Saturday, December 31

OPEN YOUR MOUTH, GIVE YOU A TASTE…

So I came across an interesting post on one of the blogs in my bookmarks folder… I think it is just beyond cool when other people share their musical interests—it's kinda like finding out who they date, or what they like to eat.

My older sister used to dip her crinkle-cut fries in her chocolate milkshake whenever we went to Del Taco, a kick-ass California fast food joint. (Think, Taco Bell… only it won't give you the runs.) I don’t remember the first time she did it. I don’t even recall her mentioning how much she liked it, or ever attempting to make me try it. What I do remember is how pissed-off she was whenever I asked her about it—or worse, when I made fun of her for it. She just liked what she liked, and it wasn’t any of my business.

Whether or not I agree with someone else’s taste in music is always overshadowed by what an honor it is when they decide to share this information.

All of this might sound pretty trivial, in the abstract. But make no mistake about it this sorta thing can be incredibly personal. Nobody likes it when they’re ridiculed, so putting your thoughts and opinions out in the open is an act of bravery. And now, I have a bunch of new music to check out…

So go ‘head now, ‘spress yo’self!


Previous, music-related posts:

It's An Honor, Just To Be Nominated

Put Your Thing Down, Flip It and Reverse It

Ten Tunes Rockin' My World Right Now

Friday, December 30

CLAP FOR HIM, AUDIENCE*

*This is how each guest is introduced on this show.

So I've been meaning to mention how much I like Isaac Mizrahi's new talk show on the Style Network… no, really. It's a real hoot, and not just because he's a newbie. Oh, sure, he makes the occasional mistake, but so does Saint Oprah. OK, so her mistakes have more to do with hair, than forgetting names, or insulting guests… but we'll get to that.

What I love about this show is the honesty – and the format, too. Both are a refreshing, given today's media climate. At some point during each show, Isaac usually takes questions from the audience, dispensing fashion advice and even making a sketch for each person. He also has help from the so-fabulous-you-could-just-die Simon Doonan (on the left side of this picture), whom I adore. (He makes life seem like a fun, mod movie—achingly glamorous, but never taking things too seriously. If you haven't ever read his book, you're missing out!)

The show also features a live, in-house band, but not like the cheesy ones on Letterman or Leno. No, these guys hold it down, from the first downbeat, to the last credit. I actually wish they would play a little more, but that's just me. Isaac also has a little coffee shop of sorts, which is nice… I mean, fresh espresso for guests, and all. I just wish it wasn't staffed by a young, black man. There's something a little step-and-fetch about it. Maybe it's the way Isaac talks (down) to him, or maybe the boy isn't all that bright… can't say for sure.


One recent episode featured Teri Garr—this episode is a perfect example of how delicious this show can be. First off, we'll forgive Isaac for getting a little too excited, and calling her, "Hollywood Royalty." I'm not sure who I would consider worthy of the title, but I do think it is a little over-the-top to just throw those kinds of titles around. It's how Michael Jackson became the King of Pop… and MTV's Artist of the Decade. (There's no such award, by the way). Balancing out Isaac's hyperbolic overstep was his next move. See, he'd been off to the side of the main stage for a fabulous makeover segment, and when he came back… Teri was there, ready for her interview. But when he came back to sit down (and bark out an order for coffee), there was a new set piece. It was a simple, little vase with a single lily in it.

Isaac proceeded to immediately freak out.

Well, not freak out in a way that was intentionally meant to hurt anyone's feelings. He made quite a fuss about how much he didn’t like the vase, and demanded to know who had placed it on the stage, several times, until Teri finally confessed.
“Do you not like it?” she asked, the hurt already seeping into her eyes.
He took a moment to glance, nervously at the camera.
“Well… no,” he finally muttered.
With a quick, under-the-breath sort-of apology, Isaac quickly re-gifted the vase out into the audience. But that was OK, since one of his previous segments was all about re-gifting. It turned out to be a great interview, despite this first misstep, and in spite of the fact Isaac didn’t remember previously meeting Teri.

But the reason I love the show so much is simple: there are too many images (whether fictional characters, or “real” people) of catty, bitchy, screaming, evil queens in the media right now. Don’t get me started on Will & Grace and the amount of damage it’s actually doing. I find it so terribly refreshing, and rewarding to watch Isaac. He’s clever and witty, without being mean, just to get a laugh. He’s fashion-forward, but not overly obsessed with trends, and doesn’t promote the negative, dominant body culture. In a word, he’s fabulous.

Friday, December 23

ON THE OTHER HAND…

In my last entry, I think I came across as disliking Madonna. OK, not just disliking, but really hating. I don’t want it to sound as though I’m trying to jump on some backlash bandwagon. There seems to be a bit of Madonna-hating going on right now, although I don’t think it really rises to the level of “breaking news.”

There aren't really many people that I hate—Madonna isn't even close to being one of them.

No, I wouldn’t want to ever be seen as ripping on Madonna just for sh!ts and giggles. No, that would lump me in the same group as this tired, old, why-are-you-still-making-music relic of a queen. Hey, I may have my light-in-the-loafers moments, but this cheese-takes the cake. (And from the look of things, he eats that cake every chance he gets.)

THINGS THAT MAKE YOU GO HMM…

Read this post from the Mean Queens blog before diving into this entry.

OK, first of all, lemme say what an interesting / intelligent post this is. So many blogs fell victim to the Madge Media Machine, posting “official” photos, and composing epic poems celebrating her newest incarnation—kinda sad, really. I mean did she really need to come out with a wine?

I know her fan-base is getting older, but what’s next, an album with matching Depends? The collectible, limited edition Ensure bottles? At some point, we stop believing that a multi-millionaire, forty-something mother-of-two is still just a girl who grew up in working class Detroit who is just really in-tune with ghetto youth.

