Tuesday, February 28

MAKE A RUN FOR...

The border? The toilet?

Jenny Whatshername, of Singled Out and Basketball fame, in her first autobiography discloses her love/hate relationship with Taco Bell. She loves the salty, sweet'n'nasty taste of cheap, mass-produced, but thanks to IBS, she has to run to the w/c as soon as the meal is done. I guess you could say she runs because she has the runs, but... well, I'm a little off the point. (There are several things about the first sentence of this paragraph that should scare and/or alarm you:

1. She wrote more than one book.
2. She wrote an autobiography (and got it published) when she was still in her mid- to-late 20s.
3. I actually read the damn book.

OK, go get a napkin so you can wipe-up whatever beverage you just spilled, or the tears running down your face because you're laughing at me now. But in all honesty, it was a good book, with a surprisingly positive message about body-image (she tells, in great deatil, the horror story that was her first boob job). I don't really understand what all the fuss was about, back when she was on Singled Out.

[For you youngsters out there who are scratching your head and wondering what I'm talking about: Singled Out was a horrid, mass-moron dating show on MTV, back in the days when they played music videos. I know, it's hard to imagine, the MUSIC television channel, actually playing MUSIC videos, but there was a time when they did... and then, slowly, so no one noticed, the began replacing the music with 'original programs' like... Singled Out. Our dear Jenny with the IBS was the 'co-host' of this show. Oh, just frackin' Google it, OK?]

While I never understood the reason everyone was so ga-ga over her (she openly enjoyed public activities no girl ever showed on TV before, like picking her nose and farting), one day I found myself sitting in my friend's living room, waiting for the rest of our faggle to show up for a night of fun... and there, was her book. (I read the whole thing in one sitting, before the first pitcher or Mai Tai got passed around, as it was mostly big, gross drawings.) I read the whole thing, and I enjoyed it.

Yeah, I liked it--enough to remember it to this very day. But reading her book is similar to my love affair with the Taco Bell Crunchwrap Supreme: I wouldn't want anyone to know I enjoy it as much as I do.

Friday, February 17

THERE'S A PRIZE IN THIS BOX…

…but it isn't anything like the one's you'd find the bottom of a box of Cracker-Jacks.

OK, this is my last post about gay porn for a while, I swear. I just couldn't pass up posting pictures of a couple of the new COLT products—mostly because the guy on the box makes me bonkers… and I'm not usually into blond guys, either. Actually, if you've seen the trailer for Big Rig, then you've caught a peek of Brian Hansen and Christian Alvarez, who are more my style. (That Brian has the most incredible smile, no?) I'm not all that boy-crazy, I swear.

But I must admit I'd buy just about anything with a cute guy on the box. And if he's hot (like Brad is), lookout, cause you know what you'll be getting from me on your next birthday!

KEEP ON TRUCKIN'


Well, the guys over at Buckshot have really outdone themselves this time... I'm talking about their new flick, Big Rig, of course. I'm excited to see this one, and sure it will deliver--and I've only seen the trailer! Buckshot set itself apart from the pack with the award-winning BuckleRoos last year, and everyone else has pretty much been playing catch-up ever since.

But don't take my word for it, check out the trailer:

Big Rig (Buckshot DVD)

and enjoy!

Thursday, February 16

10-4 GOOD BUDDY…

OK, so that's all the CB-radio lingo I know, but it seemed appropriate.

It's been a while since I was excited about the release of an adult title. (Yes, that's a shotgun in my pocket, but I'm still happy to see you!) Buckshot Productions, the guys whom brung you my favorite film, BucklerRoos (Parts 1, 2 and 3), and Beyond Perfect are gearing up for the roll-out of their latest masturbatory masterpiece, Big Rig.

I'm pretty jazzed about this, for a number of reasons (Brad Patton being one of them, but more on that later). I'm so excited to see this one, that I actually took the time out of my lunch today to make this mock-up of what the DVD box will look like. (Apologies to Kristofer and the rest of the mens up in the bay, but I just had to.)

Fine, I'm a nerd. But I'm a porn nerd, so that makes it OK.


P.S. I know there's some witty play-on-words with the whole Buckshot - bird shot, Dick Cheney - dick (as in pen!s) thing, but the more this VP scandal drags on, the less amusing it seems to be.

Tuesday, February 14

WHAT WOULD CJ DO?

I think you’d agree, life ain’t easy… right? There really aren’t any situations in which there’s always a clear right, and a clear wrong. No, life operates in shades of grey—a beautiful (if one can use such a word to describe grey) spectrum of complexity, challenge and sublime irony. There are many, equally valuable, equally important schools of thought when it comes to how to best navigate life’s trials. The most common approach, it would seem, is based in religion or spiritual doctrine and / or dogma.

