BENNY HILL vs DISNEY

This is amateur footage, from Disneyland, of Pluto chasing a young boy around Main Street, USA. The reason for the chase is still unknown... but lucky for us, the folks over at Hollywood Press TV remixed it with the world famous Benny Hill Show chase song. (To see the original version of Benny's theme, click here. To see the original Pluto clip without the Benny Hill music, click here.)


This one is for the Sarah & Sophia

ON THE OTHER HAND...

There's been a great deal of hand wringing and head shaking over Britney Spears' less than stellar performance at the MTV VMAs. As the dust slowly settles — her lawyer and her manager have both dumped her — a great deal of ink (newspapers, magazines), hours of footage (TV, the web) and billions of pixels (the blogosphere) have been dedicated to picking apart the former pop queen's demise.

Another story rising from the ashes is the success of R&B artist Chris Brown, and the "amazing" performance he gave. Even Justin Timberlake, during the course of the show sang this young pop star's praises. But if you watch Brown's performance closely, two things stick out like Madonna at a Roshashana celebration:

1. Almost all of his moves are stolen from Michael Jackson. At one point, the music even samples "Billie Jean," while Brown recreates the moves from Jackson's earth shattering Grammy performance from years gone by. (So much for creativity.)

2. Chris Brown, like Spears, lip-synced his entire performance. Granted, he spent his on-stage time jumping, flipping and gyrating from one side of the stage to the other, which can make it hard to sing... but not impossible.

I guess I can forgive the first point, under the guise of, "homage." But the second point... why do we forgive (and praise, in some cases) Brown, but crucify Britney? Why the double standard? I'm not forgiving Britney for the lackluster performance, but I'm not about to crown Chris Brown as the next big thing, either.

SEPTEMBER SPAM

Here are actual SPAM email I received in my Yahoo! account:

67% of members got laid
And I think you're 100% full of sh!t

All-expenses-paid trip: Here are your 2 Oprah Winfrey show tickets
You know, I'm sad to say, I deleted this one without checking it... and the even sadder part is that I actually entered the contest on Oprah.com to win tickets to this season.

A question for you - Anna Nicole or Marilyn?
Neither! Steve McQueen.

Be like Ron Jeremy!
What, fat, hairy and a has-been?

You’ve Been Picked To Be A Mystery Shopper For The Month of September
The real mystery here is who would fall for this phishing expedition.

Hunk screws his mate in the bathroom
No thanks, I get enough of this on MSNBC's coverage of the Sen. Craig scandal!

Cynthia Gets Drill In Cartoon Box
I'm not sure why Cynthia recieved a drill as a gift, or what kind of box a "cartoon" box is, but (as always), grammar counts, people!

F*ck them and chuck them. These girls are paid to leave.
Really? So the sex is free?

Haven’t we met somewhere before, Zippersparks?
No. But nice try.

I Love Thee
Thou art a liar, and a scoundrel!

UPDATE: Teenie Weenie Emmys

According to The Los Angeles Times, this year's Emmy telecast audience was the second smallest... ever. Yes, in all 59 years, the year Ryan Seacrest was brought in to infuse the show with a broader, younger audience was the second worst viewer ratings.

And it turns out I was wrong when I said the ratings were off 3%. The correct number is 20%, or 3 million viewers. (Not that this makes things better for the folks over at Fox, or for Mr. Seacrest.)

FAMILY GUY, Part 1

This one is for Doug.

FAMILY GUY, Part 2

This one is for Julie

AND THE EMMY FOR BIGGEST FLOP GOES TO...

Fox and Ryan Seacrest! Yes, folks - I hate to say, "I told you so," but... OK, I actually have no problem saying it in this case: I was right, Fox was wrong. Ryan Seacrest, it turns out, did not attract a bigger, younger audience for this year's Emmy telecast.

Yes, this year's ratings dropped from last year's by over 3 per cent. Now, that may not sound like a lot, but in terms of a year-to-year ratings slide, that's huge... especially when you consider the fact that this show only comes on once a year, and was heavily hyped by Fox.