Don’t get me wrong, I love that woman—even went to see Who's That Girl in the theatres. When I first took an interest in Madonna (somewhere around the “Open Your Heart” video) my parents decided to start monitoring my music / TV interests. They watched the Ciao Italia concert tape with me. The year my sister—in defiance of our parents’ direct orders not to—gave me the “Justify My Love” VHS single, rather than punishing her, or yelling at us, we sat down as a family, and watched the video. Several times, in fact.

We then had to do de-construct / analyze the imagery, message, tone, technique… you know, your basic film-theory discussion. We also had to defend our interest in her work, debated her impact as an artist and explored the possible motives driving a shock-as-art performer. Oh, and got a brief overview of the role of pornography from our dad—a short lecture after none of us knew what he was referencing when he called the video a, “borderline nickelodeon snuff pic.” (Yeah, if you think I’m a bit odd, you should meet the people who raised me to think I wasn’t.)

My father also, on several occasions, said that the reason Madonna always used black and Latino back-up singers / dancers was to make herself look whiter. No, I would argue, she’s just more comfortable around them. She grew up in working class Detroit, moved to New York, and as a struggling dancer, lived in the black and Latino neighborhoods

I mean, why would someone want to appear so white, when being a darkie was starting to be so cool? Rap and Hip-Hop were blowing up in the mainstream media. Non-white actors were landing big-time, serious acting roles in film and TV and making money at it, too! So why would an artist who’s career success is based on introducing underground culture to the masses, became an icon because she’s such a trend setter, made millions upon millions by staying one step ahead of the mainstream tastes want to… oh.

Well, at least my dad never gloats when it turns out he was right.

Thursday, December 22

PUT YOUR THING DOW, FLIP IT AND…


THE TUNES I JUST CAN'T GET ENOUGH OF, December Edition
In no particular order:

Cool [Richard X Mix] by Gwen Stefani – A tasty lil’ blend of sugary-sweet vocals, with some fatty-boom-batty breaks, to keep your head knockin’

Self Control by Laura Branigin – Yes, it’s the one you’re thinking of, from the 1980s. Can’t beat those over-cooked lyrics and Casio beats

Hung Up by Madonna vs My Humps by the Black Eyed Peas – an interesting, and oddly addictive mash up

Sorry / Jump / Like It or Not, from Confessions on a Dance Floor by Madonna – a great album. If you don’t already own a copy, go out and get one

La Tortura [Shaketon or Tracy Young Remix] by Shakira – I don’t have a clue as to what she’s moaning about, but I love, love, love this song

Everything Burns, from The Fantastic Four soundtrack by Anastacia feat Ben Moody – I’ve loved Anastacia, from the first time I heard her voice. But this song only served to deepen my appreciation for her talent (as a singer, and as a song writer), and showcase just how far she’s come as an artist

Do You Want To by Franz Ferdinand – I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of listening to this one

Mr. Brightside [Jacques Lu Cont Thin White Duke Mix] by the Killers – The Grammy nod for this remix made me fall in love with it, all over again. Lu Cont is a skilled remixer, and outstanding producer / arranger, and anyone who doesn’t think he deserves that Grammy should listen to the killer job he did on Madonna’s Re-Invention Tour

On the Dark Side from the Eddie & The Cruisers soundtrack – not only was the guy in this film hot, but it was a great song.

Star Tar, from Dames At Sea (Original Cast Recording) by Bernadette Peters – OK, so this one makes me a major queen, but after a call from an old college pal, I flashed-back to the time when I was in this show. On the final chorus, our lead belted through the vocal gymnastics as written (a series of octave-slides, from the bottom of the basement, up to notes above the staff) while turning cartwheels. Oh, and she stopped at the top of each vocal run… to twirl batons. The director said it best: Totally taste-free

Wednesday, December 21

I KNOW WHERE I'M TAKING MY NEXT VACATION…

…in MANCOUNTRY. I know it may seem like I go on and on about COLT Studio, their projects and (of course) their men. But can you blame me? I mean, look at them!

On the cover, are Luke Garret and Gage Weston (thanks for the hook-up, Kris). It is from the publicity campaign for COLT's next big release: MAN COUNTRY. (A big release from them means a big release for me. Sorry, but it had to be said.) Luke and Gage, aside from both being former members of the US Armed Services, are real-life boyfriends.

If you've never seen one of John Rutherford's movies, first of all… what's wrong with you? Even if you're not gay, they're worth checking out, especially now that he's the head honcho at COLT. There are plenty of people in the adult industry—straight, bi or gay—who play the game well. But onlhandfulfull of people actually change the way the game is played and perceived; John Rutherford is one of those people, and you're only depriving yourself if you don't check his films out. You'll thank me for it later, trust me…

just send any thank-you notes to MAN COUNTRY.

Monday, December 19

VIA CON DIOS…

Over the weekend, it was announced that John Spencer (of The West Wing, among others) passed. I love The West Wing, for a number of reasons, but I don't think I truly appreciated what this fine actor brought to the show until this weekend—not just because he died, but because my younger sister and I watched the first three discs of Season Three of The West Wing. In a word: amazing.

He will be missed, and loved… always.

Saturday, December 17

IT'S A HONOR JUST TO BE NOMINATED

Once, again… it isn't like anybody asked my opinion, but why let that stop me? Here are a couple of my picks for the 2005 Grammy Awards:

Record Of The Year
Boulevard Of Broken Dreams, Green Day

Album Of The Year
Late Registration, Kanye West

Best Dance Recording
Galvanize, The Chemical Brothers featuring Q-Tip

Best Electronic/Dance Album
Human After All, Daft Punk

Best Remixed Recording, Non-Classical
Mr. Brightside (Jacques Lu Cont's Thin White Duke Mix) The Killers
Jacques Lu Cont, remixer


The recognition of these artists almost makes up for the insane number of nominations Mariah Cary got. Almost. Oh well… with or without The Retardation of Mimi, it turned out to be an OK year for the Grammys. I highly recommend any, or all, of these recordings. Enjoy!

