. (Music: its better than carbon dating, cuz you feel how old the person is, when you hear the music.) Oh, and she was great in that TV show, back in the '80s.

Think I'm kidding? Check out the cover of the single, produced by Full Force. Yes, I said Full Force, bitches! This isn't some bullsh!t I found on the net, either kids... I scanned it from the, (and I quote) Compact Disc Maxi-Single.

(Heh, heh, heh... maxi.)

Monday, August 7

MY TWO CENTS ON MELIBU COUNTY

OK, so there are plenty of interesting aspects of Mel Gibson's meltdown worth discussing... but what I found most interesting was the way the Catholic League came out (heh, heh) in defense of Mel, saying:

"Mel’s enemies will never cut him a break. Their real goal is to discredit ‘The Passion of the Christ,’ and that is why their propaganda machine is in full gear. Never mind that Mel has said that ‘Antisemitism is not only contrary to my personal beliefs, it is also contrary to the core message of my movie. How ironic it is to note that the core message of his film —forgiveness — is sorely lacking in his critics."

Uh, what? Y'all are some crazy-ass bitches, that's fo'sho! That crappy snuff film Smell Gibson made isn't the reason people are freaking out... they're freaking out cuz he's a world-class @sshole!

SPEAKING OF BITCHES...

Another guilty TV pleasure of mine (as you may know, from an earlier post) is watching the Food Network. But I've noticed a disturbing trend in the past year or so:

SKINNY BITCHES WITH COOKING SHOWS!

Uggh. I can't stand it! Not only are these knock-kneed, buck-toothed, vomit-after-every-meal, skinny-ass ho's dominating the airwaves, but they have the nerve to host shows featuring sweets, cookies, cakes, etc.

C'mon, people! When your elbows are the biggest part of your upper-body, your 'rexic @ss doesn't deserve a cooking show, let alone a show about sugar-sweets!

Puh-lease!

IF THEY THINK YOU'RE A BITCH...

I love watching "My Life On the D-List," re-runs of "The West Wing" and other programs on Bravo, from time to time. My only real complaint is over the way the run the same promos over and over... and over. When launching a new program, they run promo-spots so many times, I feel like I've seen the program, well before it airs. (Oh, and recently, they've been "re-purposing" loser-programs from their parent-station, NBC... which is lame. I mean, if I didn't watch, "America's Got Talent" when it was on NBC the first time, I'm certainly not going to watch it just because they run it on a channel I like!)

Anyway, the latest program (or, at least, one of the latest), is called, "Workout." The promo for this one really gets under my skin: it starts off with whats-her-tits, saying, "People think I'm a b!tch... but I'm not."

Now, there's something odd about this statement. If people think she's a bitch, and told her to her face, she'd say, "People say I'm a bitch." But she doesn't. She says, people think she's a bitch — which means people either say it behind her back, or they don't say it at all, and she's just projecting/reading-into the way people treat her.

Bottom line: you wouldn't even bring a subject like this up unless:

a) You're a bitch, and you're proud of it. b) You're a bitch, and you're not OK with it. c) You're just a bitch. Period.

I've only seen bits'n'scraps of the show, but I have a feeling it's "c," she's just a bitch. Period.

Friday, August 4

BIAS-ED A**HOLES, IF YOU ASK ME

OK, so I'm sorry to b!tch, but I just have to call somebody out their sh!t:

I've been using Bias, Inc.'s PEAK as my main music editing software for a few years now. I've upgraded (twice), and have always been 99% per cent happy with the product.

One small beef I have centers around the application's sudden inability to "remember" my user preferences. Yes, after using the app on a daily basis, it will — suddenly, and without warning — delete them. I called the company, and they said they knew about it, and were trying to figure out why it was happening, and that they'd have a "fix" for it in the future.

That fix? Version 5.0, at a cost of $179, no less! Now, I know that's not the chunk of change one would have to shell out to buy the software as a first time user, but still... it is a bit much, when you consider that the only reason I would be buying the upgrade is because the first version doesn't freakin' work! (Yes, the new version has other "advantages," but none so over-the-top that I feel the need to spend the money.)

But more importantly, I don't feel like I can trust Bias, Inc., anymore — I feel like they're just not cutting it, you know? This isn't like the time Icon Factory lied to me, sending me an email saying Xscope was going to cost one price, and then charging me more when the bill came. (Although that is high up there on the tard-metetr.) No, the f*cks, uh, I mean, folks over at Bias, Inc. are just plain ol' lazy. And I quote, " Why should we go back and fix a product, when our new version fixes the problem?"

Why? Why? I'll tell you why, you facist, son-of-a-motherless-goat! Because the product you made doesn't work! It was paid for, and it doesn't do what you said it would! Simple, really when you look at it from, oh... I don't know, the point of view of the customer. You know the customer... we're the people who keep you in business!

I'm torn: on the one hand, I've already invested so much in this software: not just money, but time and effort. On the other hand: well, let's just say the other hand feels like someone just sh!t all over it.