Remember those WWJD bracelets that were so big, a while back? You do? (Dork! You’ve most likely traded it in for one of lose Lance Armstrong, yellow rubber things you wear around your wrist. Funny, doesn’t that have something to do with testicles? I mean, I love my balls as much as the next man / dog, but c’mon… uh, wait. What was I talking about? Oh yeah.) It’s funny—well, not ha-ha funny—to see how quickie people abandoned that particular approach.

I really thought they were on to something, too. I mean, for the last 2000 years, the Judeo-Christian mentality dominated much of the world’s culture, for better or worse, and if they wanted it to, or not. The life and teachings of Jesus Christ, even if just taken at ‘face value’ (meaning you look at them as parables, or teaching examples, and not the exact will and word of God), are complex, compelling and not-so-easy to always live by. But here was an attempt (or so I thought) to bring those morals and values into the modern world.

Funny how the fading of that bracelet fad ended around the same time Bush II came into power. If the all those Bible thumpers really thought it was God’s divine will and intervention that brought a, ‘man of God’ into the White House, why then, did they put the teachings of Christ on the back-burner? Whadda ya mean, Jesus wouldn’t have gone to war in Iraq, W.M.D.? Oh, but surely, he would have been in support of locking up those Arabs, and beating / torturing them. Well, he would have at least supported the wire-tap program, right? Hmm… well, we know he would have forgiven VP Dick Cheney for accidentally shooting his friend. OK, got it now.

I’m getting pretty tired of the Bush Administration and its antics, but it has very little to do with those WWJD bracelets. As interesting as those little pieces of cr@p were, and as fascinating as a philosophical question like that can be, it just isn’t the kind of thing that sticks. Back when the whole WWJD thing exploded, I made a bracelet for myself. It said WWLKD?, which means What Would Little Kim Do? I thought that was an appropriate question, given the complexities of today’s modern life, but since turning 30, I’ve been searching for a new outlook.

If you read my blog, it’s no secret that I’m a HUGE fan of the TV show, The West Wing. (Aside to M: Wessawing!) Now that I’ve re-watched seasons 1-4 on DVD, I’m falling in love with it, all over again. But thanks to my Boob-Tube companion in this visit to the world of Aaron Sorkin, I’ve developed a new-found respect for CJ Cregg, the White House Press Secretary (played oh-so-skillfully by Allison Janney, who can be heard as the voice of the starfish in Finding Nemo). She’s elegant, has amazing grace under pressure and always knows when and how to bring the funny.

So now, if I find myself in a jam, I’ll just ask myself, What would CJ Do?


Previously

Via Con Dios

Sunday, February 12

TIME GOES BY… SO SLOWLY

Well, it was interesting, for lack of a more, uh, interesting word. From the screen capture accompanying this post, you probably guessed I was talking about Madonna's much-hyped appearance on last week's Grammy Telecast.

I wondered how they were going to stage the performance, and what the song would sound like. As it turned out, there wasn't much of a cross-over -- thirty seconds, if that, and the whole thing felt a little underwhelming.

Don't get me wrong-I thought she did a pretty good job. Well, actually, when you consider the fact she's pushing 50 years-old, it was an amazing performance. A little throaty, as far as the vocals went. And when I was scanning the performance for screen shots (I've got a collage of three other shots on my flickr account), I noticed she had her eyes closed. Alot.

I didn't watch the rest of the telecast -- didn't see much point in it, what with Mariah Carey (and her enterouge of 28 prodcer / song writers) up for so many awards. This picture got me thinking, though... If right now (after nearly 50 up-and-down years), Madonna looks like Paris Hilton (stripper pole and everything), what's Paris Hilton gonna look like when she's 50?

Previously

Your Ears Won't Believe Your Eyes…


Go Back In the Day

Girl, You So Crazy Mariah Carey post

This Is Her Album, Clap For It!

Thursday, February 9

THE NEXT TIME YOU SEE A GECKO…

…don't even think about hitting the brakes—just run the damn thing over!

Alright, I’m going to spare you the long version of this disaster, to protect your sanity (and what little of it I have left, too). I signed up with Geico insurance a long time ago, thinking it was a better deal than my previous carrier. I mean, hey… their commercials feature that funny, little talking Gecko, so it can’t be all that bad, right?


Flash-forward, to this past fall: My car is broken into, right in front of my house. They bang-up the doors destroy the stereo and completely demolish the ignition core while trying to boost my poor, little soy-rocket. No, they didn’t get away it with, but the might as well have.