Sunday, December 11

NOW SHE THINKS SHE CAN SING

I don’t throw the word hate around very often—it isn’t a very imaginative term, and as a concept, it isn’t really an emotion worth investing in. But that’s a posting for another time. Right now, I actually have something unworthy of the term: that freakin’ lame-ass excuse of a spokes-whore for Overstock.com.

Now, I’m not exactly sure if everyone will know what I’m talking about. (You could, for all I know, be like my cousin Julie, and TiVo everything—skipping right over the commercials.) But if you’ve ever seen one of those damn ads… then you know. And I mean, you know.

It isn’t just that she’s annoying. I mean she’s pretty enough, or whatever. And, unlike those retards in the Eastwood Insurance ads (or any local mattress store ads), she actually has an on-screen presence—a watchable quality, if you will.

But there’s something about her voice that’s a little unsettling. Somebody told me she was from Germany, so English isn’t her native tongue… but that’s no excuse. If you don’t have a firm grasp on a language—because of the phonics involved, or if you’re just not that bright—you should avoid a career in the spotlight. (That goes double for you, Celine Dion!) I’m not sure what it is about the Overstock.com lady, but her voice/mannerisms get under my skin. Oh I know, I know: don’t sweat the small stuff. But trust me, if I start sweating the big stuff, I’d end up with my head in the oven. (Aside to those who know: they deserve each other. And that’s all I’m gonna say about that one, so stop asking.)

I don’t know if you’ve seen Overstock’s latest ad on TV, but let me just fill you in: it blows, in a way that makes me wish for the apocalypse. I mean, it wasn’t enough for that smug, “I’m cashing in on the whole M.I.L.T.F. thing, even though I’m about as fetching as a day-old casserole” spokes-slut to peddle her tired, sorry-ass wares. No, she had to go and sing. SING, I SAY! All while walking around an all-white (ethnically and decoratively) snowy set.

Yes, she waddles around a set that looks like the town square from Gilmore girls after a nuclear winter, singing about all the crap you can get on her precious little site… to the tune of “Jingle Bells.” And when she gets to the refrain, she’s suddenly joined by a group of back-up singers comprised of Benetton ad rejects. ‘Cause, you know, that’s what us darkies do: we sit around (on our stoop, no less), waiting for some honky to come along, so we can sing back-up harmonies, and clap our hands. OK, we do clap when a good song comes on, but only so the crackers know which beat is the right one, but that’s understandable. Why didn’t they just show them eating watermelon, or tap-dancing?

Damn, I hate that *#%$, you know?

Friday, December 2

AND NOW, FOR ANOTHER MANHUNT POEM…

[Taken from a member profile on ManHunt—where, it turns out, the poetry is the only thing worth keeping.]

A Poem inspired by Shel Silverstein
By BoYnBrIeFsOrLeSs

Nobody f*cks me or blows.
Nobody pops my cherries & holes.
Nobody gives me kisses & hugs.
Nobody gets off to pics of me on bear skin rugs.
Nobody jumps my bones as I come home at nite
Nobody molests me when off goes da lite.
Nobody sleeps w/me or moans.
Nobody thinks I’m hot enough 2 bring in their homes.
So if U ask me who my boy is, I will tell U my boy Nobody is!
But last nite I had quite da orgasm, I awoke & Nobody just made me spasm.
I reached out 2 stop Nobody’s wrist! In da darkness on my dick, Nobody’s fist.
Then My body shook across my bed, & I saw Somebody there giving me head!
I moaned till I gasped & now w/dawn, There's no doubt about it—Nobody’s gone.

Previously

ManHunt Poem (June)

ManHunt Poem (May)

ManHunt Poem (September)

Tuesday, November 29

THE GODDAMN ROCK-SOLID GHETTO SHIZNIT NAME-GENERATOR

OK, so I posted this (a long time ago), but I think it might be time to break it out again. The upcoming holiday seasons can be a stressful time, so if you need a good laugh, check this out:

The Goddamn Rock-Solid Ghetto Shiznit Name-Generator

And if you're feeling brave, go ahead and post your name here, on my site. (I've turned off the sign-on protection, so you don't need a password to post.) I'll post mine at the end of the week.

So try it… mine was pretty funny.

Oh, I know, I know… you’re just so experienced—you’ve been everywhere (and I mean everywhere, you sick, horse-sex video watchers), seen it all and taken every last damn internet quiz and used every single name-generator… if you’re that jaded, then I’m suggesting you get a personality for Christmas, OK?

One love!

Monday, November 28

SURE, YOU'RE STRAIGHT…

OK, so I'm not usually into the whole gay-for-pay thing—I just don't buy it. I mean, everyone has the right (and the obligation, sometimes) to self-identify with the term that best suits them. I'm not going to deny anyone the right to call themselves straight, and then turn around and have gay butt sex.

Most of the online sex sites that feature original amateur content specialize in straight guys having gay sex—for the first time. Sean Cody is one of those sites (and one of the better ones, at that.) A couple of different sites regularly read had mentioned this new Sean Cody film, Bailey's Fuck Buddy, so I checked it out.

Hot. I mean, really hot. And not just cause they're a couple of greased-up beau-hunks who enjoy a good a banging (the oral lasted about, oh, all of 5 seconds, and then it was, anchors away!). No, what really, uh, blew me away, was how hard these two guys were trying to contain their enthusiasm. It seemed to take enormous amounts of restraint to keep the whole, straight-acting AberZombie thing going.

They both claim to be straight. OK, sure. One of them even says he has a, "serious girlfriend." But the, they mention that they're going to have sex with the same girl, later in the week (after a good ass-pounding, of course). Oh, and the girl making up the middle of this manwich is not his, "serious" girlfriend.

Now, again, I'm not saying they're gay. They can be whatever they want. Hell, they can call themselves watermelons for all I care. I'm just saying that I didn't really buy into it. I usually need some level chemistry between guys if I'm watching a skin-flick—which is why I usually avoid the whole gay-for-pay genre. (And most Eastern European stuff, too.) But these guys had real, barn-burning, wrist-chaffing sexual energy. There was something in their eyes that said they were really, really into this.