Perhaps (and one can only hope) Fox, and the entertainment community at large, will realize a couple of things:

1. Ryan Seacrest has no talent, whatsoever.
2. American Idol is a ratings winner, in spite of Ryan Seacrest.
3. I was right.

OK, maybe that last one won't sink in. But at least we can hope for the first two, right?

HEE HEE HEE

Thanks to the PNSexplosion for this picture.

THE TWO-COLOR VIEW

Not that I'm watching ABC's The View anymore or anything, but I was annoyed to hear about the fifth, new host on the show. Now, I don't have anything against what's-her-name, Sheri, or whatever. No, my issue is with the producers, and Baba Wawa.

With the millions of Latinos in the U.S., with their combined spending power and ratings potential as an audience, would it have killed them to pick a brown host, instead of another black one? Why keep pandering to one minority group? Worse yet, they've had an Asian, and an African American host, along with a slew of white hosts... one would think that ABC thinks The View shouldn't include Latinos or Latinas; that the only view they want is one of blacks and whites.

Racism takes all forms, and the fact that they continually underrepresented the single largest ethnic minority group in the nation (not to mention the fastest growing minority) speaks volumes. Latinos everywhere should boycott all the show's sponsors until they make amends. Period.

SEPTEMBER (SECRET) TUNE

I usually start each month by posting a list of tunes I'm jamming to, or songs I think people should (and would) like to hear... but this month, I've been avoiding this particular post. Lately, my iPod has been pumpin' the ol'skool jams, and all other music listening revolved around soundtracks like Wicked, or High School Musical 2. (That last one is with my cousin's kids.)

But one new song has been on my mind, and in heavy rotation on my computer. Yes, as much as I hat to admit it, I'm really feelin' Britney Train-Wreck Spears' new tune, Gimme' More. Her vocals are (as in the past), canned and over produced, but the track still manages to shine. The smooth, sexy synth bass and dark, electro bubbles glide over the slick beats and sultry lyrics, creating a true pop experience. I don't know who is behind the track (yet), but as long as Britney cleans up her act, she has a real shot at surviving the current sh!t storm she finds herself in.

I'll post a list of classic, and nu-school jams later in the month.

SURVEY SAYS...

From the BRI's, a collection of Fast Money round answers from Family Feud. (That's the part, at the end of the show, where a single contestant answers a series of rapid-fire questions.) Here are some of my favorites:

Name a fruit that is yellow
Orange

Name a bird with a long neck
Naomi Campbell

Name a holiday when the stores are always busy
Monday

Name the first thing you take off after work
Underwear

Something that flies that doesn't have an engine
A bicycle with wings

A job around the house that has to be done every fall
Spring cleaning

Name a famous bridge
The bridge over troubled waters

HOPE YOU KEPT THE RECEIPT FOR THIS GIFT

I mean, yikes... how mad at you was the jerk who gave you this gift for X-mas?

IT'S ABOUT @#%IN' TIME!

The Academy of Television Arts & Sciences (the folks who hand out the Emmys) finally came to their senses, and awarded the statue for Best Non-Competitive Reality Program to Kathy Griffin's My Life on the D-List.

This funny lady busted her hump the few years, touring the country in comedy clubs, showing up on numerous TV shows and appearing at the opening of an envelope... and all this while being abandoned by her, "main gays," going through an ugly divorce, losing her father and dealing with the general mistreatment of Hollywood A-listers.

I love her show, I love her stand-up shows but most of all, I love her spirit. Kathy has remained - season after season, year in and year out - true to herself, and true to her fans. We love you, Kathy!

CLASH OF THE TIGHT-ABS

While cruising the interwebs today, I came across this great photo over at Perez Hilton's blog. I have to take back my comments about not adding to the shit storm surrounding Britney Spear's so-called comeback... this side by side comparison of Madonna and Britney, in the same outfit says it all.

And don't bother saying that Britney's body is in poor shape because she had a baby - Madonna still looks this good, and she's had children as well, albeit after this photo was taken.

