JULY'S (GOLDEN HONEY) SPAM

Here's a sample of just some of the SPAM in my Yahoo! email:

Claim your Rachel Ray Chef Package with participation
I don't like Rachel Ray, so why would I want a Chef Package from her? Besides, opening a bottle of E.V.V.O. without hearing her annoyingly perky, beejer-voice rambling endlessly on and on, takes away from the overall experience.

100% satisfaction guaranty – ooze first
Do you think they meant, "guarantee?" A "guaranty" is a pledge to pay someone else's debt, or perform their duties, as needed. A subtle distinction, sure, but when it comes to ooze, you want to be sure.

Your bed games will be much longer than now!
Longer, as in the duration of my games, or longer, as in, more inches, down below? If you're going to send me email, asking me to part with my money, at least specify!

Rachel Ray endorses Wu Yi Tea!
OK, enough with the Rachel Ray bullsh!t already! It's bad enough I can't walk down the grocery store aisle with yummy treats like Wheat Thins without seeing her annoying face on every box, can't I check my email in peace? Be yourself in bed, independ of the circumstances!

Read this if you’re a man
I've had my manhood questioned before, but never because I didn't open an email.

Amazon.com recommends “Battlestar Galactica Season 3”
Ooops, that's a "real" email that should have gone into the non-SPAM pile.

Get paid top dollar for your old gold
I don't have anything snarky, or even interesting to say about this email, except to say I received over 20 email with this exact subject line.

You’re fat, but it’s not your fault
Finally! My obesity absolved! And from a total stranger, no less! But I prefer to think of myself more as Rubenesque, not fat.

If your in school, you can’t afford not to open this
Well, this one just takes the cake... and if I have to explain why, shame on you.