Again: I'm not saying they're gay. I didn't think they were gay during the whole naked work-out. And when they said they'd seen each other naked a few times, "in the shower" (at the gym, of course!), I still didn't think they were gay. No, that wasn't it. And I didn't start thinking they were 'mos when they kissed, gave each other spankings, or when Bailey called the other guy, "bitch," over and over again… I didn't think it when they got visibly excited (a little too excited, if you ask me), when the off-screen voice told them he'd brought a ton of toys for them to play with. ("We love toys," they both giggled, before expertly ramming dildos of various shapes and sizes up their holes.)

No, the moment I stopped believing they were straight was when Bailey told his "gym" partner to suck his, testicles. Testicles. I mean, I'm a big ol' mo—I flame like a charcoal briquette, and even I say balls.

Sheesh.

Saturday, November 19

GOODBYE, AARON… I'LL MISS YOU

After 40 years, a Los Angeles landmark is closing its doors forever. Aaron's records, located on Highland Blvd., in the heart of Hollywood will be missed.

JUST HAPPY TO BE THERE

I'm not sure when this picture was taken—I think sometime in early 1978, I'll have to check with the parents on that.

That's my older sister (Laura) on the left, my baby sister (Marisa) in the middle, and that dork with the gap-toothed smile is me!

Friday, November 18

OK, NOW I'M GONNA HAVE TO GET A NEW iPOD

It was only a matter of time, I guess… the iPod revolution continues, as companies like COLT studios and Hot House announced plans to roll out their content in pod-friendly format.

Well, at least now I'll be able to take Jason Kingsley with me wherever I want. (Hey, I can dream, can't I?)

Monday, November 14

A MAN FOR ALL SEASONS

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Saturday, November 12

YOU GOTTA HAVE FRIENDS, Part 3

What can I say about MM2x4? (That's Matty, Matty, 2-by-4, to the rest of you.) We've known each other for the past six years or so, and he's one of the few people in my life who has been there for me, no matter what—like family.

Matt, and his amazing partner, Rick, have been there through all the ups and downs I've seen in my life:

When I wanna go out, grab a drink, dance all night or just catch a flick, they're always good company.
When work, life and love kicked my ass, they were there with a friendly hug and a word of advice… all without ever making me feel like I was being judged.

The last year of my life hasn't really been a picnic, and while I never doubted Matt's devotion, loyalty or love as a friend, I have to admit: I don't know where I'd be without him. He was there, every step of the way, offering a helping hand, a shoulder to cry on, willing to laugh at my stupid jokes.

Any time I feel overwhelmed by life, I just think about what a good friend Matt is, and keep working—working towards becoming the kind of person he treats me like.

Previously:
You Gotta Have Friends, Part 2 (click here)
You Gotta Have Friends, Part 1 (click here)

JESUS RAVES!

A day-party, back in 1999, in what used to be the Venice graffiti pit. Those were the days…

Monday, November 7

IT'S EASY… JUST THE WAY YOU LIKE IT!

If you scroll down a bit, you'll see a new post detailing the many ways to check out the Feast Of Fools podcast... but for any of you blessed/cursed with a short attention-span, the host of the show has provided a screen-shot of where to look on the iTunes store. (Thanks, Fausto!)

Now, go get your Feast of Fools freak on! And tell 'em I sent ya!

Sunday, November 6

TEN TUNES ROCKIN' MY WORLD RIGHT NOW

Not that anyone's asked in a long, long time, but here are the songs on heavy-rotation right now: (in no particular order)

Right Now by John Cena - The Champ. 'Nuff said.

Hung Up by Madonna - I wanted to hate this one, I really did... but c'mon, it samples ABBA!

House Is Not a Home
[Moran Mixshow] Deborah Cox - damn, girl! What's gonna happen to your recording career if you ever find a man to treat you right? You'd have nothing left to sing about, now would you?

Allegro vivace
from John Rutter's Gloria - Et intera pax hominibus bonae voluntatis, indeed. *

Flashlight
by George Clinton et al. - Hey, man... smell my finger.

We Belong Together
[Peter Rauhofer Reconstruction Mix] by Mariah "You So Crazy" Carey - another kickin' mix from Rauhofer, but I know I have a copy of ho's "All I Want For Christmas" somewhere...

Holiday by Green Day - if you haven't checked out the last Green Day album, they you obviously live in a red state (of denial).

Hole In My Heart (All The Way To China)
by Cyndi Lauper - this little number has been my mid-day pick-me-up. Not because it's particularly upbeat or anything... the lyrics conjure up some intense, yet life-affirming images and emotions.

Left Outside Alone
[Jason Nevins Global Club Mix] by Anastacia - cause I was. And because I know some people who should be.

Flagpole Sittah
by Harvey Danger - been around the world, and found that only stupid people are breeding.

I'd Die Without You
by P.M. Dawn - that opening piano lick is divine. No, inspired.

And what are YOU listening to, speaker bunnies? Drop me a line, or post it here!

* If you know what this means... then you know what it means.

TEMPT MY TUMMY WITH THE TASTE OF NUTS 'N' HONEY


Our Logo 2005
Originally uploaded by feastoffools.
OK, people... listen up: if you've never listened to a podcast, get with the times. If you don't own an iPod, or similar digital player, that's OK—you don't need one!

There are several ways of sampling a podcast:

1. Go to the iTunes music store-front, and select the 'podcasts' section. RIGHT NOW, THEY'RE MAKING THIS SUPER-EASY, TARD-PROOF: On the main podcast page, down at the bottom (under comedy), you can click on a direct link to the show. You can download a single episode to your computer for free! Like what you hear? Hit the subscribe button, and you're all set!

Once you've loaded the podcast into iTunes, you can move it to an iPod, if you want your funny on-the-go.

Not a Mac-type? That's OK. I love you anyway, and still want you to dine at the Feast of Fools.

2. You can go to the Feast of Fools site, and stream an episode via your internet browser.

3. You can also check out the new podcast service from Yahoo! (I mean, this is from the people at Yahoo! — it doesn't come any more tard-proof than this!

