I stumbled across this photo of Kris Weston (Oh, just search my blog for his name, I'm too tired to put the links in the body of this post for you), and Troy Punk, who I used to have a little crush on when I was in the biz. OK, that just sounds lame... he's still cute. I just kinda got over my crush when another magazine (same company) got a better photo set, and interview than I got.
When I saw this photo, and that whole world came rushing back to me...
A year ago, around this time, I was just out of the hospital (pnuemonia), and back at work. I don't really miss the stress, being treated like crap, or the lame-ass, long days. I don't think I had been in bed before 1 in the morning for three whole months, prior to my hospital stay... there was a time in my life where that statement would have meant I was out, having a good time. As I've grown older, I find I have fewer nights of restful sleep. But those months leading up to the start of the end, work consumed me. And not in a good way. Funny thing is, looking back on it now, it wasn't worth it.
I loved the work I did. I loved the challenges, loved the feeling that rushed over my body each time I held a new issue in my hands, and even loved some of the people I worked with. But I was treated like shit. Even worse, I ended up dishing it right back—a personal low, and something I've struggled to put behind me. I don't think they ever really appreciated me, or how hard I was working. They cut me off, tossed me out on my ass in the blink of an eye... and then sold the company for a tidy profit. The only thing keeping me from being truly bitter, and filled with hate is knowing that I walked away from it with the only thing that mattered to me: my life.
Sure, I miss the money. And the endless parade of naked dudes... but I almost died a year ago, and even if I add everything I loved about the job, and ignored the crappy bits it wasn't worth it. I look at this photo, and remember the amazing people I met; remember how they were good people, people I could respect for the talent and their kindness... it just helps keep it all in perspective, y'know?