CRANK THIS MOTHER UP!

Alright, so I wrote a review of Crank, but blogger crashed my browser... twice. (And yes, I'm using the latest version of Firefox, so fuck-off, all you blogger assholes. Your product, free or not, sucks. I'm ready to pay for one that works.) So here is, take three:


My cousin, Sandra and I, went to the first screening of Crank, and it rocked. It wasn't heavily screened for reviewers, which is usually a bad sign when films are released in the US. But in this case, I think the studio took the right route. Most reviewers in major American print outlets are over-40, bitter, and have more hair on their butt than their balls (or head.) Except Ken Turran over at the Times, he's my dawg. But not matter what those other turds say, this movie rocked the kooch. (Amy Smart more than earns her second-billing in this film. Even though she's only in about 1/3 of the film, she steals nearly every scene she's in.)

Crank features pulse-pounding action, breathtaking stunt sequences, a too-hot-for-TV sex scene and big, belly laughs. The jump/stutter-cuts, and other MTV editing tricks (terms the over-40 reviewer uses as an insult, but I choose to reclaim, as a compliment) are smart, effecient ways of matching the break-neck speed of the action. For once, an action film found a way to keep the pace solid, from start to finish, without overwhelming the plot, or the audience. My only beef was that the pace never let up. With just a few subtle changes here and there, this film could be a blockbuster. It may turn out that way, regardless.

One scene that stuck out in my mind, was a chase sequence, where Jason Statham (who somehow managed to turn the usual macho-acting homo-bashing into a sexy, arousing sneer—just imagine him calling another gangster and asking, "Y'feel like going' down on me? Lettin' me lick your arse?—turns from harASSment to hot) is on his cell phone. Rather than simply inter-cut the two callers, they project the image of the other guy onto the wall, behind Statham, while he runs. Little tricks like this keep the film up-and-running like... well, let's just say there's a hard-on scene (before the sex scene) that's not to be missed. There are plenty of nice shots of Statham's ass, also not to be missed included in the film. And the ending... has to be seen to be believed.

If you haven't seen a good action flick in a while (and I hadn't), go see Crank.