And after all that, if you're not a fan of FEAST OF FOOLS... well, then f*$#% you, who needs you!

Uh, I mean... there are plenty of other shows out there to explore.

[NOTE: Only Matt and Rick are excused from this ASSignment. Good luck with the new digs, guys. Shabba, shabba - shabba, forever.]

Monday, October 31

TRICK AND/OR TREAT!


Well, Hello There, Ladies!
Originally uploaded by Wanda Wisdom.
HAPPY HALLOWEEN, everybody! Check out Wanda Wisdom's get-up! This just proves that you're never too old to enjoy the holidays.

I'm going trick-or-treating with my cousins' kid tonight... He's two years old, and even though he picked out his little bear costume on his own, for some reason, he's been telling people he's going to be a giraffe... (And yes, he understands the difference-he's an animal enthusiast). Hey, I'm not gonna argue with him.

IT DRIVES ME CRAZY

Now, I'm not going to pretend my car is my prize possession, pride and joy, or anything more than what it is: my car. Living in SoCal, as I do, having a car is important. Expensive at times, but important.

My car isn't a status symbol, like an S.U.V., classic car or luxury automobile. And it isn't a social statement, like those hybrid things.

I like my ride just fine, but I'm not obsessed with it -- a little ding in the door after my trip to the mall? No sweat.

I wash it regularly, change the oil every 3 months and make sure to fill 'er up with gas before I hit the 1/4 tank level. I even carry window cleaner and paper towels in the trunk, so I'll always have a clear view of the road (safety first, after all).

But I never realized how attached I was until last week... when some jerk-offs tried to steal it. The police say it was one of five cars in my area that were broken into. They tried to jack my stereo, but only ended up breaking it. My heart sank, as I looked at my poor, violated dashboard. And then, something caught my eye: the ignition core was missing. Gone.

I won't launch into how much this sucks, or how lame my insurance provider is acting. I won't complain about how long it is taking to fix, or how much it is going to cost. (Cause I just have all this extra cash to go out and get me a new car, y'know!) I'm not going to bitch the luck I've been having this year, and you won't see me feeling sorry for myself, not even for a minute.

"See, the luck I've had, can make a good man turn bad..."

But I have to write about something...

Sunday, October 30

PULL UP TO THE BUMPER, BABY...

If you've never seen former Falcon exclusive Brad Patton in action, then you're really missing out. It means you haven't seen his amazing, tanned and toned body glisten, getting wetter with each pump of his solid, tree-trunk-sized cock... and it means you haven't seen the pair of perfectly sculpted legs leading up to an ass that defies description. If I could sit down with God and have him design me the perfect ass, this would be it.

Check out his site, or catch him in his next flick, Beyond Perfect, from BuckshotDVD

Are you, like, totally gay? Want more hot, funny porno goodness? See also:

FAINT, FOND & FUNNY ECHOES

BOYS & THEIR TOYS

Friday, October 28

HOLA SENORITA COSA


Miss Ronnie Returns
Originally uploaded by feastoffools.
Raw, real and anything but ordinary,
Miss Ronnie recently joined the crew over at my favorite podcast, the Feast of Fools. The first time she was a guest on the show, her natural heat and flava had me laughing out loud, and talkin' back, like I was watchin' Soul Food at the Magic Johnson Theatres... I was clappin' and stompin' -- hootin' and hollerin' with each and every bit of wit/wisdom explodin' out of her big, luscious mouth.

She isn't afraid of speakin' her mind (and what a mind, at that), but don't let the snark 'n' sass scare you away: at the heart of each rant/sermon/serving is real love.

If you haven't already joined the FEAST OF FOOLS podcast:
1. Go to the Feast of Fools site.
2. Subscribe/sample the show, via the iTunes Music Store.
3. Subscribe/sample the show via Yahoo! and get in on the good stuff!

see also:

I KNOW A DRAG QUEEN NAMED WANDA…

PATRICK & NOAH EXPLAIN IT ALL…

Monday, October 10

BUCKLE UP, MY DEAR...

It's been a bumpy ride, so far...

OK, so I know its only October (and early October at that), but I heard something the other night that got me thinking about the past year. It was on the finale for, "The Sureal Life," on VH1. Although I gave up watching the show after Janice's second break-down (within the same episode), I found myself watching the last show. P!nk's boyfriend--whatever the hell his name is--sounds like he had a year much like mine: the kind that almost (literally) kills you.

A while back, I had started thinking, 'If that which doesn't kill me makes me stronger, can I just die now? I don't want to get any stronger.'

I know, I know... some pretty stinkin' thinkin' on my part.

I'm not gonna lie, sugar-coat or complain about the events of 2005. They are what they are, and I just can't... no, make that won't spend/waste any more of my time thinking about it. I've gone over every event, each day, in the hopes of finding-well, anything.

Wisdom. Maturity. Hope. A lesson. A laugh. A direction. A reason to go on... I looked for the wisdom and wonder in every aspect of my life, and found nothing. And no, I'm not being a drama queen, I really didn't get ANYTHING I can take with me into next year.

Or so I thought.

When things were at their worst for P!nk's boyfriend, he adopted this simple outlook: If I wake up, first of next year, and I still have a pulse, I have something to live for--so I'm gonna take control of my life...

Funny thing about him... his career of choice is off-road motorbike racing. His path is (literally) bumpy, from start to finish.

Monday, October 3

THE ROOF, THE ROOF, THE ROOF IS ON FIRE...

OK, so I've been getting email asking to see a photo of the fire, full-force... that I didn't take of the wire. But I don't have an personal photos from this last firestorm, only the one that rolled through last time.

This was taken up the block from where I live, and has NOT been messed with in Photoshop, or anything tricky-like.

Sunday, October 2

CITY ON FIRE! Part 1

This should give you an idea of how close the fire was, when it started. What you can't see in this picture, is the "Biggest Loser" house, at the foothills... somehow, every inch of land around it was destroyed, but that ONE patch made it through. That's OK, though. (I'll explain why some other time.)

