CLOSER TO THE LIGHT (Part 1)

Forgive me father...it's been almost a month since my last post. I'll try and do this each Sunday/Monday to recap/map-out the seven days He gave me...and that I seem to be wasting.

THE SOUND OF ONE HAND SNAPPING
The reason I've been so low-profile? Drugs. No, seriously, my boss has been making my life really sh!tty for a while now. He just announced he's stepping down, which is a good thing...I think. He's going after something else, something he says will make him happy. So I'm happy for him. But it begs the question, as my friend Philip is so fond of saying. [SNARK: Just saw him for the first time in a couple of years, with his partner Josh. They haven't changed a bit. J'adore them. J'acan't imagine them in my life now, but not opposed to it, on some level.]

So, the question: WHAT THE HELL? No, really. What has the past couple of months been about. I mean, what is he like? What's he like, anyway? I took this job for him. Well, I took it for the person I thought he was. He failed to mention (as did the VP of HR and the president of my company) that he wouldn't be around for the first six months...the time that was supposed to be spent training me, molding me.

[SECRET] You see, I'm perfect for this job, I've just...uh, never done it before. Much love and respect to the pres. of the co. for taking such a huge chance on the kid, and even deeper, profound love and respect to her and the rest of the troops who stuck by me (or in some cases, came around to my "side"). I've been told, by people at this company, that I "require a lot of attention."

Uh, duh!?! A new employee, especially one who needs training, usually requires attention. And attention must be paid, one way or another. I'll spare (myself mostly) everyone the long, boring drama...it wasn't really about me, in the end. I took it, dealt with it the best way I knew/know how. And even though my supervisor leaving (thus, oh, I don't know, DOUBLING my work load?!) being out of the picture wasn't the resolution I had in mind, it's the one life gave me.

The president of our company, and indeed many of the new-hires she brought on in the wake of my arrival (OK, so I'll go back over The Drama in a later post, I'm trying to be a big boy and not dwell, OK?) rock, and rock hard. There's a general feeling of, "this should be more fun," taking center stage now, and it feels right. I mean, it's porn...GAY porn, at that, and our company is on the verge of becoming the Turner Entertainment of gay porn, so if I can just hold out...

AND THAT'S IT
No, really. I've never wanted anything so much, and had to just be...someone other than me. It's downright sh!tty at times. I get hazed pretty hard, have to deal with some major passive-aggressive behavior, am held to a different standard that most of the other employees, have to deal with my "street cred" with the staff and put out strange fires...like the rumor/joke that the prez and I are related. I won't get into THAT one, but if you know my boss, and you know me, you know how laughable it is. The more I learn, the more I master my job (and I mean MASTER, have you seen the February issue of my flagship magazine yet?), the more twacked things get...which is the exact opposite of what you'd expect, right?
It should get easier, the harder I work, but it doesn't. But at least I know what part of the mess is mine, now. And with my parole officer, uh, I mean, boss, on his way out, there's more mess to clean up/more ground to claim.

Yeah, it's a mess...but if this what success feels like (and I don't know if it is), I'll take it.

I'LL TAKE IT ALL