Thursday, May 29

A TIME-WASTING PARADOX

One of the local Los Angeles newspapers occasionally prints excerpts from The Mayor Of Television Blog. Ignoring the obvious - printing a blog in the newspaper smacks of trying to be up-to-date with what the kids are doing these days; and, Who the frack died and made this guy the MAYOR of Television? - the column can actually be a decent read. I'd link to the blog's actual page, but the site is poorly designed, and suffers from pop--up-itis. (Yes, you can turn on pop-up blockers, but then the site is even slower to load, and this can be a pain if you're browsing the web in tabs.)

The more recent (printed) diatribe by, "The Mayor," had to do with a poll over at TV.com - I'd link to the poll, or at least the poll results, but (again) Flash animation-mania, and over-designing dooms this otherwise enjoyable site. (And the bottom line is, the poll is only incidental to my post.)

It seems the folks at TV.com took a user poll to find out what characters people want to see get their own spin-off shows. The Mayor takes issue with the site's methodology, or lack-thereof, and then proceeds to trash the "winners" of the poll, and wind-bags on to give his own nerdtacular ideas for programming. (Which, when you read, explain why he's writing a blog, and not producing any actual television content.)

Ah, what the heck. You can read his rant here.

What cracks me up is that one of the (many) complaints/digs he gets in is how the poll is a waste of time, and how fitting this time-wasting is, given than anyone using TV.com obviously has time to waste, for various unsavory reasons... when in fact, his blog (whether reprinted or not) is a colossal time-sucker. He's basically wasting time pontificating on the many ways that other people are wasting time, writing about television.

Kinda makes your head hurt, no?

Wednesday, May 28

(NOT REALLY) SEPERATED AT BIRTH

This isn't really a match, but more of one of those uncanny, family-type resemblances. (I don't know... white people start to all look alike after a while.) If you've seen The CW's new show Farmer Wants A Wife - which seems more like a low-rent concept they'd do over at Fox - then you've seen one half of this pair:

Former Fox News "Reporter" turned White House Press Representative (and now, ass-cancer survivor), Tony Snow and the CW's Farmer bear an uncanny similarity in look (especially when you seen them both in "action" and not as much in the stills I found).

Check these photos out, and tell me these two don't share some common bloodline:

See, how they both use microphones when speaking in front of crowds?


And see how they both have to put up with dumb-@ssholes:


And check out those whitey, white-@ss dork grins:


And not only do they look alike, but they've both gone on TV and sold their dignity just for the chance to be there...

WELL, JUGGHEAD... SINCE YOU ASKED

GUILTY PLEASURE #557

I have to fess up: although I'm absolutely dismayed at the fact that MTV doesn't actually play music anymore, I've fallen in love with one of its new shows: The Paper.

The show follows the day-to-day antics of a high school newspaper in Florida. I'm not sure how MTV decided to focus on high school drama, or how they chose this particular school, but as far as trashy, frothy reality programming goes, this show is tops. Most of the episodes center around the horrible Editor-In-Chief, Amanda, and the band of misfits she lead (or fights with, as the case may be). As far as central "characters" go, she's a real piece of work: clueless, lacking in all social graces and in charge of an, "award winning" newspaper... over the course of the first few episodes, she's galvanized the rest of the staff, leading to all-out chaos.

The daily requirements of a high school publication aren't that demanding, but based on the number of melt-downs, the amount of hand-wringing and general temper-tantrums, you'd think they were publishing a Pulitzer-winning daily newspaper.

And even though every moment of the show feels staged, and the thought of going to high school with the people on the show gives me the squirts... I can't get enough of The Paper. You can check out the show, watch episodes and see what all the fuss is about here.

REALITY-TV ROUND-UP!

The last couple of weeks of reality TV have been, for lack of a better world: real. I've watched every season of America's Next Top Model, waiting for one of the "plus-sized," (real-sized, if you ask me) girls to break the top 3. I watched and watched, in vain, as winner after winner got smaller and smaller, like an advertisement for eating disorders. The last straw was when Jasleen won... she was all skin and bones.

Every cycle, the story remained the same: the full-sized girls would start off strong, and then, as the season wore on, the other (skinny) girls would pick on them until, defeated and demoralized, they were sent packing. One season even featured a group of girls telling the plus-sized model, "there will never be a full-sized model on the cover of high fashion magazines." But this season, things took a different turn...

Whitney was bubbly, beautiful and a true-competitor. And she carried it all the way through to the end, becoming ANTM's first real-sized Cover Girl.