Oh, and YES... I'm fine.

CITY ON FIRE! Part 2

You know, it seems like this same exact fire happens, in the same spot, every year... you'd think we'd be able to do something about that! These fires have become so frequent, that this last time, only two people called to see if I was OK. The rest, it seems, all assumed a big ol' flamer like me would make it through.

On a more serious note, my heartfelt thanks go out to all the fire departments helping to battle this blaze.

CITY ON FIRE! Part 3

Sorry I haven't been posting much in the past few days... but the hills all around where I live are on fire.

Monday, September 26

THE MANHUNT MACHINE


THE MANHUNT MACHINE
By BoYnBrIeFsOrLeSs

The Manhunt Machine,
O The Manhunt Machine,
The most sexed up contraption that's ever been seen.
Just put in yer stats
and pay the fee,
Click the search button
and hot boys you'll see.
You can search 4 hot boys who are nice n not dumb,
But by adding this in,
they'll only be
as hung as yer thumb.
My thumb? That's dumb, Though it's not perfect -
On second thought, I'll just jack myself numb.

Sunday, September 25

DIFFERENT STROKES 4 DIFFERENT FOLKS

When Kris Weston first gave me a peek at Chris Wide’s photos from Muscle Up, I knew he had to go on the cover of MEN magazine. We’d spent months re-working every page of the magazine (hey, after 20 years, it needed it), and Chris was everything we’d been after in a cover-man: a big, sexy man, who hadn’t plucked, tweezed or shaved every inch of his body. But (as always), there were a few complications:

First off, Chris lives in Germany, and doesn’t speak much English. I lucked out, in that Chris was in San Francisco around the time we went into production on the issue, and Manfred Speer (a former COLT Man himself) offered to translate. I wrote a first draft of the interview, and my managing editor, L.A. Wexton, and I spent several hours trying to present the text in a manner that would make for easy translating (i.e. getting rid of colloquialisms, checking sentence structure and whatnot).

The other problem was that the editor of Unzipped Magazine had already ‘claimed’ him as a cover-model. I’d clashed with this guy—over cover models, content and just about everything else—in the past, and had managed to hold my ground a number of times. My boss told me he’d handle it, and to his credit, he did. (I think we ran the cover a month too soon—a sentiment the publisher agreed with—but I was happy to have my cover guy without any of the drama, so I kept my trap shut.)

Now, the Unzipped dude was pissed, and I mean PISSED. (Not that this was anything new.) The office was often a buzz over his daily, high-decibel, expletive-filled tantrum, so I guess I didn’t catch the fit he had over this change in covers. Allegedly, or from what I can gather, he, “went outside, swung a dead cat,” and found a last-minute replacement that was, “even hotter.” Both covers hit around the same time, and (this I got from the horse’s mouth) his, “hot guy standing by the pool in a Speedo,” was hotter than mine. Even his own art director agreed (well out of earshot), that there was no comparison: Chris was, and still is the hotter of the two.

To my surprise and satisfaction, Chris turned out to be a GREAT interview—smart, sexy and funny: When asked if he was approached by other porn companies, in his native Germany, he said yes. When asked why he picked COLT, he said it was because of the prestige and history surrounding COLT. In his own words: “Why settle for a Volkswagen when you could have a Mercedes?”

The issue was rounded out with an incredible layout/interview with Falcon exclusive Dean Monroe, new models from Body Image and Satori Studios, as well as a hot, semi-nude shot of ‘Amazing Race” winner, Reichen (I’ll post THAT story some other time) and closed with an amazing personal essay by Falcon exclusive Josh Weston. Looking back, I’d have to say that was the hottest issue of MEN I put together during my time as editor. I’m very proud of it.

COLT Man Exclusive Chris Wide’s new movie, Wide Strokes is available from the COLT web site.

For a couple of bonus pictures of Chris (semi-safe for work), click here.

Wednesday, September 7

THIS CONCLUDES THE COUNTDOWN

OK, so today marks the end of my little experiment
with the counter (and other stats). I'm surprised at the amount of traffic (more than I though, given the lack of comments), but then, a little sad that I don't have MORE traffic.

There's just no pleasing some people, huh?

Tuesday, September 6

GIVE YOU SOME OF THIS ON A BUN…

Music plays a significant role in my day-to-day life—from the song playing while I’m in the shower, to the one blasting from my car stereo as I make that last turn on to the street where I live—it’s almost as if my life has a soundtrack. If I were to compile the Official Soundtrack for the month of August, 2005, it would include the following:

Bad, Bad Man - John Cena feat Bumby Knuckles

Boulevard of Broken Dreams - Green Day

Flashdance Against the Music
[White Label] Deep Dish vs Britney Spears feat Madonna

I Think It’s Gonna Rain Today
- Mama Cass Elliott

Love On My Mind
[Main Club Mix] The Freemasons

Oh
[Bimbo Jones Vocal Club Mix] Ciara feat Ludacris

One Eye Shut
[Robbie Rivera Vocal Club Mix] 68 Beats

One Night In Bangkok
[Extended Version] from ‘Chess’

Panic
- The Smiths

Saint of Me
[Deep Dish White Label Mix] The Rolling Stones

Since U Been Gone
[Jason Nevins Reprise] Kelly Clarkson

Somebody Told Me
[Album Version / Josh Harris Mix] The Killers

Touch Me
- The Doors

Turn The Party Out
- Biz Markie

Sunday, September 4

THAT'S ONE... ONE PHOTO!

OK, so... just for fun, over the past three weeks, I put a one of those little counter-things on my sorry little blog. And I was kind of surprised to see the number approaching 300.

Surprised because if 100 people or so read this thing every week, why isn't ANYONE leaving comments? Oh, sure... I've had a couple of them, here and there. And there was that ONE evil comment. (And YES, I know who you are. I'm gonna be the grown-up here, and leave you alone. This time.)