I call Geico’s claims department, and they tell me I have two options:

-One is to have the car towed (on my dime) to a mechanic I trust. Geico says they’ll send out a claims-adjuster to any shop I choose, and once they’ve looked it over, they’ll authorize a dollar amount, which will be used to pay me back for any charges I incur. The rep tells me it will be about two or three days before they’ll be able to look at it.

-The other choice is to use the Geico Express Repairs Program, which means they’ll pay to tow my car to a repair facility (about 15 miles away), where they have an on-sight claims adjuster and authorized repair shop. They’ll cover all the costs, after I’ve paid the deductible and work is guaranteed for the life of the car. Oh, and they also guarantee repairs will start on my car within 24 hours of the inspection.

This sounds like a bit of a scam, so I choose plan A. Two days later, they inform me they don’t have any adjusters in my area, and won’t be able to send someone. Ever. They let me know that I can pay for the tow and all repairs out-of-pocket, and when I send in some photos of the damage, they’ll consider reimbursement. So, I opt-in to their program.

A tow truck arrives that day, but the guy doesn’t know where he’s going. After I get directions, I sign all the paperwork, and sit back… thinking my car is going to be fine.

For two weeks, Geico couldn’t tell me where my car was, or how they’d lost it. First, they blamed me for not telling them where I'd sent it. Next, they said I never signed the paperwork to authorize repairswhen I dropped it off... which was the story they stuck to until they tried to bill me... for the tow service.

I’ll spare you the rest of the rancid details, but let’s just say that NOTHING about Geico’s service lived up to the promises and guarantees. Call after call, after call, no one at the repair shop or Geico could tell me what was going on, and they kept saying I was at fault, and never once said they were sorry for the "mix up."

It took almost three weeks before the whole thing got straitened out... at which point I switched to AAA Insurance, and cut my bill in half.

JUST IN CASE...


I wanted to make sure and post the cover (and the title) of the Erasure DVD I mentioned in an earlier post.

Its called, The Tank, The Swan & The Balloon, and its available through Amazon.com and other fine retailers.


Previously:

Bringing The World To Its Feet

Tuesday, February 7

FEELIN' C*NTY? HAVE I GOT A SHOW FOR YOU!

Here’s a little pic-schmear from a new(ish) podcast I’ve subscribed to: Gay Pimpin’ With Jonny McGovern. It’s a great show, with high-quality production values, and one-of-a-kind content.

Overall, it is a bit of a throwback to the 90s (what other show talks non-stop about vogue throw-downs in the clubs, “Paris Is Burning” and constantly drops Junior Vasquez’s name?), but I love it. I just love it, I tell you! Maybe I love it because it reminds me of a time when I was fabulous and fierce… or maybe it’s the smart tranny-humor, or the parade of sexy boys (that’s Jonny on the left of the pic, and Jay* on the right—he does movie reviews, so of course we get to see his butt). Whatever the reason, I’ve fallen for this show in a big way. Those b!tches sure now how to entertain.

As always, you can listen to this program one of three ways (so pick one, hookah!):

1. Go to the Apple Music Store (requires iTunes software), and subscribe to the show, or download individual episodes. You can listen to these shows on your iPod (or other snazzy portable digi-device), or on your computer, via iTunes. This is a free service.

2. Go to the Yahoo! Podcast page, or whatever. This is an OK choice, but I find the Yahoo! service to just be so-so.

3. Go to the show’s site … but if you’re put-off by the simple iTunes way of doing things, then you can just figure out other RSS options on your own.

Monday, February 6

BRINGING THE WORLD TO ITS FEET…

My younger sister gave me a really cool Christmas present this past holiday. OK, so it was an item taken right off of my Amazon Wish-List, but it was the thought that counted. This may sound like a cliché, and it may very bell be one, but there seems to be such a lack of thought, courtesy and consideration in the world today, that this gesture truly blew me away.

Now, in the interest of disclosure, there were a number of items from my Amazon list that ended up underneath the tree this past Christmas. As the holiday season started to reach a feverish pitch, my younger sister made several comments that proved she had looked at my list—I mean, looked and actually saw how it represented the different sides of my personality. She commented on a joke that only our family would understand, commented on a couple of changes I made, but she’s the type of person who takes care of their gift-buying way before the holidays. Based on the timing of her comments, I wasn’t under the impression she was getting anything off my list.

Then, on Christmas day, when I opened my gifts, there it was: The DVD of the Erasure concert I’d attended over a decade ago. I was back in high school, and some friends from my summer job had an extra ticket, and… well, the comment from my Amazon list says it all:

“This concert changed my life… no, seriously.”