Over on American Idol, things had been getting pretty stale: one by one, the competitors fell in David Archuletta's death march of sappy, syrupy ballads. Week after week, the Mormon Mon Chi Chi delivered the same Six Flags theme park performance, complete with Diva Sing Language (waving around erratically, pointing to the audience when he sang, "you," touching his chest earnestly when he sang the word, "me," and the like.)

But there was one, flickering hint of hope: David Cook. And unless you've been living in a cave in Afghanistan, you know that the indie rocker won the whole enchilada... by over 12 million votes. While I can't claim to love every single one of his performances, I was a fan of his style and individuality.

All in all... it's been a pretty good couple of weeks on the boob-tube. For more pictures of these two reality champs, click here.

Monday, May 19

THAT'S SAYING A MOUTHFULL!

"We are now at a point where we must educate our children in what no one knew yesterday, and prepare our schools for what no one knows yet."

This prophetic quote was uttered by world famous anthropologist Margaret Mead, who died in 1978.

Imagine what she would say about the current state of education and cultural anthropology today.

I THINK I'VE FALLEN IN LOVE...

I finally got around to viewing Janice Dickinson's Modeling Agency this weekend... and it was so much better than my wildest dreams.

I remember really wanting to see the show, when it first came on the air, but we don't get that channel on our cheap, crappy cable plan. I, like many gay men, fell in love with Janice on America's Next Top Model (which hasn't been nearly as good since Ms. Dickinson departed). She's brazen, blunt, but also 100% real. With Janice, what you see is what you get. And her wild romp into the world of model wrangling proved to be some of Janice's best work.

The handful of episodes of JDMA I watched (online) covered a wide variety of experiences and emotions - everything from nudity and body image issues in modeling to the daily challenges of being a (working) mom. And she handled each new task, and each new day with the same aplomb, pluck and salty, sailor-on-shore-leave can-do attitude... and the results were always entertaining. I really have a new level of respect, admiration and diva-worship for Janice after watching this (short-lived) show.

Oh, and there's a ton of man-candy in every single episode, which is also nice. If you find yourself in front of your computer, with some time to kill, you can stream episodes and clips at Flick Peek (the show's page is here), I highly recommend checking in with the crew over at Janice Dickinson's Modeling Agency.

For more images from this little gem of show, click here.

Saturday, May 17

MUSIC FOR MAY

Here are the tunes rockin' my world this month (in no particular order):

4 Minutes [Album Version / Peter Saves NY Mix] Madonna feat Justin Timberlake - Easily the best track on her new album, this one still gets my blood pumping in the morning. I haven't really been into Peter Rauhofer's mixes and mixing for a while, but with this one, he's back on top. Madonna and Rauhofer together are like peanut butter and chocolate together: wonderful on their own, and dynamite when combined!

Heartbeat / Miles Away [Album Versions] Madonna - While most of the tracks on "Hard Candy" are utter garbage, I love these two tracks. They're the only ones I find myself wanting to sing along to in the car.

Cities In Dust [Album Version] Junkie XL feat Lauren Rock - Not as good as the original (but what is?), this cover of the Siouxsie & The Banshees 80s classic is a heavy, dirty electro with rocking guitars. I first heard it on an episode of "Gossip Girl," and I was floored... but I always love Junkie XL's work.

Stranger [Album Version / Smax & Gold Mix] Hilary Duff - Smax & Gold are quickly becoming my new favorite remixers, and this gem is a perfect example of why.

Hi N Bye [Smax & Gold Mix] Till West & Eddie Thoenick feat Alexandra Pierce - This rockin', dirty electro mix (with a huge disco house breakdown in the middle) still rocks my world on the treadmill, in the car, in the shower...

So Excited [Bimbo Jones Club Mix] Janet Jackson feat Khia - I've been on a mission, trying to collect as many Bimbo Jones remixes as I can these past few months. He takes great pop vocals and juices them up into dance floor stormers.

Set You Free 2008
[Various Mixes] Planet Soul - A great, classic breakbeat club track, re-worked with the original club heads in mind. No amount of remixing can hide how great the original vocal is, and most of the new mixes manage to stay clear of messing this formula up.

Push The Feeling On 2008 [Various Mixes] The Nightcrawlers - Another classic club hit (probably on of the Top Ten Club Tracks of all time) with some great mixes from the house, electro and progressive DJ communities.