Most of the feedback I get is sent, by friends, to my personal email. Kris said it was, "very funny stuff." Corey called me 'creative' and linked me on his site. (Links for Kris and Corey are located just below my profile.) And of course, there's my favorite comment, from my older sister: "It has a lot of words."
So stay a while--read an older post from the archives, link to me, post a comment, or just send me an email with dirty jokes or pictures.

JUST DON'T BE A STRANGER ANY MORE.

FAINT, FOND AND FUNNY ECHOES

A writer I used to work with (for both MEN and FRESHMEN) sent this to me recently, and I thought I’d share it. On the back page of FRESHMEN, is a monthly list – kind of like Letterman’s list, but dirtier and much gayer. OK, just dirtier.
It was a pain in the butt, coming up with the list each month, but this writer often had the last-minute ideas that saved the day, and inspired the art guys to come up with a great, final page.
I guess this would be my last, last page…

The Top Ten Wishes of Every Gay Man
10 Liza wouldn’ lisp!
9 Matthew Rush isn't bloated.
8 That aging, white sugar daddy you've got in Miami is really a hot, gorgeous Latin Papi out in West Hollywood.
7 After a more careful examination of your birth certificate, you discover you're actually as young as you’ve been telling people you are.
6 Every guy you meet on Manhunt actually looks like his photos, and really IS packing all eight inches advertised in his profile.
5 You've discovered—and exclusively own—the gene to endlessly, madlessly clone TV reality hottie Reichen!
4 You are employed full-time as Jude law's live-in, round-the-clock Nanny, mkaaay?
3 The Indian in the Village People looks just as hot as he did in 1979, not as he really looks in 2005...
2 The last two Presidential elections were just really, really bad dreams. (Or really great jokes.)
1 Juan Garcia was still editor of MEN and FRESHMEN magazines.

Saturday, August 27

IF YOU DON'T STAND FOR SOMETHING...

You'll fall for anything, including another war
we don't need to be fighting.

If you haven't already posted this link on your site/blog/podcast -- first, call you mother (God willing) and thank her for the gift of life. Tell her you love her.

Then, go put this image on your site an link to:
http://www.meetwithcindy.org/

And if you're in support of the war, know this:

1. I support our troops -- so much so, that I oppose putting them in harm's way for NO GOOD REASON.
2. There is NO CONNECTION between Iraq and the horrible events of September 11th.
3. No, protesting the war DOES NOT help terrorists “win” in any way. We’re not over there fighting ‘terror’ by any stretch of the imagination.
4. If we’re so interested in spreading democracy (small letter ‘d’ on this one, W), why haven’t we imposed regime change on Cuba, China, North Korea or right here in America? (Think you’re living in a democracy? Look it up: one vote equals one vote in a democracy, and setting all the baloney from the last two elections aside, at best, we live in a republic. It’s in the damn pledge, people… “and to the republic, for which it stands…” Think about it.)

and finally…

5. If it was YOUR brother, cousin, sister, son, daughter, boyfriend, whatever… you might see things in a different way.

God bless (and guide) our country in this, its greatest time of need.

I STAND WITH YOU, CINDY. GIVE 'EM HELL!


Friday, August 19

I KNOW A DRAG QUEEN NAMED WANDA...


Love Is All Around!
Originally uploaded by Wanda Wisdom.
If you haven't checked out this whole podcast phenomenon (on the internets and the iTunes store), then get yer @ss over to Lucky Bitch Radio, and give a listen to my favorite Drag Queen, Wanda (sorry Mr. Dan and Mama, it's been a while since we've hung out).

No matter what's going on in my day-to-day life (although the last seven months have been a miserable @#$%* of a time), Wanda and her fabulous podcast always make me feel better. Whether she's delving deep into philosophy, metaphysics (yes, from a drag queen), or just being a big ol' retard and making me laugh, I'm a luckier bitch with Wanda Wisdom in my life.

So go on over to http://www.luckybitchradio.com or lookup Lucky Bitch Radio on the iTunes store -- you'll be glad you did!

Friday, August 12

S'ALL GOOD

I just opened a letter from BofA saying they've decided my temporary credit is now a permanent one... meaning they've found in my favor.

Funny thing, though... the @sshole(s) who stole from my account didn't use BofA ATMs, so I was charged a fee for every time they stole from me -- fees BofA has yet to credit my account for.

It's always SOMETHING, isn't it?

Monday, August 1

HIGHER STANDERS, FROM (OBVIOUSLY) HIGH EMPLOYESS



OK, so I’m not looking to bitch...

And I should know better, with Mercury in retrograde, but...

About a month ago, I sat down (as I often do) to pay my bills using my bank’s online bill-pay service. While I was going over my account activity, I noticed a number of ATM fees charged to the account. Odd, to say the least, but I don’t always notice things like this until the end of the month anyway, so I moved on. It wasn’t until I looked at my checking account balance that I noticed something was wrong—very wrong.
Over the course of the previous 48 hours, $1,100 vanished from my account. Looking the statement over, I found out someone had used an ATM card to make withdrawals at several ATM machines throughout the Los Angeles area.
In a panic, I called my bank.
Now, maybe you’ve seen the commercials on TV for my bank; the ones where they go on and on about protecting their customers from fraud, and whatnot. And maybe you haven’t. Let’s just say the response I got left me feeling a little less than enthusiastic my bank-a bank I’ve been using for the past 21 years, mind you!
I was eventually transferred to the customer fraud department (after several disconnects, and a transfer to the automated self-help line), where a representative explained what I had to do to clear the matter up. (Which is a good thing, considering I had a number of bills due.) Now, I’m not faulting this particular bank employee for doing their job in the manner they see fit, but you thing the first THREE times we had this little exchange would have been enough:

BofA “Are you in possession of the card now?”
ME “Yes.”
BofA “Are there any other cards on this account?
ME “No.”
BofA “Have you given anyone your card to use, or your PIN to use?”
ME “No, never.”
BofA “No one else knows your PIN or has had access to this card other than you?”
ME “That’s correct.”