Making matters worse, if you've seen both performances (Britney, last night, and Madonna, from The Girlie Show Down Under), you see an obvious difference between the two pop artists. If you haven't seen either performance, you can watch it here. To watch the Madonna performance, go to YouTube and search for "Fever" from the The Girlie Show concerts.

DOGPILE ON BRITNEY (And Other MTV Reactions)

I won't add to the shit storm that is the reaction to Britney Spear's performance on the MTV Awards. I will say that I watched... I made a point of tuning in, and (like the rest of the world) I was underwhelmed.

Yes, she seemed tired, under-energized and gave a half-ass performance. Yes she seemed pathetic relic; a has-been version of her former glorious self. But the same adjectives could (and should) be applied to the ceremony itself. Yes, the MTV Awards are a tired old show. And perhaps this was bound to happen. I mean, how long can anything remain fresh? How long can a concept continue to appear cutting-edge? How many years can an any institution claim to have the market cornered, when it comes to youthful innovation?

So yes, the Britney Spears we all knew is no more. But watching some of the other, poorly planned barely-performed entertainment on this year's MTV Awards all I could thing was, "how sad," and how I used to love watching the show. And no, I'm not saying this just because I'm older now. I genuinely love some of the music and performers honored at last night's ceremony.

Simply put: there was no opening act that could have saved the show - there is no opening number that could have resurrected the once-great Moonman ceremony - there is no way to restore anything past its prime. Moving the show to Vegas, while an improvement over the pathetic ceremony hosted in Miami a couple of years ago (you know, the one where Eva Longoria taunted and teased the storm, saying a little rain wasn't going to keep her from partying... that little storm named Katrina), the move on served to prove how desperate the producers must have been. There was nothing added to the show by moving locations. And Sarah Silverman, while charming at the MTV Movie Awards, seemed mean an callous this time around. But I don't know what I expected... this is, after all, the ceremony honoring music videos on a channel that doesn't even bother to play music videos anymore.

RANDOM THOUGHT...

Has anyone else watched the show Ace of Cakes and wondered why none of them ever wear hair nets? I mean, sure, the lead cake-maker is bald but some of the others (like the girl with the glasses, and the rotund girl who cries all the time) have long, unkempt hair.

CORRECTION/SHOUT-OUT

Just a quick update for the last post:

Yes, as Marc (Blogger profile here) noted in the comments, Battlestar Galactica doesn't debut until January. I didn't know where else to file it, other than the "Fall Preview" because very few other shows will bow during that month... or at least not enough to warrant writing about. You can check out Marc's blog here. (I would rate his blog PG-13, so enter only if you're not around small children or at work.)

I left one show off (mostly 'cuz I forgot it was going to debut): Project Runway. Yes, I'm excited to see it again, but it isn't the kind of show I can wax poetic about.

Stay tuned for more...

FALL TV PREVIEW, Part 1

The fall TV premieres are almost here, brining a new crop of crap... and a few hits, here and there. Before we dive back into the broadcast carnage, I though I'd dive into the returning shows I'm looking forward to (and why I'm looking forward to them). Here, in no particular order, are my Fall TV returning show picks:

Battlestar Galactica (Sci Fi) OK, so I said they were in no particular order, but there's a reason this Peabody Award winning show popped into my mind first: it is, in my humble and informed opinion, the best TV show currently on the air. The writing is above-average, the special effects and visuals are top-notch and the acting... well, there's lots of eye candy on this show, and plenty of good acting, as well. It's pretty hit and miss, from episode to episode - sometimes the acting is all solid, and other times, it has a mild, campy sci-fi feel (which isn't always a bad thing).

When last season ended, several plot points converged, bringing about a whole new round of questions... which would be great, if the new season wasn't jumping back to the start of the story (the mini-series, not season one) to tell the story of some of the other humans to survive a nuclear holocaust.

House, M.D. (Fox) While not quite the cliffhanger of last season, season three ended with some crucial questions surrounding television's favorite acerbic doctor, Gregory House. (By the way, unconfirmed reports given to the LA Times say Hugh Laurie, who plays House, was in the running to host the upcoming Emmy awards, but at the last minute Fox went with Ryan Seacrest. You can read my reaction to their decision here.)

