CLASSIC AUGUST SPAM

Here are some real-life email subjects found in my Yahoo! box:

Best swingers party yet!
Well, I wasn't going to open this one, but the exclamation point at the end made me think, 'Hey, maybe this is the best swingers party yet!'

Be strong all night – arrest skier
Well, I'm not sure what arresting a skier has to do with staying strong all night, but then again, I've never been much of a skier (and I've never been arrested, either).

View pics of local, black singles
Hey, buster... I live in the 'burbs... there aren't any local black singles! Although there is a really nice African American couple across the street, and my good friend Dionne and her family live a couple of blocks over... but no, no local singles. Sorry.

His 14 inches pleasured us both
Oh my gawd, 14 inches? Pleasured you both? Well, if it took 14 inches, you both must be really loose... I'm talking super-freaky stretched out... like throwing a hot dog down a hallway.

Someone has a crush on you!
Doubt it.

Present only perfect nights to your woman – Greece silent
That one doesn't make any sense, so I just had to throw it in.

Warning: only read if you want to be a millionaire!
Again with the exclamations! Well, I'm going to skip this email, because I've decided I want to be a billionaire!

Jennifer Lopez and Halle Berry crazy on high heels! High Definition!
Why is every email shouting at me? And what are high-definition high heels? (And where can I get some?)

My robot will make you money while you sleep!
Oh yeah? Well my robot will eat up all your licorice and fart on your pillow while you're out running errands!