She informed me that I must be mistaken, because according to the computer, someone had taken the cash out using my PIN, and was I sure I wasn’t the one who had taken the money out, and had just forgotten about it?
She then proceeded to explain they had seen a number of cases where a thief waiting until after a customer had used an ATM or point-of-purchase terminal (like the ones at gas stations), and then used a special device to swipe the station, obtaining card information and PINs. We reviewed the transaction on my card for the previous two weeks, and found only ONE possible case where this could have happened. But where I used the card, and where the fraud had taken place were a good 50 miles (and seven days) apart. That’s a long time for a criminal to wait, only to steal a chunk of change right before I had to pay my bills. How did they know it was bill-time, anyway? It wasn’t the end of the month (I was trying to get an early jump) and it was such a long way to drive, following me from one county to the next.
While I was waiting for the bank representative to begin processing my claim, I remembered my father mentioning an article in the paper mentioning a lap top computer stolen from my bank, containing sensitive customer information. I mentioned this, in passing, to the lady on the phone.
“Sir, that didn’t have anything to do with this, I assure you. That didn’t even happen in California.”

Uh, OK.

The bank representative ordered me a new ATM card, put the old one on hold and sent out an affadafit for me to sign. She mentioned that my account would be credited in a few days, and that I might want to file a police report.
Now, if you subscribe to the bank’s theory, the crime took place in Ventura County, where I purchased the gas, and the card information was stolen. If you look at the situation with a slightly more skeptic set of eyes, you’d see the crime as taking place in Los Angeles County, where the money was withdrawn. So, I asked her where to file.
“Los Angeles County, no doubt about it.”

That weekend, I noticed MORE fraudulent activity. It seems the person with my information had deposited money, and then made a large withdrawal.
“It’s called ‘washing the account’ and it’s quite common in cases like yours,” the bank employee on the phone assured me.
It has a name? The practice is so common, that it actually HAS A NAME? Forgive me if my confidence in my bank is a little less-than sky-high.
Like a total moron, I also pointed out an additional deposit the thieves made, before the account had (finally) been shut off. It wasn’t my money, and at that point, I figured I didn’t need the bad karma.
The lady on the phone told me that a new affidavit would arrive, and that I should sign it, and send it back right away. I asked her which county I should file in, mentioning the previous representative’s answer. (Los Angeles.)
“Oh, no sir,” she dryly remarked, “that information is absolutely incorrect, you should file in the county you live in, since that’s the address on the checks.”
Hmm.

The following Monday, I went back online, expecting to use my credit to pay my bills. But the web site said it didn’t have any record of my account.
So... I called the customer help line. The informed me I shouldn’t have been sent a new card, and that the first thing I was supposed to do was go to my home branch and change my PIN.
So... I went to my local bank branch, where I was informed that a new hold had been placed on my account. And that I should have asked for a new card, and set a new PIN on the phone prior to coming into the branch. (Uh, what?) The branch manager authorized a new card number (which she read to me, loud enough for every customer in the bank lobby to hear), changed my PIN and got my online account back up and running again.
Problem solved, right?


OK, so this story has been dragging on long enough, so I’ll just sum it up by saying that on seven separate occasions, my (new) ATM card has been declined or rejected by machines, for now apparent reason.
When I called into customer support (when they were open, thanks for the “round the clock support,” guys), each time they told me they couldn’t see a reason why the card was blocked, and suggested I try it again. And each time, the card was rejected, until one representative was nice enough to stay on the phone with me, while I tried to use the ATM, checking things on her end, each step of the way. (Which was nice, considering it was 11:45 pm; I was over 50 miles from home, with a quarter-tank of gas and $4 in my pocket.) I couldn’t take money out in the amount I wanted, but had to break it up, into smaller denominations in order to use my new card.
Oh, and that little incident put ANOTHER hold on the card. . .

YOU GOTTA HAVE FRIENDS! Part 2

Josiah “Jay” Fisher and I have been friends for the past 6 years or so. No, not just friends - there’s something special between us. (And no, not THAT, dirt bag.) We have plenty of cute ’n’ sassy sayings, like, “my sister from another mister,” or more down to earth expressions, like, “kindred spirits.” But nothing has really every accurately summed up our friendship.

We met when my side of the "family" starting dating his then boyfriend’s side of the family. For a number of reasons (most not worth mentioning) he received a rather cold reception, from both social groups, no matter how many times he came out with us.

Remembering how hard it was the first time I stepped out with this particular faggle (a large group of gay men), I made it a point to talk to him and make him feel welcome. The relationship with his boyfriend (and the snotty friends) went down in flames, uh, I mean... ended.

With time, the faggle went its separate ways. Josiah moved back to San Diego, where he grew up, and moved on with his life. But somehow, we remained tight. And grew closer over time.

We’ve never had a single fight. (No, seriously.)

We’ve never had to say, “I’m sorry.” (But only because we’ve gotten in the habit of calling each other on our sh!t, before it gets to that point.)

No matter how much time passes, I can always count on him. We, “know what time it is” with each other, no matter what. Just looking in each other’s eyes is an exercise in honesty. When asked why he thinks we’re so close, he points to the 20-plus hours we spent driving from Los Angeles to Park City, Utah (and back) together, shortly after meeting. That drive back was the make-or-break moment for us. And even then, we didn’t have to discuss it. We both just. . . knew.

For bonus pictures of Josiah, click here.

Previously:
You Gotta Have Friends, Part 1 (click here)

Saturday, July 23

YOU GOTTA HAVE FRIENDS Part 1

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Sunday, July 17

PROUD OF WHAT, EXACTLY?

So... uh, I didn't attend any pride events this year. (San Diego may still happen - when IS that, anyway?) The funny thing about it is I don't feel like any less of a queer / gay / homo / whatever man. I don't have a decreased sense of community (that already happened), and I don't really feel like I missed much.

Well, except for good tunes, good friends and good times. This photo was taken at Christopher Street West, a.k.a. West Hollywood Pride.

Sigh...