I'm a late-comer to House fan-club, but now that I've seen all three, previous seasons, I can honestly say I think this is one of the best dramas on television. The writing and acting are some of the best (ever), and certainly the best on Fox.

House may or may not take home an Emmy or two this fall, but one thing you can count on is that I'll be tuned in to the season four premiere.

Ugly Betty (ABC) While I wasn't a huge fan of the number of breaks in between new episodes this show took last season, the final episode was enough to draw me back in for another look... at least for now.

The pure camp element of this show, combined with its everyday gay appeal make this a highly watchable show. And the capable cast manage to rise above the dishwater-ordinary, bad soap opera writing. (And I know, it is supposed to have a soap opera quality, but some of the dialog was so bad, I almost changed the channel, and never cam back.)

Heroes (NBC) Another show that I'm on the fence about watching this season, partly for its history of unnecessary breaks between episodes (I mean, it can't be that hard to make), and the new distraction tactics they're going to engage. In between the normal episodes continuing where last season left off will be unrelated episodes... with new characters that audiences will have the choice to vote on to the main show. Sound confusing? Convoluted? Sound like a stalling tactic? We'll have to tune in to the new season and see. (Hopefully, Sci Fi will run repeats of the new episodes, freeing me up to watch something else on Monday nights, catching Heroes on a later night in the week.)

Nip/Tuck (FX Networks) I'm on the fence about this show... but for personal reasons. I love this show: its over the top in all the right ways, sexy, smart and has a great metro sensibility. But this season, the fellas at Troy - MacNaWhatever have moved their practice to Hollywood (my place of birth, and former home) - which means plenty of Los Angeles-bashing... something I'll have a low thresh-hold for. Especially considering the show was previously set in the cultural and emotional wasteland that is Florida. I mean, come on. I know they're in the business of fake: fake boobs, fake faces, etc., but if L.A. is as superficial as people say, then a couple of plastic surgeons should fit right in... but, we'll see.

Stay tuned for the next installment...

THANK GOD FOR TIM GUNN!

Tomorrow night, Bravo TV will launch its new Fall Season with Tim Gunn's Guide To Fashion. While seemingly a conventional makeover show, this show boasts one thing no other show can: the involvement of former Parson's Chair of Fashion Design turned Liz Claiborne's chief creative director; none other than Project Runway's host with the most, Tim Gunn.

Known for his catch-phrases, "Make it work," and, "Carry on," Tim brought a unique perspective, classy, well-worded, urbane, witty and helpful eye to several seasons of Runway. He deserves, no, needs his own show. But not as much as some of the participants need his guidance. His motto for his new show is, "your style, my rules," which clearly shows what classy guy he is.

Tim Gunn's Guide To Style premieres Thursday, on Bravo, and tops the list of my Fall TV must-see programs.

JERRY'S KIDS, INDEED...

Recently, I was concerned my blog was on the verge of being too negative, too down on the world. Then, I woke up to the news today. Many stories in the day's new caught my eye, but only one sparked my outrage. Over the weekend, the MDA held its annual telethon to raise money. Like every year, the event was hosted by "comedian" Jerry Lewis. (I put it in quotes, because I never thought he was funny.)

Whether or not you like Lewis' films or live performances, there's no denying that he screwed this one up. During the course of his live telecast, he made a derogatory comment (he calls it a joke), referring to someone as an, "illiterate fag." He later offered a half-@ss apology, saying that anyone who knew him knew he didn't hold any prejudices against gays, and that he was sorry if anyone was offended. He didn't say he was sorry he said it.

This isn't the first time he's gone off the reservation... a few years back, he made a comment insinuating that women comedians couldn't be funny. When asked about the comment on Larry King's talkshow, he denied saying it, but clarified his belief that women, as life-givers couldn't be funny the way men could. And that he had never seen a female comedian he found funny.

Maybe someone should hold a telethon to help Jerry Lewis buy a clue.