And it did change my life, do doubt about it. It was the first time I’d been around that many gay men… and it felt like home—also the title of the last song of the concert. (The title of this post is taken from the lyrics.) The image accompanying this post is a (bad) Photoshop collage of images from the concert. I'm not all that great at this sort of art/work, but I had to tackle this challenge—no single image from the concert really gives you an idea of what the show was like. Heck, even this hodge-podge of pictures only gives a small clue… but you can find that out for yourself.

You see, the concert had been filmed, but it was available only in Europe, and only in the PAL format. I know because I tracked down a bootleg copy on VHS a couple years later. It was a really poor-quality transfer—the video and audio really sucked, which totally defeats the point of having a concert on tape. But it was a special concert to me, so I held on to the tape (hidden in a box somewhere) for years. So when they finally released it on DVD last year… it went on my list the next day.

We’ve never discussed it, but somehow my sister saw through all the other items (and equally important comments) and gave me this.

So, uh… thanks.

Sunday, February 5

YOUR EYES WON'T BELIEVE YOUR EARS…

Uh, or something like that.

Last week, it was announced Madonna will open this year's Grammy telecast -- an honor she's tackled before. But this time, there's a twist: she's performing with the animated band, The Gorillaz. If you've never seen or heard of them, you really should take a little time to check them out. Not only do they have a great sound, but they take this whole cartoon-thing pretty serious. I mean, they use cartoons in the video, and perform live… behind a screen, with the cartoon personas projected above the stage.

Now, I love Madonna. And I'd say that I'm a fan of the Gorillaz (as much as I'm able to make heads or tails of them). I was thrilled for Madonna, the last time she performed on the Grammys. Not because she did an amazing job or anything (she did that strange, seizure-like dance in full Geisha get-up for "Nothing Really Matters"). But she won that night, and she deserved it. "Ray of Light" was one of the best albums of her career.

But unless she's doing one of her full-on theatrical concerts, and it just her and the microphone… well, let's just say that her strongest selling point as a live performer is the look of it all. Live, Madonna is great to watch, and just OK to listen to. And The Gorillaz (live) are interesting to watch, but not much of a musical experience.

It should be interesting to see what happens when they get together. (If you haven't heard Madonna's new single, "Sorry," get your hands on a copy now -- it's great, especially the remix, with guest vocals by the Pet Shop Boys.)

[And Fausto: Shut up! She rocks, and she's been around a lot longer than anyone else -- I'll take her over Cher, anyday.]

Friday, February 3

KICK THOSE OL'SKOOL JAMS!

Here is a list (a little late) of the songs I just couldn’t get enough of for January 2006.
In alphabetical order:

A Pain That I’m Used To
[Jacques Lu Cont Remix] Depeche Mode
Another winner from Mr. Lu Cont—if you haven’t heard his work yet, check him out!

Are You Gonna Go My Way
[Armand van Helden Remix] Lenny Kravitz
A killer little white label that has quickly become my morning anthem.

Everything Burns
[Album Version] Anastacia feat Ben Moody
Still a favorite, for a number of reasons.


Hella Good
[Roger Sanchez Release Yo’self Mix] No Doubt
This one is from a few years back, but still rocks.

Hung Up Humps
[Mash Up] Madonna vs Black Eyed Peas
Tacky, tasteless and delicious… need I say more?

I’m Free
[Album Version] The Soup Dragons
A trip back to my days in school (I’ll let you guess if it was junior or high school).

If You But This Record (Your Life Will Be Better)
The Tamperer feat Mya
A guilty pleasure, no doubt about it.

LOVE
[Missy Elliott Underground Mix] Ashlee Simpson feat Missy Elliott
Finally, an Ashlee Simpson song that doesn’t make me vomit when I hear it.

My Life
[Original Version] Shirley Bassey
I’m not gonna explain this one. You either get it, or you don’t.

Proud
[Album Version] Heather Small
Take a listen to this one, and you’ll understand why I love it so much.

Also, I’ve been enjoying The PNSexplosion (a podcast), The Feast of Fools (another podcast) and have spent more time than I anticipated browsing the Apple Music Store’s Video/TV section.

Enjoy!

GO BACK IN THE DAY…


Remember back in the days before recordable CDs? Before ATMs or microwave… well, anything? Back then, if you wanted to give somebody a customized musical gift, you had to fart on them, or make them a mixtape.

Now, those days are back! Over at Madonna.com, you can make a mixtape of your favorite tunes from her new album, Confessions On A Dance Floor, and send it to a pal / loved-one, over the Internet.

So check it out, all you cool-cats out there!