Unbroken
[Album Version] Jessica Sierra - I first heard this track on VH1's "Celebrity Rehab," and fell in love with the raw, powerful vocal. I'm sad to report this was Jessica's only iTunes release, which is a shame. Few "American Idol" alumni reach this level of depth and personal artistry.

Come Together / Let It Be
[Soundtrack Version] Various Artists from the "Across The Universe" Soundtrack - If you haven't seen "Across The Universe," rush out and rent it. (Or put it in your Netflix cue, whatever the case may be.) You don't have to be a Beatles fan, or a fan of musicals to love this complex, rich and beautiful film and its glorious soundtrack.

MAY'S HELPING OF SPAM

Here are actual email subject lines from my Yahoo! account:

An advisory means a potentially hazardous event is occurring.
Well, that's true, but who is going to issue an advisory about all these crappy spam?

An inhalation as destruction
I'm not even going to touch this one...

Financing Approved For Women – Ladies: Get approved with bad credit
Like ladies' night, but for credit cards, I guess.
Horny studs pull it for what they’re worth in the shower
This would be more sexually arousing if the poor grammar didn't muddle the meaning - he's pulling "it" (singular) for what "they're" (plural) worth... just how many things is he pulling on?

I was told that “I shot like an elephant.”
An elephant? Is this something to be proud of? And the person who said this to you... what was the frame of reference they were working from, and why were you sleeping with someone like that?
Lesbos playing with pantyhose
Interestingly enough, last week on "Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me" they featured a story about how people on Lesbos Island were up in arms because they felt like saying they were Lesbian (from Lesbos) had an unfortunate double meaning.

Looking to impress broads? I do!
I'm guessing a good way to impress them is not to call them, "broads."
Nasty hunk talks a stranger into nasty action
I don't know about you, but "nasty" has always had negative connotations.
He be maladroit
What is that? Is that a good thing to be?
Avoid enhancement pills
I've been able to stay away from enhancement pills... it's the email solicitations of those pills I can't seem to avoid.

CRUSH OF THE MONTH: May

I enjoy a number of cheesy shows - shows I enjoy thoroughly, but don't always admit to watching. Don't get the wrong idea: I'm not watching Hanna Montana or anything. But I do enjoy my share of Sci Fi shows, some with fanatic devotion. One such show is Stargate Atlantis. (I also enjoy the re-runs of Stargate SG-1, truth be told.)

While not as good as the show it was spun-off from, Atlantis offers some enjoyable romps. But it suffers from the same problem many Sci Fi shows do: it takes itself too seriously, and some of the characters are real losers. Stargate Atlantis is full of nerdy, scientist types, which can grow a little tiresome.

But every time I think I've grown tired of the pencil-pushers, beaker boys and all-around tech losers, the other half of the Atlantis team shows up: the military. A little man candy makes any show enjoyable, and Stargate Atlantis and Stargate SG-1 both offer up some major babes.

So my Crush Of the Month for May is on the men of the Stargate shows. I've singled-out Joe Flannigan (Major Sheppard), Ben Browder (Lt. Col. Mitchell) and the lesser-known, but just as tasty Kavan Smith (Major Lorne).


For more pictures of these three Stargate hunks, click here.

MEXI-GRILLED WHAT, NOW?

Last week, when I went down to L.A.X., I stopped at the Taco Bell just outside the airport. Trips to Taco Bell (and Del Taco) aren't that out of the ordinary for me... but this trip proved to be something special. As I walked in the door, I was greeted by a woman with a clipboard. "Would you be willing to try a new product today?," she asked.

Me: What is it?

Taco Bell Woman: They actually ask that we not tell you that. I just need to know if you have any strong feelings about dairy, chicken and cheese.

Me: Strong feelings? I'll say!

Taco Bell Woman: Oh.

Me: Now, when I say I have strong feelings, I mean I love dairy, cheese and chicken.

She proceeded to hand me a packet filled with questions about my fast food eating habits and various questions about Taco Bell products and the quality and cost of their food. The questionnaire also asked about the product, which was new, spicy chicken soft taco.

How much would I be willing to pay for this product? At what price would the product be too cheap, and would I begin to wonder about the quality of the food? The packet also asked me to vote on one of four names, including something about a spicy, Mexi-Grilled soft taco.

I ate the taco (it was way yummers), filled out the packet and got a couple of Taco Bell Bucks for my trouble. They said the product would hit the market next year some time, so keep your eyes peeled for it.

Wednesday, May 14

SAY WHAT?

Sorry I haven't posted in a while - not much to say. I did want to share this latest security generator pass code: