FLY RIGHT

So my sister and her girlfriend just left... no, not that sister, my older sister -- the flight attendant. She and her new (kick-ass) girlfriend spent the week here, and (except for all the leftover Tecate in the fridge) it was a nice visit.

What can I say? I love my sister, but can't stand beer...

TAKE THE PAULA DEEN QUIZ

Think you know the Queen of Southern Cuisine, Paula Deen? Take this Food Network Quiz, and find out just how much you know. For the answers, click here.

1. Paula was discovered at the age of:
31
41
45
55
61

2. Paula opened her first restaurant in:
Austin
Atlanta
Savannah
Dallas

3. In 1989, Paula launched a sandwich delivery business called:
The Bag Lady
Picnic Lunch
The Brown-Bagger
The Country Kitchen

4. Paula made her Hollywood debut in the 2005 film:
Walk The Line
Crash
Elizabethtown
Cinderella Man

5. Paula learned her southern cookin’ techniques from:
Her daddy
Her mother
Her grandmother
The Culinary Institute of America

6. Paula has two sons named:
Jamie and Michael
Bobby and Jamie
Jamie and Hunter
Michael and William

7. Paula announced to the world she would start filming her own Food Network show on:
The View
Oprah
LIVE With Regis & Kelly
Ellen

8. Paula considers this former U.S. President one of her favorite guests on her show:
Ronald Reagan
Jimmy Carter
George Bush, Sr.
Bill Clinton

9. Paula often uses this word to describe her style of cooking:
Sophisticated
Unpretentious
Trendy
Fat-free

10. Paula was introduced to her husband, Michael, by:
Her son
A waitress at her restaurant
Her dogs
An executive at Random House


I got 8 out of 10 correct, making me a “Paula Pro.” For the answers click here.

TIME FOR ANOTHER MANHUNT POEM!

The Wonderful Thing About HotBoys
(In the style of The Wonderful Thing About Tigger)

The most wonderful thing about hot boys,
Is hot boys are great in bed!
Their bottoms are made for f*c%i$g,
Their mouths give awesome head!
They’re moaning, groaning, erection showing,
Fun, Fun, Fun, Fun!
But, the most wonderful thing about hot boys
Is they’re filled with come!

The most wonderful thing about hot boys,
Is hot boys are always hung!
The thick ones are great for sucking,
The long ones will fuck you dumb!
They’re masturbating, fornicating,
Fun, Fun, Fun, Fun!
But the most wonderful thing about hot boys
Is I’m the only one!

KEEP IT REAL

I cut this ad out from a magazine I read... funny sh!t, huh? I have to admit, Heeb is one of the smartest, funniest and most interesting reads each time I pick it up. And no, I'm not Jewish... there just aren't any other magazines out there providing the consistent quality this one does.

Such a magazine, you should have...

CUT IT OUT

A subscription ad for one of my favorite magazines (I have a subscription now, thanks Dad).

GEEKFACTOR: MOD YOUR MAC!

I found these in this month's Mac World magazine... these are NOT altered photos, but actual Apple products people customized, jes fer the fack of it.

Pretty nerdy, huh? (But I have a feeling that last one is going to tickle the boys over at the PNSexplosion, who are NOT celebrating episode #100 this week... oh, it is a long, story -- don't ask. I wasn't able to finish the megamix I was going to give them, but the radio remix of the SlutBaby song is done... I'll give it to them, right before I unsubscribe.)

SPAM ON WHEELS

MY TOP TEN FAVORITE SPAM MESSAGES (THIS WEEK)
Yes, these are all real subject lines from my email I’ve collected in the past week, or so. In no particular order, here are my favorites:


Toilet message from Kyle Painter.
Who is Kyle Painter, and why is he emailing me from the toitey?

We cure any disease!
Good, because a number of people I used to work with are afflicted with a serious case of stupidity...

Age is a very high price to pay for maturity Garrisonian.
South Park jokes aside... they kind of make an interesting point.

Test your luck!
At last, spam-mail willing to be 100% honest: click on these email, or their links, and you're really pushing it!

Nasty upskirt pics message from Merle Berger.
I don't understand how spammers stay in business—people must be dumb enough to fall for these cracky / wacky subject headers... but this one makes me wonder what they being drawn in by: the nasty element, or the use of a 'proper' name.

Percussive message from Katharine Wright
A percussive message? Now that I'd like to hear.

Drunk matuure momas governing frictions.
Heh, heh, heh...

Sexy baby, bad erection?
No, and uh... is there such a thing?

Babe using her fingers and getting wet
What... fingerpainting? Or maybe doing the dishes, or watering the lawn... I wish they wouldn't be so vague.


and the one that really takes the cake:
Vesicular archdiocese electronic cabbage mundane oint neuronal bayberry earthworm!
Amen to that, brother!

BACK WITH ANOTHER ONE OF THOSE...

Here are my music picks for July: a lil' bitta funk to move the junk in your trunk.

Has Your Man Got Soul [Jamie Lewis Darkroom Remix] Milk & Sugar

Just You & I [Original Dub] Demon Richie & Mister T

Stars Are Blind [The Scumfrog's Extreme Makeover] Paris Hilton

Do I Look Like A Slut? [Peter Rauhofer's Dirty Ho Mix] Avenue D

Bad Girls Go To Hell [Original Club Mix] Hakkan Libdo

Life Goes On [Almighty Definitve Mix] LeAnn Rimes

Back On A Mission [DJ Dan Remix] Cirrus

Feel Good Time [Boris & Beks Massive Club Mix] P!nk

The World Is Mine [The Fuck-Me-I'm-Famous Remix / Deep Dish Club Mix] David Guetta

and my number one, old school jam of the month is:

Release The Pressure [DJ Sneal & Doc Martin Remix] KingSize Funk

If you'd like to know more about these (or any other) tunes I've listed on my blog, post a comment, and maybe I'll send you a CD.

RATHERISMS (or, That's The Way It Is...)

I was reading a book the other day — a collection of trivia/trivial odds'n'ends, if you will — and I came across a collection of Dan Rather quotes... here of some of my favorites:

"This race is humming along like Ray Charles"

"In southern states, Bush beat Kerry like a rented mule."

"The re-election of Bill Clinton is as certain as a double-tied knot in rawhide."

"These (election) returns are running like a squirrel in a cage."

"This race is as tight as a too-small bathing suit on a too-hot car ride back from the beach."

"This race is spandex-tight."

"This race is shakier than cafeteria Jello-O."

They just don't make 'em like him anymore, huh? (By the way, did anyone else catch Access Hollywood anchor(ette) Billy Bush's sit-down with industry legend Mike Wallace? They showed a clip on E's Talk Soup... a sample question: "You're always so tan... so, is that, like, a spray-on type deal, or what?" The famous news-anchor's reply? A roll of the eyes, and, a simple, "Yes, of course." But Billy, being a Bush and all, really went for the high road here, with the follow-up: "You mean, you go to the spray-on place?" No, the really don't make 'em like Danny Rather anymore.)

If you'd like to know more about the book where I picked up these "Ratherisms," click here.